I’ve been living with my uncle and his wife since I was 8 (I’m 19f now). My parents died in a car accident and my uncle took me in. When I was 14, they started fostering kids because they said they wanted to help children like they helped me. In the five years since then they’ve had eight different foster kids come through, usually 2-3 at a time.
My uncle and his wife mean well but they have no clue how to handle troubled kids. The foster children have serious behavioral issues – they steal food and hoard it in their rooms until it rots, they smear things on the walls, destroy furniture when they’re upset, and have violent outbursts. One kid punched holes in every door upstairs. Another one threw a chair through the living room window during a tantrum.
The worst part is that my uncle and his wife always make me the unofficial caretaker. When they brought in two little ones last year, they moved them into my room instead of setting up the spare room properly, and I had to help with night terrors, bedwetting, and basically parenting duties. They’re constantly asking me to watch the kids when they go out or deal with crisis situations because “you’re so good with them.”
Last month when my uncle announced they were approved for two more placements – siblings with “significant trauma backgrounds” – I’d had enough. I called my best friend whose family has always treated me like their own daughter and begged them to let me move in. They were shocked when I explained everything and immediately said yes. I packed my important documents and belongings and left that same day.
My uncle and his wife are furious because they’re losing their free help and because I didn’t discuss it with them first. My friend’s parents had to deal with angry calls, and now my uncle is threatening to report them for “interfering with a family situation.”
AITA?
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AI post, reported
Alright another fake chat gpt story 😂
You are an adult. Your uncle and aunt can’t do anything about where you live. If they keep up the harassment of the family that took you in, encourage the family to press charges of harassment and get protection orders for all of you.
Your aunt and uncle may have had good intentions, but it is not enough. They are out of line and not doing anyone any favors, especially you.
You are NTA. Protect yourself and start planning your future independence.
NTA. They were using u as free labor not treating u like family. U didnt sign up to be a live-in nanny for troubled kids
Report them for what? Your uncle and his wife not only don’t know how to take care of troubled kids but also don’t know how to threaten lol. You’re an adult and you can move wherever you wish, they cannot report anything. If at all the police show up, you could just say it was your decision and your uncle and his wife cannot do anything.
u/bot-sleuth-bot
You didn’t need to tell them anything but given they took you in and supported you, did you not feel any grace or obligation to let them know you’re moving out?
YTA
>> “now my uncle is threatening to report them for “interfering with a family situation.”
I don’t think this is a thing.
NTA. But contact the foster agency and tell them all about this.
As a 19 year old, you are a fully grown adult and can make decisions for yourself.
You might want to inform CPS or whoever places children with them, that your aunt and uncle have been using you as slave labour to mind the children for all these years. For the children’s sake.
They want the money….
Good luck and happy future to you.
NTA
Nta report them to who? You’re 19. Please stay away from them and if they complain publicly make your side heard. Don’t they get paid to take in you and the fosters. It sounds like this is a money grab since they made you a 3rd parent
NTA this is crazy. You say your uncle means well, and he might even convince himself of that, but cramming needy kids into the place with no support is evil, frankly, and bottom line, he’s doing it for the money. He might be making a martyr of himself, but he’s not doing it for free. You were though.
I think you’re kind of the AH for leaving without telling them or talking to them. They took you in and raised you after your tragedy. I think you owe them.
You’re not the AH for moving out though. It’s too much to ask of you.
I just think you should try to get together and have a chat. Tell them how much you appreciate them and how much you love them, but that you need to move forward now.
u/Bot-Sleuth-Bot
You’re 19. There’s absolutely nothing your relatives can do about you moving out. Ask your friend’s parents to block your aunt and uncle. And let your uncle report them to whoever he’s planning on reporting them to.
NTA. I’m glad you left. Also, your uncle is delulu if he thinks he can report your friends family. You’re an adult.
I suspect they’ll miss the paychecks they receive for the foster placements.Â
NTA you need to look after you. They’re upset as they’re losing the free help and they’re going to have to deal with the kids and their issues rather than pass the buck and have you deal with them. They’re agreed to have the children without consulting you. You don’t need to consult them. Plus at 19 you’re an adult. You should be out there college etc trying to find your way in the world carefree. They chose the kids you didn’t.
LOL Interfering in a family situation is not a crime. If it were all of Reddit would be in jail
NTA. Tell them you appreciate what they did for you and respect that they want to do that for other kids, but it’s time for you to move on.
You’re 19 so you can do what you want and your uncle has no recourse whatsoever.
NTA. You do know that they receive a payment from the State to take in foster children.
NTA. You’re 19, your Aunt and Uncle are just mad they will have to take care of the kids.
I suggest Choi contact their case worker and let them know you have been the one forced to take care of the kids and you have moved out. Let the caseworker know how there is zero parenting going on and the kids are just allowed to completely run wild.
What is he going to report them for? Taking you in and giving you a safe, peaceful place to call home? You’re an adult and don’t need anyone’s permission to move out. You are not listed as the legal guardian of any of those foster children and you have no legal obligation to them. I’m grateful your uncle was able to take you in when your parents passed, but that doesn’t give them an excuse to take advantage of you and use you as a surrogate caregiver. They’re the ones that signed up to be foster parents- they need to be the ones doing the actual parenting.
