My girlfriend says I’m insecure since I don’t want men buying her drinks at a bar/club. Not that she would go to a club without me but let’s say she is at a bar just chilling, and then a guy comes to her and wants to buy her a drink.
I know why men do this and I have never done it because it’s thirsty and I don’t pay for any girls drink. I don’t care if the girl wants to save money or leaves after getting the drink, I personally don’t think it is insecure that I don’t want guys buying her a drink. Please women say they independent and don’t need men but as soon as a guy wants to buy her a drink her morals jump out the window. 22f 22m 1 year TL;dr
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It’s okay to not want your partner to accept drinks from people at the bar/club. If she decides she’s going to do that anyway, it’s up to you to decide whether it’s a deal breaker for you.
I would say if your man is cool with it then cool, if not then no
Expressing your boundaries is totally ok…now…if she decides it’s not worth respecting you have an issue at hand. Ask her if she would be ok with you going out for drinks with a female co worker…you might get an answer
I can’t believe I’m old enough to be your mom and men are still this insecure.
Why would anyone date a person who they don’t trust? That’s why this is about your insecurity and lack of having a relationship with a woman who is able to adult without you.
> Not that she would go to a club without me
So this is a completely hypothetical and unlikely situation that you’re getting upset about?
Frankly if some dude wanted to waste money on my gf, I wouldn’t care. As long as she isn’t going anywhere with them afterward, what’s the harm?
You can be independent and also not want to spend $12 on a vodka cranberry lol. If she wants to accept a free drink it’s her decision and hers alone. As long as she’s not flirting I think it’s fine
morals? what are you even saying?
if she doesn’t want a drink she can say no. or she can say she’s in a relationship and let them know they’re barking up the wrong tree. if you don’t trust her to act according to your (hopefully shared) values, why are you with her? what are you going to threaten a guy for offering to buy her a drink? you sound jealous and tbf whining like this is not masculine. work out your feelings and go forward with a clear head. don’t get all emotional and impulsive. you have nothing to gain from that except embarrassing yourself in public.
Would she be mad if a women wanted to buy you drinks and you just went with it?
Assuming morals jump out windows; you don’t trust her?
Free drinks though
My girl has accepted drinks at the bar while I’m next to her. Idk if they knew we were together or not but I know that they’re not getting anywhere with her lmao so saved me the cash on the drink. We have been together a while tho. If you’re serious about her and the relationship then don’t worry about it.
Either way it’s not worth the fuss. You’re just causing issues especially if she’s not pursuing the people giving her drinks. I mean if you’re not there there’s really no way to tell but you gotta trust. You’ll find out if she cheats.
I mean it completely depends on the partner. My partner? Would get a KICK out of it. They would find it hilarious because they know I am quick to creatively shut people down. They also know I’d probably get the drink for them, since I’m not huge on public drinking.
That said: Insecure isn’t an insult like people use it to be. It just means you do not feel secure in a relationship where someone is okay with this. That’s a boundary you are willing to set and it’s up to her if it’s a boundary she’s okay with.
i don’t think accepting a drink from someone means you aren’t independent or morally good. i don’t think it has anything to do with morals. that last line really gives me an idea into how you view women.
also “not that she would go to a club without me” – feels controlling.
i think it’s fine to feel uncomfortable with the idea of guys buying your girlfriend drinks, because it’s used to flirt and express interest. personally my partner was secure in our relationship and knew i would never be interested in anyone else, so he was like, go ahead get a free drink whatever. i do think it stems from insecurity but i think it’s ok to feel insecure sometimes. however, if your gf feels differently, i don’t think that means she’s immoral or wrong or whatever for doing so.
If I’m there I’d tell my lady to grab the drink and bring it to me to drink. And then I’d cheers the guy from the bar and say thanks! Lol
Yeah I wouldn’t want my lady getting drinks from another dude. Not cuz I’m insecure but I can take care of my own.
It’s a free drink. Girls don’t owe anyone anything if someone buys them a drink.
She’s with you. What does it matter? Maybe she can get you a free one too.
