My girlfriend (19F) and I (18M) have been in a relationship for almost 2 years now. This is also my first ever relationship and because of that there are people telling me to not get to comfortable or to not get too attached , said people are family members my friends and some other family members suggest me that I’m too lucky to have her and to not listen to what others say.
When it comes to how I feel about her I want to marry her I don’t even want to think of being with another person she is so perfect for me I can’t live without her and she has told me that that’s how she also feels about me and the last 3 months we have been discussing about getting married.
Also another thing to mention is that she is from the Netherlands and we have been thinking about moving out there and I was also thinking of going to college there. Now the biggest problem is our parents. Her parents really like me and treat me like a family member and in the other hand my family is quite different my mom dislikes her and the annoying part is that she doesn’t give any reason for hating on my gf but she doesn’t show it I front of my gf , my dad is chill about it he doesn’t care what we do as long as I’m happy and my brother is also cool with her so basically my mom is the main problem here.
Now about going to the Netherlands with my gf we are gonna live with her parents until we gather enough money to buy our own house and my mom doses like this she telling that this is a vet big commitment and that I’m too young but my gut and my heart are both telling me to go to the Netherlands it’s just that all the negative stuff coming from my mom make feel like I’m doing something wrong and it’s getting to me making feel depressed and less excited to leave home and go live with the love of my life. What should I do.
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TLDR basically me (18M) and my gf(19F) we have been together for 2 year and we want to move out but my mom and some other relatives are against this but my closest friends and some other family members are with me and I just don’t know what to do.
Comments
What country are you from? Are you allowed to live in the Netherlands?
What money do you intend to live on?
Your parents might not technically be able to stop you from living where you want but they don’t have to pay for your life.
Other than your mom. Ask her parents and other older adults their opinion. People who want the best for both of you. With you being young, and this is the first big relationship, you just don’t have experience to see potential problems. It’s similar to someone giving you keys to a Ferrari, and you’ve never driven. That’s not to say that this won’t work, though statistically, it’s very rare people stay with their first love, and extremely rare the grow old together. Once you both get used to living together, the highly emotional part of the relationship will fade very quickly. Once you have a place to call your own, the cracks in the relationship will show really quickly.
By talking to older people you trust and asking what potential issues they see, it might save you a lot of heartache, money, or even your future. All of this fun, exciting time can become very real and very serious if a pregnancy happens. Then, how you parent will be a constant struggle. How do you divide chores? How is your money being divided? Do you have a joint bank account? If you don’t have answers to all of these and more, you aren’t ready to move out safely. Personally, I think your mom is probably trying to protect you from yourself and being young and to help you from making dumb decisions. Every adult on this planet has made very dumb decisions, so expect the same from yourself.
Also, don’t put her on a pedestal. She’s not perfect anymore than you are. Enjoy the relationship for what it is, which is your first. It’s not a race, there’s no goals. Just enjoy the time with here. Plan your future so you can make a good living. You should be focusing on a career more than a relationship. The relationship is just a bonus. You need money to live, and you need a career for a family.
Putting aside Love for the moment…..my daughter visited The Netherlands, fell in love with Utrecht and wanted to finish her degree there but it was cost prohibitive. Have you looked at the costs of studying as an expat? Also they have a huge housing affordability problem, so between high cost of university and high cost of housing, you would struggle financially for a very long time. What sums have you done on affording this?
You’re an adult, so you get to make your own life choices. But, you need to make “smart” life choices based on facts and reality. Not rash, “I’m in love” decisions. You need to do some research, on cost of living, college expenses, rent, cost of utilities, groceries, gasoline. Everything.
You need to figure out how you’ll afford school, if you’ll be able to work as well, if her parents expect rent, etc. Will you be fine living with them for years, potentially? Is that ok with them? What will your roles and responsibilities be while living with them? What expectations will they have while you live with them?
There are so so many things to think about, things to learn and figure out before you make your decision. Lots of conversations, phone calls, and lists need to be made.