TLDR: I have terrible anxiety before every date with my (18m) bf which is making me want to cancel our big date. I dont know what to do.
Context. I- 18 f, have been dating this guy, 18m for the last 4 months. We met at an exhibition I was showing my work and hit it off from there. This is my first ever relationship and so the whole experience has felt new and exciting and alien all at the same time- like learning that I am NOT a physical touch person but absolutely love quality time and just talking. So far it’s been me trying to understand all of these new feelings, how to communicate them and understanding how exactly a relationship functions. Because of that we’ve been going slow and taking time to ask important questions up front and early on to make sure were on the same page.
The issue at the moment is that before every single date for the past 2-3 months I have been horribly anxious in the days leading up to it for no apparent reason. At first it was butterflies and a bit of excitement the day before a date, but now it is making me nauseous in the week leading up to it and all I want to do is run away from him and cancel the date. It feels like a fight or flight flight response, like my body is telling me to get away. It’s suffocating. And the worst part is that he has done nothing to make me feel like this EVER. I have been shocked by how kind and understanding he has been the whole time, especially with my recent surgery- after which he frequently came over, almost like a nurse, to help me with anything and hang out when none of my friends could. My anxiety makes me feel like his adoration is too good to be true, like there is something wrong when we have great communication and no issues. I just dont get it.
This has only worsened since my BF said he wanted to do a special big sleepover date to make it official. Originally it was meant to be a month ago but I ended up needing surgery and postponed it because of my long recovery. Now it’s this sunday and I am so horribly anxious just thinking about it. I just want to cancel it and break up and dont know why. I really dont want to disappoint him since this is something he has planned for me for a while. I dont know what to do.
Edits: Grammar.
Comments
Girl this level of anxiety is above Reddit’s paygrade. You should be talking to a doctor and a therapist because this is seriously impacting your life.
Also I would look into the asexuality spectrum and see how that vibes with you.
Is ‘special big sleepover’ code for having sex for the first time?
Can I reassure you, this is absolutely normal if you’ve not built up a good strong bond yet. If you enjoy his company and like this person, spend time and invest in the relationship. Your anxiety is probably induced by your expectations and fear.
Give yourself some grace and take a breather- and have a sleepover only if you are 100% comfortable