I (F22) have two kids. 2yo Boy and a 1yo girl. When i was pregnant with my first baby i had two names picked out, one for either gender. I had them picked out around 10 weeks pregnant. I told my parents, they both loved the names. The boy middle name was my husbands fathers and the girls name was my fathers fathers along with the middle name being my fathers mothers name. It’s a pretty generic name but i liked them both because they were family names. At my gender reveal for my first i revealed the two names we had decided on and i could tell my sister (27F) was PISSED. (For context my sister has two boys. At the time age 7 & 4) She made a scene saying i was a shitty sister for using her girls name she had picked out since she was in middle school that i had no idea about at all. When we found out the gender and it was a boy we sort of settled and all was well. As she was leaving my gender reveal she whispered in my ear “glad it wasn’t a girl or i would’ve had to kill you” jokingly…
Fast forward to 2023, i was 3 months PP and newly pregnant with my 2nd. We waited until we knew the gender and announced on Facebook to friends and family… when my sister found out she blew a fuse. The reason she picked the name had absolutely nothing to do with the fact it was our grandfathers name but because she knew someone in middle school with that name and fell in love with it. Ever since she found out i was pregnant with a girl we haven’t spoken. It’s been 2 years now. She still hasn’t had any more kids. So am i the asshole for using my sisters baby name (which i originally didn’t know she had picked out) ?
AITAH for using my sisters baby name?
r/AITAH
Comments
You used A baby name, not your sister’s. Because nobody owns a name.
NTA
Ur sister is weird
NTA. You literally didn’t even know. And besides it was chosen for completely different and sentimental reasons. Nothing to worry about here. Sister is probably just mad she never got a daughter or something and just wanted to be petty cause she never got to use it 😀
NTA. She doesn’t own a name. Tell your sister to get over herself.
NTA but your sister sure is
You get somewhat of a pass because you didn’t know originally but I would say YTA for using it anyway when you did know. Now she can never use that name if she ever has a girl and I bet that saddens her. You couldn’t find another nice sentimental name once you found out? I’m pregnant with my second and just told my family the names we’ll be using if it’s a boy or a girl and if any of my sisters gave any indication that they wanted the name or already picked the name for their future kids, I WOULD NOT USE IT! I read so many Reddit posts about people stealing people’s names and I literally think it’s so heartless! My friend had two names picked out for her son and when he was born she chose one and not the other. I still asked her just in case she was still planning on using it for another child, when i discovered my husband wanted the name as a middle name for our second. She said I could have it. I would not be using it if she hadn’t said I could or if she showed any sadness over losing the name.
People don’t own names.
She hasn’t spoken to you in 2 years? Seems like problem solved. NTA
nah, you had no clue and those names are family classics. she’s acting way too extra about it—sometimes people just gotta let things go. you did nothing wrong.
not NTA. your sister sounds like a loser. lol yes that sounds mean but whatever
you didn’t know, and even if you had, it’s a family name with deep meaning for you. it’s sad that a name created distance between you, but you’re not wrong for using something so personal to your heart.
Yeah you are totally banned from using a name that your sister might use for her might never happen future daughter. I mean tbh, you knew it would cause grief cos your sister told you she was completely irrational on this issue. But hey ho.
My sister has 3 cousins with her name. My dad only has 4 siblings, 1 of them never had kids. So every single one of his siblings except one called their daughter by the same name. 1 cousin literally had the same whole name and I think was in the same class at school and no one cared at all.
NTA. It isn’t HER name. She does not own it. You also aren’t telepathic and had no way of knowing she had claimed a name. She is pathetic and doing you a big favour by stopping contact. She is an AH
If you haven’t spoken in 2 years it’s more than just the baby name
NTA. Your sister needs some mental help. Not talking to you for two years over a name is wild af.
There are cousins in my dad’s and husband’s families with the same name. It’s not a big deal. NTA
Yeah. You are better off without her in your life.
And so are your kids.
You didn’t know that this was your sister’s choice.
AND it is a family name.
