So to start off with about 2 months ago porn was brought up in conversation one time where she asked me if I watched it and I told her I do watch it here and there. It’s never been brought up again, ive never like went and hid from her to go watching or anything like that
Fast forward to last night my Gf and I had a conversation where my Gf brought up that me watching porn makes her uncomfortable. Which honestly I understand the reasoning and it is a valid feeling for her. It makes her feel the typical “why am I not good enough” or “I should be the one to please you” etc. Now ive cut out porn in the past due to an ex feeling this same way so it’s not something that’s new to me.
Now we do not live together, and due to our jobs and what not my Gf and I only really get to see each other on the weekends or someone every other. So occasionally I do watch porn and this is what I had told her a couple months ago when it was first brought up.
So all that was said to bring context of the situation.
She reads A LOT of Smut books. And I do mean A Lot. She has all of the most popular books, “The Haunting of Adeline” “A court of thorns” “there are no saints” etc. Now I have never had an issue with these books. It’s something she likes so great in all for you doing things you enjoy or that interests you. I guess my problem is the double standard or the irony in this. Basically I’m not allowed to watch porn but she can read these books which are essentially porn. They are very graphic and detailed. Ive never read them myself but she’s talked to me about them and shown me passages so I know how detailed they are. I feel like its a big double standard or almost even hypocritical situation. She reads them all the time and is essentially her t.v. I mean she gets so into these books that she is highlighting things and making notes in them.
The second situation that is feel like is kinda hypocritical is back to her feeling “she should be the one to please me” etc. And I only bring this up because, last year she ended up cheating on me. So in my mind again why am I not allowed to watch porn because you want to be the one to please me. But I should have been the one to please you and you went and got it from another physical human being, ive never cheated or done anything other than just watch porn here and there when shes not around. I understand mistakes happen and people change. We did take a break for a few months after this situation happen. She’s made a lot of changes giving me access to her phone, location, etc. (Which i didnt ask for) so I’m not really worried about the whole cheating thing again. It’s literally just the irony of her doing that but me watching porn is an issue.
Also just to be clear we dont have a bad sex life. We are very active together. I am always giving her compliments, making her feel like she’s enough, etc. And our relationship in general has been great (excluding last years cheating of course).
I’m honestly just not really sure how I feel given all of this. The double standard is what’s killing me I think. Any advice or thoughts would be appreciated.
TL;DR: Gf (23) doesn’t want me (30M) to watch porn but reads hard-core SMUT all the time. She gets very into it highlighting and making notes in the book. I feel like this is double standard.
Comments
She is trying to control you while simultaneously can’t control herself (cheating). Idk about you but cheating draws the line for me. How can you ever trust her again? You guys have the same age gap as my ex-wife and I do. The maturity gap felt even larger
You can’t watch porn but she constantly reads smut and cheated on you?
Yeah you got played. Don’t continue to get played. Move on and find someone better.
Tell her that you plan to continue occasionally watching porn. If she has a problem with it, she can break up with you. Just don’t keep having discussions about it.
Or, just break up with her. She cheated on you, why isn’t that enough to leave her?
its not the same thing my guy, reading books we usually imagine our partners as the characters with us in the book, but you actively watching other women and getting off on it is the difference. If you don’t live together so what? why is no one anymore finding joy in getting horny till you see ur partner so u can unleash the pent up horniness with each other its so much fun try it !! adding in cause i read the whole cheating part, i dunno i wouldn’t apply it to the relationship right now especially if u guys have talked about it. you cant keep flipping the pages back if u want to move forward! just saying if u forgave her and she is being honest now. just try something different! and just for context I am 23 and my fiance is 27 so i can understand a little!
A) I think the difference (in her mind at least) between you watching porn and her reading smut is related to insecurities about the way she looks. She might compare herself to pornstars and wonder if you find them more attractive than her. Smut books don’t have that visual element. This is just a hypothesis coming from my years of experience at being a girl. Perhaps ask her if she’d be okay with you reading smut books, and if she says yes that would confirm my theory. If she says no, then that’s just a huge double standard.
B) she cheated on you, you should really consider leaving. Cheaters will cheat again.
Maybe next time don’t date someone 7 years younger than you, no guarantees but it might work out better.
Why on earth are you staying with a 23 yo who cheated on you and is now controlling you? She’s insecure and asking for an unrealistic expectation while simultaneously not denying herself of anything. Just break up.
Makes sense!
You have your GF to watch. Whenever you want, from morning to night, night to morhing.
You can do whatever amount of romance with her and beyond.
The porn are the people like me who are single, without any women.
So, just enjoy your GF.