There’s this girl — I’ll call her Ornela — and I don’t even know how to describe what we are anymore. We’ve been stuck in this on-and-off situationship for months. I’m deeply in love with her. Like, she’s everything to me. I haven’t talked to other girls, haven’t entertained anyone else, I literally have no other source of emotional connection except her.
She’s beautiful, chaotic, random. A true party girl. She loves to go out, have fun, stay up late. Sometimes she’s sweet and loving, other times she’s completely cold. The best way I can describe it is that she’s emotionally unpredictable — like one day she’ll say “we could make this work,” and then disappear the next. I never know which version of her I’m going to get.
She’s cheated on me in the past — and when I confronted her, she said it “didn’t count” because we weren’t officially together. That absolutely broke me, but I stayed. I always stay.
I give her money. I gift her things. I show up for her when no one else does. She even cried to me recently about something serious and told me I didn’t care — but I did. I always care.
But when I try to get closer, she pushes me away. It’s like she wants to keep me close emotionally when she’s feeling low, but once she gets her energy back, she runs right back into the nightlife, partying, and talking to other guys. When I try to make plans with her, she’ll flake last minute. Then I’ll see her out on Snapchat partying or with people she told me not to worry about. She calls me when she needs comfort, but doesn’t show up when I need the same.
Recently, something happened that messed me up bad. She asked me “where are you” in this panicked, rushed tone, like she was checking up on me. Then she said “I don’t believe you’re home.” When I proved I was, she just flipped the conversation and then ghosted. I started calling her — way too much, I know — because it triggered this insane spiral in my head. Then I messaged her:
“I asked if I could trust you. You said I could. I guess sometimes you just have to be the bigger person.”
Still no response.
I don’t know what’s going on anymore. I’m stuck between feeling like I’ve been used emotionally, and still holding onto the moments when she made me feel like I mattered. I feel like she’s doing things behind my back, maybe even with my friend, and it’s destroying me. But I also know I’m not thinking clearly — I’m in too deep. I’d give her the world, but I don’t even think she wants anything real with me.
What do I do? How do I stop loving someone who feels like home and hell at the same time?
Please be brutally honest with me.
TL;DR:
I’m in love with a girl who’s emotionally unpredictable. She’s cheated, ghosted, used me for comfort and gifts, and constantly sends mixed signals. I always show up for her, but she disappears when I need her most. I feel like I’m being used, but I can’t let go. I don’t know if this is love or emotional addiction. I need honest advice.