NTA, you are not an indentured servant. You are not a live in caretaker, you are not the parent and you are not responsible for someone else’s kids. Period, end of discussion. You did the right thing in leaving, do not let them gas light you into coming back. They like the money they get for fostering kids, especially since you do all the work and they cash the checks.
NTA. You’re 19 and there’s not a damn thing your uncle can do to you now as an adult. Do not go back there. Find a job, save up, and get your own apartment as soon as you can. I kindly suggest that everyone that is living where you are currently, including yourself, get an order of protection against your aunt and uncle for harassment. Good luck.
Report them to who exactly?! LOL .. their reaction confirms you are doing the right thing. Did they discuss your “free help” with you before taking on two more placements? My guess is no. Get out of there asap. NTA
You didn’t mention if you had ever spoken to them about your feelings. It’s their house but you live there so you should have a say. If you told them that you didn’t want them and they did it anyways then they are 100% the AH. If they thought you were on board because you didn’t tell them you weren’t and they made the commitment thinking they had your help, I can understand them being upset. That said, you’re 18 live where you want.
NTA
report them to cps – no children should live in such situation – i believe they are good people with good intentions but they lost the way
NTA
NTA. Is it possible to talk to the case worker and stop these placements? I’m surprised they haven’t involved you in finding out of the placement is suitable. If you aren’t part of decision, it’s okay that you aren’t part of the solution.
They are getting money from the state to care for those kids but making you do all of the work. There is no one to report you or your friends parents to because you are an adult. Never got back there to live. NTA
NTA, report them to whatever agency they’re fostering through. They have absolutely no business whatsoever fostering ANYONE, but especially troubled kids….they’re clueless
What if you had moved out because you got a job 100 miles away? They can’t stop you from doing that either or from moving out at any time for any reason ever. I get that communication would have been nice, but if this is their reaction to things, who knows what they would have said to you. NTA.
Have you tried contacting the foster agency and explaining that you have been the de-facto care of the fosters, and that you have now left the house? That might get the fosters the care they need. You are certainly NTA in this!
You know there is a financial incentive for them to keep taking more foster kids in. They had you as a free babysitter so they were in a good spot.
NTA, you need to take care of yourself.
NTA. Your uncle can report them all they want. You’re an adult. They’ve done nothing wrong. You don’t have to live with your uncle or help him with his foster kids.
You know you’re over 18. I think virtually every place you’re considered an adult and you don’t have Kathleen to them then. Appreciate the help and the good intentions they have but I think as much as they like believing they help they don’t mind the paycheck that comes with it. And no, you shouldn’t have to deal with it if you don’t want to. And I’m actually a little more upset that whatever agency place these children didn’t make sure that the foster parents had more training in children with trauma. I honestly would find out and I would let that agency know that number one. They don’t have a clue how to deal with the trauma and number two two. They dumped it on you and you no longer live there so they might want to evaluate a little more often
Yeah I get your aunt and uncle are going to be royally ticked off that you ratted them out and names. They don’t put an extra paycheck but Foster programs are a wonderful things it helps kids that need the help. However, when unprepared and untrained people are trying to deal with trauma and an overworked system, bad things happen.
I know that some places private agencies are contracted to handle this other places government agencies are in charge of it but if they don’t have training in dealing with children with traumatic backgrounds and trauma issues nobody’s doing anybody a favor and I think that somebody needs to look into it. I mean if they’re saying they have the training but they kept dumping the kids on you and I mean obviously from the time you were a teenager I mean you’re 19. 5 years was you were not much over just becoming a teenager. You shouldn’t have been put through that.
You definitely should let them know when you reach a point where everyone can talk that you are grateful that they were able to do as much for you as they did. You simply felt you could not deal with another few children with trauma issues. At that point, you don’t want to be a built-in babysitter
You are an adult. They are not getting paid for you any more and need to bring in more kids. They need you for free help.
At 19 you need to start your life. How long did they think they could keep you there? They can call the police and even file a lawsuit and they will be laugh at. Good for you to get away from the craziness.
Updateme
Sounds like there should have been a lot clearer communication about your role in their foster care decision. Since they thought you were “so good with them” that you also liked it more than you obviously did, and you might’ve been reluctant to make that clear until you finally felt overwhelmed and ran. Precious few 19-year-olds are into fostering, let alone younger than that. And apparently, they didn’t attempt to stay tuned in to your feelings about fostering or the role that was thrust upon you. But if they were good to you for those first six years, that’s huge, and if you agree there was a lack of communication on both sides, maybe just express your gratitude where you feel it’s due, and be totally completely honest in the places where you might have been reluctant to re the fostering.
I have to wonder how much money (life insurance etc) they received for taking OP in.
There was a very similar story I hear in the past .You might want to search Reddit OP.
I would contact the police non emergency line to advise that while your uncle and aunt might call, you are an adult and haven’t been kidnapped just left and they are upset about it so if they do report you the police know to ignore them (as they would do for anything like this). Also maybe ask if they have the number for someone you can talk to about potential issues within a fostering situation. NTA, you live your life as you wish not as someone elses indentured child care.