I mean a. It’s totally not abnormal for bfs to be cool w this. B. It’s not abnormal for them not to be. This is a boundary conversation imo that needs to be had – if you guys disagree you need to talk it out. No one is “wrong” per se. I also would say it’s a bit insecure to not allow it personally – my fav bf response I’ve heard is having her ask if she can get a second for her friend & then bringing it back to her bf
Personally, I trust my partners and understand the allure of free things. With that said what is or what is not acceptable in the context of a relationship is negotiated within the context of a relationship so you can both feel comfortable and confident – being able to have these conversations in a constructive and healthy way is great but “Please women say they independent and don’t need men but as soon as a guy wants to buy her a drink her morals jump out the window” is not super constructive, it’s a free drink they didn’t ask for it’s not like they agreed to kill a baby.
If your partner is not comfortable with it, then no.
Yeah, it is okay for her to accept an offered drink.
Whilst some guys are fine with this, I don’t think it’s fair to call you insecure for not being fine with this.
When a woman accepts a drink from a guy at a bar, it’s often perceived as a social cue of openness especially in nightlife settings where buying a drink is a common opener for flirting. For most men it’s not a casual gesture – it’s a way to initiate conversation, test interest and potentially pursue something more.
By accepting the drink she may unintentionally signal availability or interest, even if that’s not her intention. In the context of a committed relationship that can cross a boundary as it invites attention and interaction that goes beyond friendly or respectful behavior. It may also show a lack of regard for her partner’s feelings, especially if she wouldn’t be comfortable with the reverse situation.
Ultimately, accepting a drink from another guy in this context can undermine trust, create confusion and blur the lines between respect and disloyalty.
A guy just doesn’t buy a woman a drink just to be buying her one. If she’s at the bar alone, the guy has no clue until they engage in conversation and it’s up to her to tell him. Then it’s up to her to decline any further drinks. If she continues to accept drinks, it could be giving him the green light. The question is why is she out drinking by herself?
No dude that’s not insecure for not wanting a significant other to accept drinks at the club. It’s pretty well known flirting comes along with the gesture.
Heck if she gets to keep doing it why can’t you buy drinks for other women?
I was on your side until that last sentence. Sounds like you just secretly hate women.
To answer the title question, yes. There’s nothing wrong with accepting a free drink.
Sounds to me like you don’t trust your partner.
I’d be okay with it as long as she doesn’t stick around to chat with him for longer than “thanks for the drink”
i mean personally, whether i agree or not, i’m not doing something that makes my boyfriend uncomfortable. but i don’t think it makes you insecure, i just think accepting the drink would be disrespectful
Everyone commenting as if it’s their own relationship. Thats why this question is impossible to answer unless we are speaking only of OPs personal relationship. If you don’t want her accepting drinks, then that’s your boundary. It’s not insecurity.
My man doesn’t care cause I’m going home to him. Every relationship has its boundaries. If it’s a hard no for you, then you should reconsider your relationship.
Yes. It’s likely your bf is buying his buddies drinks – you got to net it out
Up to you.
Like with many things, if your girlfriend wanted to cheat on you, accepting a drink or not at the bar wouldn’t change that decision.
Wether or not it’s okay is up to you
If the guy knew she was in a relationship, do you think he would still proceed with buying her drinks?
It’s not ethical. I’ve never allowed a man to buy me a drink when I know right off the bat that I’m not interested in him, whether it be because I’m in a relationship or because I’m not attracted to him.
While I don’t believe a woman would owe a man anything in exchange for a drink, it’s understood that the reason he’s offering is because he’s interested in her, not because he’s trying to be a charity. So it’s deceitful to accept a drink and lead a dude on.
There is NOT A SINGLE reason for her to be there alone!! Hypotheticals are stupid!, you guys should not be talking about that!
You should simply tell her you’re not comfortable with her being at a club/bar without you.
I think it’s ridiculous to pretend that a stranger offering to buy you a drink is anything but them asking if you’re interested. Some guys like to throw money around and buy drinks for a bunch of men and women at the bar, but that’s obviously very different. Accept the drink, but also accept that you’re leading them on.
Nah, we all know the deal with that she should politely decline.
I hear you.
My wife and I give each other a lot of latitude. And back when we were in our club days, we did go to clubs not together.
But unless it’s a friend, no, I dont want random guys buying her a drink cause the guy is only doing so to gauge interest.
If she accepts, he is going to take that as a sign she is available.
It’s not much disrespectful to our relationship. it’s disrespectful to the guy trying to find a connection.