Hi. I’m in a relationship with someone who has avoidant tendencies. We’ve been together for a year and a half, and we’ve just entered our 20s. In the past, whenever he got overwhelmed, he would shut down or pull away without communicating, which almost led to breakups. But recently, we had a serious talk, and he admitted that leaving when things get hard isn’t a healthy way to cope, and he said he wants to grow from that.
Lately, though,I’ve been sensing that he’s becoming distant again. Both of us have been extremely busy (I’m a med student), so we rarely get to talk or see each other. I also admitted that I haven’t been giving our relationship much attention lately because of my hectic schedule.
Last week, we finally got to see each other, even if just for a short time. We weren’t as affectionate as we used to be, but out of nowhere, he said, “I don’t have motivation for anything lately.” When I asked why, he said he didn’t know. I told him I appreciated that he opened up, since that’s something he rarely does. I asked what he needed, and he said, “space.” He also assured me that what he’s feeling has nothing to do with ourrelationship. Since then, I’ve been trying to show up—just being there without putting pressure—but I can still feel how withdrawn he is. He told me my presence is enough.
I think maybe we’re just entering a new phase in life, and I just want to go through it with care—for him, and for myself.
TL;DR I’m in a 1.5-year relationship with someone who has avoidant tendencies. He tends to shut down when overwhelmed, but recently admitted it’s unhealthy and wants to grow. Lately, he’s been distant again—we’re both super busy (I’m a med student), and we rarely talk or see each other. When we met recently, he opened up and said he has no motivation for anything. He asked for space but assured me it’s not about our relationship. I’m giving him that space while just being present, but it still hurts. I think we’re transitioning into a new phase in life, and I want to handle it with care—for both of us.