Maybe it’s my(28m) fault for making her(24f) the center of my world, but my girlfriend has always threatened to leave me at any convenience she got. Her ideal life is one where she doesn’t have to work and a man marries her into wealth.
This was never the case when we met, but her best friend who has multiple sugar daddies gradually changed her, and unfortunately she valued her friend more than me.
The problem is that I thought the girl I fell in love with was still in there somewhere, so I hung on. Sometimes I would be behind on rent simply to pay for her conveniences, and she would guilt trip me for not being able to afford things. She did not seem to care what financial status I was in, despite telling her several times that I couldn’t afford something. All she wanted to do was impress her friend.
When I got her something, she would make fun of it if it wasn’t lavish enough, but it would be all I could do. This really tore my self confidence up, I stopped believing that I was a man worth being with because I couldn’t afford some things.
Eventually she started questioning me about our future. She’s got no job, no aspirations or skill set to get one, and blames me for wasting 4 years of her life without any sign of marriage. Then this morning she dumped me via text. I’ve always begged for her back, but this time I don’t want to.
I need your help, I’m suffering, she’s all I had. I need courage to move forward and accept reality, I need help to love myself again, because I lost myself while making her my world.
TL;DR Girlfriend dumps me over text because I can’t support her long term goal of not doing anything and being taken care of. She was never like this before so I had hope
Comments
You dodged a very deadly bullet! The best thing about having an experience with a toxic person is now having the knowledge to instantly detect a red flag, which makes finding a future wife easier because you can move on from any future toxic people instantly.
Congrats! Your free to choose better next time. You might like an equal partner.
I been through this exactly sooo often but the hints being like this must be their from the beginning I bet the first time you meet in coincidence she pretended to not recognize you until you came forward
She’s all I had – and yet it sounds as though she’s never actually done anything other than erode your finances, confidence, and self esteem.
Start questioning what she ever actually did to build you up, compliment your life, or help you improve as a person. Cos while you’ll miss the relationship, you’ll forget all the reasons it’s over.
Move on!
I know it’s hard to move on if you love someone so deeply, but still gonna say to you that you need to move on. You deserve better, and I pray you find someone who actually values you. Even though it hurts, be glad that you don’t have to be in a toxic relationship anymore.
You now what a tumor is? Do you wish it back when it’s gone?
My ex of 7 yrs left me via text too, dodged a fucking missile. Married my lovely wife has a wonderful child, ran into ex a few months ago holy mo she looked MISERABLE
That’s why you may choose to date anyone you like, but when you want to take the matter to the next level (engagement or marriage), you need to do due diligence with regards to their friends and family members. That will reveal more about their character than you can imagine.
Dude, you need to realize that this manipulation will NEVER CEASE! If she loved you she wouldn’t treat you this way. Do you want to feel like this for the rest of your life? Block her number and if she contacts you in any way shape or form simply say ‘I deserve better’ and end the conversation. There’s a girl out there that will think you hung the moon just for her because of a good night kiss on the cheek that makes her blush, not because of a gift you bought her with the money you were supposed to give to your landlord. NOW GET OUT THERE AND GO FIND HER, she’s out there waiting for you.
She sounds absolutely awful
It sounds like you truly believe that this “wasn’t her”.
And maybe, to some degree, she really was different once, but let me tell you: It’s really only “to some degree”.
You got together when she was 20, which is normally when young adults either go to university and study or enter the job market after being done with school. Yet you said that she has no job, no aspirations and no skills.
If she would have truly been different at one point, in the beginning of the relationship, then she would have something to show. Some skills, some job experience gained, some semblance of at least having once had the wish to make something out of herself besides making a man her ATM. But you said that she has nothing, which means that she truly was this way from the beginning, you were only blind to it.
And also remember that we are the company we keep. The friend didn’t put anything into her brain via mind control – your ex chose to listen to the friend, your ex chose to put material wealth given to her for free above all else, your ex chose hanging out with this friend in the first place because she felt she resonated with the friend and agreed with the mindset.
You need to understand that she, really and truly, was like this and is like this – and you just didn’t see it.
I’m sorry but this sounds made up af 🤨
Brother, you dodge a nuke…
I get that she is all you had bro, but you seriously need to understand that you were being used and abused.
This woman had no respect for you and didn’t care half as much about you as you did her.
I know you’re hurting now, but she saved you from years more of pain and suffering.
Sounds like she did you a favour honestly.
I’m sorry to hear this has happened to you. I’m sorry to say this and it will hurt but she was using you and took advantage.
She broke up with you over a text which is disrespectful. You need to stay strong and positive. There is someone out there for everyone. I believe everyone has a soul mate and we have to go through these heart breaks to find that special someone.
I hope you find happiness and strength.
Letting go of someone is one of the absolute worst things you have to do. It doesn’t matter if that’s for the right or wrong reasons. That’s a fact, and one of those things you have to face in life. You need to feel comfortable with feeling uncomfortable. Because as time goes on, you will learn that you will be OK.
Your gut is telling you to avoid this feeling, trying to make things work. True, it’s avoidable, other than say a close friend or relative’s death. But it’ll only be a stay of execution, because this is not what a sane person would want. I know giving up after the investment you’ve made will make it feel like defeat, but if you pull the band aid off now, it will feel like sweet victory in a month or two.
Invest in your own mental health, and do it, as hard as it may seem right now.