Last Tuesday, my college roommate invited me to what she described as a “community volunteer appreciation lunch” at her neighborhood community center scheduled for yesterday. I offered to bring homemade brownies and a fruit salad, and since it sounded like a casual indoor gathering, I wore a nice blouse and dress pants. My boyfriend, who was also invited, dressed similarly in a button-down and khakis.
When we arrived, the volunteer coordinator immediately handed us rubber gloves and told us we needed to “pitch in first” – scrub graffiti off the exterior walls and then move heavy playground equipment to storage so they could resurface the play area next week.
I explained that I wasn’t dressed for manual labor and had expected this to be the indoor appreciation lunch I was told about. When I politely declined to help with the physical work, the coordinator and several other volunteers made it very clear I wasn’t welcome if I wasn’t going to “earn my meal.” So my boyfriend and I left and went to a nearby caf instead.
Now I got a passive aggressive text from my roommate asking if I am “too good” for real community service and that I only want the recognition without doing the work.
Was I right to leave after being misled about what this event actually involved, or should I have stayed and potentially ruined my good clothes just to keep the peace?
Comments
NTA. you were misled. you’re not wrong for leaving
It was a volunteer appreciation lunch. I figure in the name you’d expect to have to volunteer to be appreciated with lunch. Should you have gotten a heads up what the volunteering involved? Yes.
But you leaving wasn’t a good look.
There’s no such thing as a free lunch.
Absolutely not. A lunch has no expectation of labor, even a volunteer one. You were misled then judged for not just going along with it.
Some people are great at volunteering but suck at peopling. Glad you left because now they know you need to be told beforehand or be left out of it.
ANY “volunteer” event almost always implies some sort of physical labor work is expected. Then they “appreciate” you with some sort of pot luck meal.
Always be VERY clear on what is expected of you with a volunteer event. It may be minimal, or it may be labor that would make Hercules jealous.
NTA for not wanting to get filthy in good clothes. Roommate is TA for not being very clear what was expected.
NTAH..I would have been pissed.
NTA. You roommate failed to mention that you’d have to work for your meal in order to get the appreciation meal. If she had been straight about the expectations, you could have chosen to come appropriately dressed to work or declined the invite.
Did you think you were volunteering to eat? What did you think you were you being appreciated for ?
Nta. & that friend knew exactly what they were doing. “Had I known, I would have dressed appropriately. As it is, you mislead me so I was improperly dressed. I’m sorry you weren’t more clear & I had taken you at your word instead of reading your mind. Sorry about that” if you’re down with snarky non-apologies.
INFO: Do you regularly do volunteer work for the community?
If you volunteer all the time and thought this was a “thank you” I understand being annoyed.
If you’ve never volunteered, and thought you could get a free “thank you” lunch intended for volunteers without actually doing any volunteering to be thanked for, YTA.
NTA I have volunteered at a member of organizations and no one expected heavy manual labor. If they did, it was stated with the help request. Your room mate is the AH for not telling you what to expect
NTA… You were right … you were fed misinformation… I would have looked right back into coordinators eyes and told them that “I brought my own lunch … next time learn how to set an agenda and communicate clearly on what the scope of volunteer work is… if you can’t do that, resign from the coordinator post and let some adult handle it”
Depends if you had previously done a significant amount of volunteer work for this organization, for them to appreciate you for. If you had, then it was reasonable of you to think this lunch was to show gratitude for all your previous hard work. NTA.
If you had not, what did you think they were giving you a lunch of appreciation for? YTA.
They should have been clear about the activities and expectations. I am sure you would have been happy to wear work clothes if you knew what was up.