I broke up with my girlfriend of 8 years. I 34m her 32f. She got really depressed from repressed tramau. It came out during covid. She quit working, all the bills fell on me. She even got diagnosed with PPPD, a neurological thing where you get really dizzy. I decided to be supportive and let her take off work to fix herself.
It wasn’t easy. Every single financial thing fell on me, but i took it on, believing she would get better. She only got worse. I became a caretaker. I burnt myself out to the point I was waking up imagining putting a gun to my head. I’d never do it, but it was creeping in. I begged her to get therapy, food stamps, disability, anything to help. She’d sleep all day and make up excuses she wasn’t ready. Her father eventually started giving me 400 a month the past year to help.
It broke me as a man, I worked hard to make the money I do now, it’s not great but respectful and easily livable by myself or with someone who makes an income as well. She let us go into poverty. Always talked about her tramua. Complained every day. All I did was grocery shop. Clean. Work. Chores. I began to resent her. I made it obvious I wasn’t happy, she did nothing to change, yet made me feel like the bad guy for being upset about it becayse her childhood was so bad.
5 days ago I broke up with her. Told her id pay the rent for the next 2 months until the lease is over. Left within 15 minutes of the break up and asked for space. She reaches out to me about how ashamed she was with everything. I’m her person and she’s so sorry she took me for granted. Told me she got a therapist and started going to the gym with her dad. I’m so pissed off. Now you can do it. Now you found the strength to do all the things I was begging you to do while you watched me wither away and go into to debt.
Im trying to be civil. I told her I was happy for her and I know she has the strength to better herself. But she wants me back. I need to get my stuff from our place, she’s going to beg me back and I have no idea how to handle it besides blowing up on her, but I can’t do that. I have to be calm and understand she was a person struggling. But she had plenty of time and made her choice. She lost me. She lost my love. But I secretly hate her for doing this to me.
Comments
She couldn’t be bothered to care about you when you were there. But now her safety net is gone it’s all “sorry blah blah”. Ride into the sunset dude.
You should get a friend or family member to go with you when you go to pick your stuff up, or better yet get them to do it for you.
Dont get dragged back in. If you are forced to talk to her, say something along the lines of “if you can keep up with therapy, etc, you call me back in a month.” Even if you have no intention to take her back, it may calm her down enough to let you get your stuff.
You should probably get a therapist for yourself.
You leaving is the best for both of you. She did take you for granted and if you go back she’ll go right back to her old ways. I think your anger is justified but it’s time to start living for you. Don’t give her any more time or energy.
Go with a friend or family member to get your stuff.
You leaving was just the help she needed. You did all you could to help her, now it’s time to take care of yourself. Let go of your anger and mark it up as a learning experience. Wish her well and go live your best life.