Location: Vermont. My mother was beaten and strangled to death by a career violent felon posing as a stolen valor Marine veteran renting a room in her five bedroom farmhouse. I confronted her killer as he literally cried on my shoulder posing as a would-be hero who tried to save her. Every cell in my body immediately knew something was wrong. I pushed for an autopsy after first responders mistakenly assumed it was a natural death, and the OCME later revealed the truth: homicide by strangulation and blunt force trauma. Tomorrow I have to sit for a deposition with my mother’s murderer’s state appointed defense team. I know I have the easy job, because all I need to do is tell the truth. But I also know based on their prior statements to the media that the defense isn’t concerned with truth or justice, just obfuscation and deception. I am angry. I want to scream. I want to ask them how they sleep at night. But I know that’s also exactly what they want to elicit. My family, my children and I have been victimized enough by this monster. This proceeding tomorrow just feels like legal torture by proxy. Any advice for surviving it with my mental health intact would be appreciated. TIA.
Comments
I’m so sorry for what happened to your mother. As you said, just tell the truth. Your testimony may be very critical to making sure this person gets the punishment they deserve.
I’m sorry for your loss, OP.
> I want to ask them how they sleep at night.
Because everyone is entitled to a defense. You don’t want to live in a society where this isn’t true.
>Any advice for surviving it with my mental health intact would be appreciated.
Just breathe, stay calm, and answer the questions asked, without elaboration. If a question can be answered yes or no, that’s how you answer it.
[removed]
[removed]
ask for a break if you need one.
i do know you will be required to answer a question if one is posed BEFORE breaking but know that you can ask for one at any time.
lawyers WILL try to be combative with you .. it will be your lawyer’s responsibility to shut it down. emphasis to your counsel they need to be on their toes for that.
good luck. 🥰
Is there going to be an Assistant District Attorney present? If so, wait for a beat before you answer any question. That gives the ADA time to make an objection or give you instructions if necessary.
In my experience there are three types of tactics defense attorneys use in depositions. They either ask detailed, open ended questions about what happened in either a friendly or aggressive way (types 1 or 2), or they cross examine the witness (type 3). Cross examiners are the most upsetting, but they also do the worst job. They think they know the answers, and that stops them from preparing well.
Which ever type they are, don’t let them upset you. Answer questions honestly. Remember yes and no are full sentences. Don’t volunteer additional information. If you start to get upset, take a deep breath and and focus on your breathing until you calm down.
I’m so sorry you are going through this. The criminal justice system is set up to protect the innocent from the government over reach and political prosecution. Somewhere along the way the system forgot that we are all there because someone got deeply hurt.
[removed]
I wouldn’t think of the deposition as for the defendants benefit.
It’s for his legal team to know what your testimony is likely to be. It sounds like it is quite damaging to whatever case they would have.
His legal team may recommend that the defendant take a plea deal, if they haven’t already.
If you haven’t talked with them all ready, the prosecutors office should have a victims resource group you can reach out to. You can write a victim impact statement, etc.
Not legal advice: I would find it cathartic to remember and honor the person completely separate from the horror that happened. Something that brought joy and happiness to someone else’s life. But if you’re not there yet, that’s okay.
One of my good family friends is a criminal attorney and before I became a paralegal I asked him how he defends guilty people. I’m paraphrasing because this was like 13 years ago but he basically said something along the lines of: His goal isn’t to have pedophiles and murderers roaming the streets but it’s to make sure they’re given a fair trial because that’s their constitutional right. Someone’s gotta do the job. I’d also like to point out that sometimes lawyers don’t know. I don’t know the specifics of your case, so this may not apply, but sometimes it’s really easy to say “Na, wasn’t me.” I was molested by my father as a kid. By the time I was examined there was no DNA left behind. He claimed that my mother was telling me what to say. His lawyers believed him. (Thankfully the judge and child psycologists didn’t.) I don’t think they’re bad men, they were manipulated by a monster.
As far as the actual process goes, it can be scary. Honestly sometimes the court process can be more traumatic than whatever got you there in the first place. Remember to breathe and listen closely to each question. Take a deep breath before they ask and then before you answer. You can ask for clarification if you’re unsure. Sometimes the questions are worded in ways that might sound a bit strange or like they’re trying to trick you. Sometimes they are trying to trip you up and other times it has to be worded a certain way for legal reasons. Of course, tell the truth. You’re right about having the easy job because you just have to tell the truth. This is your mother’s murderer on trial so avoiding tears will be near to impossible, but try to remain calm and keep your composure as well.
When you want to get snarky or angry or mean towards the defense, try and remember that you will have your opportunity to express those thoughts and emotions at his sentencing.
[removed]
Answer only the question that is asked. Don’t add an explanation of what happened next, or how the guy set you up.
Just the answer, and as many other ppl have said, yes and no are complete sentences.
[removed]
[removed]
[removed]
[removed]
tell the truth but dont give them anything more than they ask you. they are not questioning you to get your story out there, nor do they care. they are questioning you to figure out any line of defense to get that murderer off the hook. be advised
they will wait for you to ask for a break first before asking the most difficult questions to trap you. try to refrain from asking for a break unless youre gonna explode if you dont.
Hello. This might get deleted because it’s not technically legal advice, just my own experience that mirrors yours
Do your best, but don’t go into the courtroom expecting justice or closure or anything of the sort. In my experience, court proceedings are very dry and by the book. There is zero room for emotion. It’s not like what you see in the movies. The victim isn’t in the room and you don’t get to hear their side, just the facts of what happened. That can be hard as a loved one of the victim.
In my case, the murderer accepted a plea deal. I got to provide a victim impact statement as part of the sentencing process. This served as an outlet for my thoughts and feelings but in the end, it didn’t impact his sentence at all. The judge, defence lawyer, and prosecution worked together looking at other similar cases and those precedents determined his sentence.
I found the court process to be more traumatizing than the days after losing my loved one. I’m so sorry for your loss and I hope you have an outcome tomorrow that is satisfactory for you. I second everyone else’s suggestions for therapy. I did EMDR to get over the trauma of my court experience.
When asked a question, count to 10 before you answer. Only answer what was asked, and don’t embellish or over share. Don’t get baited into emotional responses, that’s why you count to 10. Remember that this is his defense and you don’t want to HELP them, you just want to give the facts.
Hang in there. Find the strength.
I’m so sorry you lost your mom to violence like that. All I can say is – go put that mother effer where he belongs- in a cage- in prison. I can do this!!