Me 31 (F) and my friend 32 (F) were close and met often but met a few road blocks the last few months. It started with her getting upset at me about little things and giving delayed responses until I over apologized (something I’m trying to stop). The little things would usually be me not being able to meet her when she asked. But if we got another plan to work she’d completely go back to her usual self replying multiple times a day.
It seems the final issue happened last week when she invited me to a plan on Wednesday for Friday night. I messaged back saying sorry I already had other plans but asked if we can do it another time. She didn’t respond back for a few days which I kind of expected as she’s done this before but gives me anxiety as I wait. She finally messaged back saying she was disappointed in me for not making the plan work. I was completely thrown off and told her how that was a hurtful because I couldn’t help being busy and asked if we could do it next week and also how her delayed responses affect me. She took few days again to reply and basically brushed off my feelings and what I said by saying she’s just more into spontaneous plans and her other friends are able to meet in a few days notice and meet those timelines.
I honestly don’t know if I want to continue with this friendship because I’m constantly anxious I’ll upset her and cause her to not respond for a few days. And she basically shifted the blame or guilt back on me by invalidating my feelings by saying her other friends can meet with a few days notice but I can’t? And advice on what to either reply to this or just not respond? I’m also not sure how to not feel guilty now because I happened to be busy.
TL;DR: Friend mad at me for being busy when she asked to meet and trying to navigate this. Should I step away from it?
Comments
If she wants you to keep windows of time open and available, she should be paying you.
Unless there’s some element of the drama here that you’re purposefully omitting, she is obviously behaving like a loon.
Just let her have those other spontaneous friends. It’s probably time to airlock this friendship.
Again… unless you’re purposefully omitting information. Like if Friday was her birthday or something and you’ve known about it, in general, for weeks. Or if you had already soft committed to doing something Friday pending solid plans but she took a while to get back to you. Or something like that.