Sooooo I have been with my hubby for 30 years- married for 23. My MIL has hated me from the jump. She is what you call a cold fish….ice cold. Nothing I did ever made her happy. We politely called her Mrs. Miserable behind her back. No matter what you said, she had it worse than anyone. She always made me feel….less than. I wasn’t good enough for her son. We planned our wedding on a weekend that celebrated my family’s heritage. She was appalled! She made it well known she hated this theme. Her son had absolutely no issues with it and thought it would be fun. Mommy Dearest on the other hand….absolutely not. She was going to wear black to my wedding. She made it well known at my bridal shower. My aunt shamed her in front of everyone so she wore dark purple….the next appropriate color for mourning. You get the gist.
When we bought our first home she would rearrange my China cabinet because she didn’t like where I put things. She would cut “Dear Abbey” articles out of the newspaper and stick them on our fridge before she left about disrespectful daughter in laws or daughters that can’t cook/clean/keep a good home. Mind you- I worked my ass off to do all these things and hubby was happy. We eventually had our son after very difficult pregnancy and she got nasty in the beginning and told me up front I was “not allowed” to give him a name from my family’s heritage. For her the wedding was torture enough. I ignored her of course and we did as we pleased. She put nasty “Dear Abbey’s” up on our fridge about raising a spoiled brat….about my 2 year old. That’s when hubby uncorked. He took her and my father in law (who is honestly a gem!) and told them they will never be welcome again if she ever disrespects me like this again. She still got back in little ways. Christmas and birthdays- piles of gifts for my nieces but our son would only get 2. We stopped opening Christmas gifts with them together because I didn’t want my son to see the unbalanced bias and be upset.
Over the years she still got her digs in to me and my son. The hate never went away. She just got better at hiding it in front of hubby. Now many years later, I am not the people pleaser I once tried to be with her. In fact most in the family know I keep my distance and why. Except 10 months ago she was talking to me at a holiday dinner. She started slipping and talking nonsense. Her hands were shaking and she couldn’t remember basic words. I raised alarm bells to hubby and his sister. I was ignored. Three weeks later, it happened again in front of them. She went to the doctor and was diagnosed with Parkinson’s. She’s been hiding it for some time, but now her symptoms are bad and she views it as a death sentence. Everyone is voicing that we need to leap in to help and care for her. Hubby and I are struggling. This is the last thing I want to do to someone who treated me like crap for years. It’s only hubby and his sister. The sister has a huge amount of other stuff on her plate. We don’t have as much….but…I am still struggling. I am trying not to be petty. I love my father in law. I don’t want him doing all of this on his own. I just don’t know that I can objectively be kind to a woman who has done nothing but despise me and my son. Am I being to petty?