Do I [21M] should continue with my relationship with my [21F] gf?

TLDR: I’ve been with my girlfriend for 4 years. I made mistakes early on, and even though we both grew, I’m still treated like I’m always the problem. We’ve lost emotional and physical intimacy, and I feel distant and unfulfilled. I miss my friends and wonder if I’m settling. Sometimes things feel good again, but it doesn’t last. I still care, but I don’t know if we can fix this or if it’s time to let go.

For a bit of context, my girlfriend and I have been together for 4 years. Early in the relationship, I made some mistakes (not cheating) that really hurt her. At some times, she wanted to break up, but we worked through it. I took responsibility and changed. She had some toxic behaviors too, but she’s also worked on herself. We’ve both grown a lot.

However, ever since those early mistakes, she’s taken the stance that any problems in the relationship are mostly my fault because I was the one who messed up first. And yeah, I get it. I did hurt her. But it feels like I’m the only one who’s expected to keep improving or making things right.

There have been times where she told me not to do certain things because they would upset her — but then she goes and does those same things herself.

The “only” big thing she has done was that I accidentally came across with the conversation she had with her best friend where she was talking about other guys calling them cute, saying they smelled good, giving them compliments, and that she love the attention other guys give her. That really hurt. I confronted her, and although we talked it through, that was probably the moment I started feeling differently. At first she seemed sorry and tried to fix things, but eventually she got mad at me for being insecure and not being able to move past it.

Since then, I’ve pulled back emotionally. I stopped being the super loving boyfriend I used to be. But time passed and we’re still together. Lately though, I’ve been feeling weird. I enjoy spending time with her and we still have some good moments, but something’s missing.

For one, physical affection is really important to me, and she’s not into it much. She doesn’t say a lot of loving things, and we haven’t been intimate in about 6 months not even making out. I miss that closeness. She’s beautiful. At times, I wonder if it would be better to end things, but then I think what if I regret it?

I also miss just being with my friends because other circumstances I distanced myself from them, especially my childhood friends (a lot of them are girls, but I don’t feel anything romantic toward them). I just miss having fun and hanging out with them but I don’t want it to be weird. Lately, my girlfriend and I have been fighting a lot. There’s a possibility we might start living together part-time soon, which could be a new chapter… but I don’t know if that’s a good idea.

Right now, it feels like the only “perks” I have in the relationship are some hugs and kisses, a few dates, and someone to talk to. But honestly, I feel like I could have that with my friends too. I want to go to parties and hang out with people I care about, but while I’ve always made the effort to spend time with her friends, she’s never really tried with mine.

Also at some times I feel like we should break up but then magically she starts being lovely and we have some intimacy and I feel like I’m so in love.

I don’t know what to do, I still have feelings for her, but I feel like I’m settling for less than I need. I don’t want to hurt her or make the wrong choice, but I’m not in the best spot either. Maybe I just to used to at her that I don’t want to end things or are we doing the things wrong and we can change for the best of us?