Cousins often have the same name.
NTA
Your sister seems unhinged
If this is the worst thing to ever happen to your sister… I have no words.
yeah, you’re allowed to use whatever name you want, no one owns a name.
personally, i have always found it weird to use a name you know someone else wants to use, especially since middle school, but you’re definitely allowed to do whatever you want.
i think one of the only instances where it goes from weird (to me) to asshole territory is if the name was one she had already used and the baby had passed. i’m sure there are other cases, but not many. since that isn’t the case NTA.
if it’s been two years, and she doesn’t speak to you, why do you care? let her wallow in her own pity party.
Something is sincerely wrong with your sister. No normal person is going to stop speaking to someone for 2 years because of a baby name.
I don’t understand why people share the name before the baby is born.
Nope. NTA and advice to the wise – leave your sister on LC. She sounds like to total pain in the tookus. Do you really need the drama?
NTA. Tell your sister that you had already chosen this name, as she well knew, and that you had a daughter. She does not. You’re not going to give up a name you,chose for your daughter on the off chance that maybe, someday, she may have a girl. If she does, she can name her daughter the same name.
In my family, there are several names that are shared among cousins. We just say their first and last name, or mom’s name before their name. No big deal.
You got pregnant three months after giving birth?
sometimes in life the trash takes itself out. NTA
NTA. I am particular about names, but her behavior is absolutely ridiculous. Not talking for 2 years over you choosing a name that she also wanted to use for a hypothetical child is more telling of the person she is. I would continue my life unbothered and without her if she would cut you off over a name.
FWIW, when I was a teenager, I declared that I wanted to use the boy name that our parents picked out if they ever had a boy. They had four daughters and no sons, so I wanted to honor them by using that name. My almost 6 years older than me sister had a son when she was 20 and picked a different name. When she became pregant and then found out she was having a second son, she came to me and asked if she could use the name for her 2nd born. I was a little bummed, but I said yes, of course. And I’m so glad she did get to use that name for him. It fits him perfectly AND I had only had daughters. So it would have been ridiculous for me to save that name for my potential child and then it would have never gotten used by anyone in our family.
Your sister didn’t have the baby name, she just had one picked out in her head that she hadn’t used yet. Oh well! NTA.
Your sister is ridiculous
So your sister just wanted to hog the name and nobody else could have it? Nobody owns a name. NTA.
NTA. Your sister can’t claim a name, especially one she picked in middle school, and you didn’t know she wanted the name for her own children. Also you wanted to use the name because it had some sentimental value to you, and She probably forgot about the name until you said it at your gender reveal for your 1st.
She probably thought she had more time to get pregnant with a girl nobody expects their sibling have multiple pregnancies by the age of 22
NTA. My SIL threw a minor fit when I named my son, because it was apparently on her list of names for her future kids (that I also didn’t know anything about). But to her credit she dropped it after that and never brought it up again.
On the flip side, my ex-best friend named her daughter a made-up name I created to honor my dad (think similar to how Alanis is named after her dad, Alan). She had no connection to it, knew what it meant to me, and coyly kept it a secret until after the baby was born. We are no longer friends. But I had the last laugh: my husband wasn’t a fan of the name, and as I believe baby names are a two-yes, one-no vote, we scrapped it. Now she’s stuck with a name that means nothing to her just because she had to be competitive.
NTA
U are both AH, like there aren’t a hundred thousand other names.
Sounds like your sister has issues.
NTA
If you didn’t know the name your sister wanted to use, you’re not responsible for reading her mind. You’re not accountable for something that was never communicated.
I understand she might feel upset that you used the name she liked, but from what you shared, it doesn’t seem like she’s actively planning to have more kids either. It’s hard to tell if this is a genuine emotional reaction or just a bit of a tantrum, but either way, you didn’t do anything wrong.
If your sister has wanted to use this name for as long as she has there is no way she hasn’t mentioned it to you at some point. You knew exactly what you was doing. YTA
Evidently, from reading reddit, this is so common!!