38 M married to a 38 F Japanese. Live in Japan.
I just don’t know what to do here, and I know I will get downvoted. I’ve been living with my wife for a year and married for half of that.
I just feel like I don’t belong. I can’t related to anyone in this family. What attracted me to my wife when we dated just isn’t there. It could have also been my alcohol brain influence.
My wife doesn’t take an interest in my life. When I do share things like my goals and motivations she doesn’t take an interest. Is this typical Japanese families? Maybe it was how she was raised? I don’t know why I didn’t find it so strange she wanted a kid right away after only dating for a few month.
I’ve lost weight. Close to 100 days sober. Nothing from her. Also we’ve been together but also no sex. We’ve tried but she just doesn’t enjoy it. I don’t enjoy it with her. She doesn’t sexually attract me and she doesn’t do anything to get me in the mood.
She does want a kid soon though. She wants me to start to jizz in a cup for her once we get back from our America trip.
She’s going to meet my family. And all I’ve ever done when calling my family is complain about her. I’m feeling down and confused. Why do I feel this way? I’m on vacation.
TL;DR Feeling lost in multicultural relationship. Wife takes no interest in my life goals or motivations. Sex life is non existent although she wants to have a child soon.
Comments
It sounds like there are deep cultural and personal differences affecting your relationship.
This relationship isn’t right, that’s very clear.
Please don’t have a kid with her, it really wouldn’t be fair on the kid.
Divorce.
This sounds un-fixable. What made you ask her to marry you?
Whatever you do, do not have a kid with her. I do not know what you mean exactly by jizzing in a cup for her? It sounds like she wants to inseminate herself with your sperm but actually not interested in sex with you to conceive naturally?
All you’ve written suggests to me that you should get a divorce as soon as you can or you will be miserable for the rest of your marriage/life.
please do not bring a kid into this messed up marriage you’re doing more harm than good
You already know the answer to this but you have to leave. What is the point in this relationship? It sounds like you both don’t like each other.
She probably just wants a mixed kid. Run bro, run.
Don’t get her pregnant, you don’t need permission to divorce, just leave.
Have you been drunk the entire relationship apart from the last 100 days?
Absolutely DO NOT make a kid with her. You’ll never see them again. Just divorce. It’s not worth it. You’ve been had. She is a gaijin hunter. Divorce and run. DO NOT make her a kid unless you’re okay with being used as a sperm bank and never having a relationship with the kid.
It’s very obvious to anyone reading this that you need to get divorced. Just go and see a divorce lawyer this week and get the ball rolling.
Don’t do anything that could get her pregnant including the cup business.
This isn’t a marriage or even a relationship. She sounds like she needs a sperm donor? Don’t have a kid with her.
You’re married and made vows. I would fight tooth and nail for that marriage, leaving no stones unturned until I even think about the D-word. You only have one card to play right now and it’s the kid card. Use that as leverage to communicate, go to counseling, and work it out. DO NOT HAVE A KID UNTIL YOU ARE BOTH IN A BETTER PLACE!!! Not only is it unfair for the kid, but it’ll only exasperate how you currently feel. Too early to tell if it works out, just need to put in the work and see. Japanese culture is highly patriarchal, man is the head of the household. Do not let her pressure you to do xyz.
Why on earth did you let it go this far? If you read what you write im pretty sure you know exactly what to do.
Really confused as to why you ended up dating her and even married her in the first place, was she different before but had a 180 degree personality switch? Or did you just married her because she pressured you? So many questions..
It sounds to me like she married you out of convenience. This is clearly not working out for you and it’s best to split before bringing a kid into this.
Please get out, having a child in Japan will not work out well for you with the custody laws they have there. You have this easy right now so use it and leave, it isn’t worth a life of misery.
Out of curiosity… what was it exactly that attracted you to her? And what made her want to marry you?
Bro, get out. Why are both of you in this relationship in the first place. Do NOT get her pregnant! Break up, go home and build your own life.
You sound like a mail order spouse. Leave immediately
Whilst I’m not trying to bash you for your efforts being sober ~ Perhaps the alcoholism ruined it for her and she simply isn’t attracted to you any more.
But honestly, I don’t think you can fix the issues here.
Do not have a child with her. A child in this dysfunctional marriage will not make it work.
Separate now.
DO NOT HAVE A KID. A kid doesn’t solve anything. You are the point where a divorce would be better. You said it yourself that there is no live life.
Man I got depressed just reading your story. Must be hell having to live it. Jesus – jizz in a cup!!!
How did this relationship even end in a marriage is beyond me. Did you both not get to know each other extensively before getting married? And now trying to complicate it more by having a kid. You don’t even sound like you are living a human life anymore. You’re technically just decoration now. What made you even want to marry her?
I wonder if she is being pressured to make grandbabies by her parents.
I also wonder, based on the sexual mismatch, if maybe she’s gay or ace and can’t admit it to her parents (or herself).
Stop with the vacation mentality and get real. Get a divorce and go home already. Get professional help for your alcoholism.