Hello so my boyfriend (M27) and I (F28) have been together for a little over a year, partly in a long distance relationship since he travels for work. I feel like we’re on the fast track with our relationship since the very beginning, he’s been making it very clear that I’m the one for him and he can only see his future with me in it. I do love him a lot and our relationship does seem perfect but I have two problems. The fist one is that he does drink quite a lot of alcohol, even joking about being a functioning alcoholic, I might drink once or twice a month but I don’t like to get drunk to the point of me slurring my words unlike him. The biggest problem with him I have though, that has left such an icky taste in my mouth, is that for a year he’s been telling me that he used to take coke in university once in a while but that he doesn’t do it any more ever, but a few days ago when he was tipsy, he let it slip though that he takes a bunch of coke with his colleagues when he’s travelling after a work day. Now I’ve had a lot of horrible experiences with men on coke and it’s just the most disgusting thing to me, he knows how much I hate it but I don’t think he really understands. I do come from a much more conservative and Christian family, his in comparison is very free and wild even taking drugs together and partying as a family. Since finding out a few days ago I’ve just felt so sad and like maybe this relationship does not have a future anymore, we’ve been talking about moving in together but now I don’t know anymore. I love him and he treats me well, but this is not how the man I want to spend my life with and raise my future children with would ever act. Do you think I’m overreacting, that he can change or is it him lying in the first place that should alarm me more than anything?
TL;DR;: Boyfriend has lied to me for over a year about taking drugs, is there still a chance for us?.
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> this is not how the man I want to spend my life with and raise my future children with would ever act.
This is how he acts and will continue to act.
Time to face facts.
Sadly, its not as easy as you finding out and asking him to stop. He said that he hasn’t done it in a long time then admits that he does it when he travels, so even if you ask him to stop now, there’s no way of knowing if he really will or not.
I guess the best thing you can do is seriously talk to him face to face about it so he sees how serious you are about it, but be clear with him that you ever find out that he’s lying about doing it again, then you’re going to have to walk away from the relationship.
What really worries me is if he’s been lying about something like that, what else is he lying about?
I don’t think you’re overreacting. It’s the sort of thing when it comes out you don’t really know who he is anymore.
It makes him untrustworthy and shows lack of respect for you, hiding things like you can’t handle the truth.
Now you know. He’s not gonna change, guaranteed. Make your decision based on that.