Tl;dr: pressured into a relationship Indid not want. But after a while, I’m worried that there’s nothing left out there for me.
I (M30) was pressured into dating my gf (F26) by my family. She’s a good person. But I didn’t have any feelings for her then, and even now, only like her as a friend. I hold her hands simply because it’s expected for our year old relationship.
We did break up. I cited different priorities and such for it. But my family worked behind my back to push us back together. Mom mentioned self harm and things like that. And I reluctantly asked her to get back together.
So I feel absolutely terible for having to pretend to love her. I feel like a fraud.
Then something involving her family happened. It was serious enough for my family to finally lose the rose tinted glasses even though it was not her fault. And whoop dee doo, they finally admitted that “they only know her on the surface” something that I’ve been telling them all year.
Now, after pressuring me into this, suddenly “it’s my choice” and that “they don’t want to ruin my life”
Gee… Where was that a year ago huh?
Admittedly though, after spending all that time, effort, and resources, I am feeling the fear that this is it. That there’s no one better out there. That if I end it, I am ending something good.
The thing is, I do acknowledge her qualities. It’s just that I never felt anything for her beyond friendship. I am not sexually attracted to her. And this situation surrounding our relationship kind of nuked any chance of naturally developing feelings.
Now I’m stuck. Feeling guilty for staying. Resentful towards the circumstances. But afraid to let go.
Wondering if anyone has experienceed something like this and what did you do?