Me 25F and my boyfriend of 5 years 26M seem to want opposite things in bed and I have a hard time doing what he wants and he has a hard time doing what I want. I’m into light bdsm getting choked, slapped on the ass, whipped, tied up, teased, hot wax, nipple play to a point I thought I might get them peirced to help but then I read it could ruin it so I changed my mind etc. My boyfriend on the other hand likes me on top and I can do that but I lose interest and have a hard time climaxing. Also it hard to be a sub when your “Dom” isn’t into it. It ruins the fun if I have to ask for it I can’t even get it if I act bratty. He always says you like being controlled so I want you on top which doesn’t help at all. And the only dominance I can get out of him is getting him to be on top. He says it’s too much work. But we’re at the point where he’s hinting at a proposal that I had to ask for and I’m concerned. I mean sex isn’t the only important thing but I wish he enjoyed it more than just getting to climax and stopping. He’s the only person I’ve ever been with sexually is this normal? I even tried to be dirty and tell him to cum in me and keep going I’m on birth control and I’m really not worried about getting pregnant because of health complications but he says that would hurt him does it or does he just want to be done with it? And how do I fix the situation?
TL;DR
Boyfriend of 5 years 26m is vanilla and I’m 25f a sub. He might be proposing soon how do I fix my sex life? I’m so bored of it. But he doesn’t want to do extra work.
Comments
He already said he wont compromise, face the fact that this will be your love life until the marriage is over.
If he’s never willing to try anything you like and says its ‘too much work’ AND you had to ask for a proposal, it’s feeling like he doesn’t care that much. Plenty of people are a little mismatched with preferences, but it’s about experimenting together, compromising, and trying things because you know the other person will like them. He isn’t open to any of that which means he really doesn’t care about your sexual pleasure. Also what on earth do you mean about him saying it would ‘hurt him’ to finish inside you??
I understand it can be frustrating to not try but also if you watch less porn you won’t crave this as much.
It kinda sounds like you both want to be the sub. He likes for you to take control, you like for him to take control. If you’re both willing to compromise and take turns it could be a lot of fun for both of you, but if there’s no compromising then there’s no solution to be had here. You can either have a relationship with him that includes an unsatisfying sex life, or you can have a different relationship with someone else.
Sexual incompatibility is real. Two otherwise great people might not work in the bedroom. Neither of you in wrong, you just aren’t a match.
If sex were LITERALLY the only issue you two apparently had, I’d say maybe work on it. But I mean…
>but we’re at the point where he’s hinting at a proposal that I had to ask for
What a wild little six word nugget to drop in here. It’s so out of place amid the far too much TMI word soup of nipple rings and bdsm the rest of this is focused on.
Those six little words lead me to wonder if the resentment you feel for him in the sexual area of things extends even further than that. Perhaps his lack of interest and the failure to communicate you two seem to be suffering from is more of an issue outside the bedroom.
And yeah, what’s happening in the bedroom is a communication problem. Communication is more than just saying what you want to the other person, right? They also have to acknowledge and respond to it. Right now it sounds like you’re doing the sex equivalent of ordering a hamburger and he nods happily and comes back to the drive through window with spaghetti and says it’s basically the same thing.
Anyway…
I think you need to take a moment here and ask yourself if the problems you’re having in the bedroom are really more of a general problem you two have out of it. And, if so, at the very least you gotta pump the brakes on that proposal if not more.
PS: I have no earthly idea why he would think cumming in you would hurt HIM. Best of luck Sherlock Holmsing that out.