| [38M] found out the [38F] girl I was seeing had a fwb [36M]

Hi Reddit,

Back in Jan I ended a short term relationship that devastated me and I planned to take off the next 6 months to heal and rebuild myself. In February I reconnected with someone I had met the previous year. We liked each other. I was upfront with her and told her I wasn’t ready for anything serious.

In late February she disclosed she had a fwb which I had no problem with. She also told me she cut things off with him because she wanted to focus on being there for me in anyway I needed her. I thought that was sweet but told her she didn’t need to do that but she insisted.

Fast forward to this past Sunday and in the interim from February we both developed feelings for each other, essentially we fell for each other. I celebrated 5 months sober and she was proud of me.

I wanted to make things official with her. I asked if she had been seeing anyone including her fwb. She hesitated and didn’t make eye contact when she said no but I knew she was lying so I asked again and noticed she became really nervous. Long story short, she didn’t stop seeing her fwb even after she told me she her cut him off.

I just want to clarify that I had no issues with her having a fwb but what I had an issue with was that she lied about cutting him off. I have been working really hard to be an honest person. I felt shitty being lied to. It wasn’t that she had a fwb it was about the principle.

She began to trickle truth me, blamed me for not telling her how I felt about her, had I told her how I felt, she said she wouldn’t have gone back to him. I told her that I couldn’t tell her how I felt about her so early on because I was still unpacking my previous relationship, and that I simply didn’t want to lead her on, which was the truth. I couldn’t think very far ahead, I was a shell of a human being and the goal was to just get through each day at a time. It made me feel pretty shitty that she made me feel guilty for not telling her how I felt when I couldn’t see past a week and used that as an excuse to go back on her word about cutting him off. People change their minds, I understand that but she could’ve disclosed that to me which she did not. If someone tells you they’re gonna do something, you trust that they will.

She’s been begging me to give her a chance but I feel really confused because I had come off a relationship when her and I reconnected and I was looking to heal and now I feel like I’ve been hurt again. I’m looking for advice on how to navigate this?

TLDR: reconnected with a woman who told me she cut off her fwb but later found out that she had been still seeing him. She deleted her entire text convo with him.