This might be long, so thanks in advance if you read it all.
I (F) met this guy on Tinder a while back. He messaged first, said he was looking for something serious — which I also want. From the beginning when we met, I made it clear I’m a “lover girl”: I like communication, calls, consistent attention. I wasn’t gonna pretend this time that I’m cool with whatever lol. He said he was emotionally available and healed from his past. We had great chemistry, he planned dates, showed up, and overall seemed like a good guy.
However, outside of our physical meetups, I noticed we didn’t have deep conversations. Most of his texts were generic, and instead of engaging, he would just send reels. I tried to be understanding — people are busy — but I still felt something was missing emotionally. I asked for small things like selfies or voice calls (nothing crazy), but he’d often ignore those requests.
During his birthday week, he was really busy. I had offered to take him out, but he already had plans with his friends. I understood that, but I still expected a quick message — just something to show he was thinking of me before heading out. Instead, the whole day passed in silence. He hadn’t texted me the day before either — I had gone to bed without hearing from him, and only saw his reply at around 11:30 p.m. When I texted him early the next morning, he didn’t respond until late afternoon. By then, I’d gone to the movies and had stopped checking my phone. When I finally replied, I was kind but distant — I had spent two days waiting, overthinking, and feeling emotionally drained. He noticed my tone and asked why I seemed cold. I told him the truth: that I felt overlooked and a little dismissed. He apologized and reassured me that he cared and wasn’t going anywhere.
About a week later, I asked him to call me, just a simple “I’d love to hear your voice.”. Mind you, we had been dating for over a month and had never spoken on the phone. Instead of calling, he just texted, “Just woke up, about to start work.” I felt brushed off again — like my request didn’t really matter, but I didn’t want to come off as needy, so I kept my cool. That day, I didn’t react to his reels or engage much, he texted later at night asking how my day was and i just responded simply it was good hope yours was too, he read and responded “oh i see” laterr in the evening, the next morning he texted the usual hello have a nice day and i told him you too, i didn’t want to make him feel like i was airing him. i also knew he was gonna work from the office that day so i decided to wait until after work hours to reach out, so later, I sent him a voice note explaining how I felt — that I’m someone who appreciates emotional closeness and little gestures. I reminded him that when we met, I told him who I was and what I wanted. I also said that if these things felt like too much for him at this early stage, maybe he should let me know.
His response shocked me.
He said I had ghosted him (which I didn’t), accused me of punishing him with silence like a “textbook narcissist,” said I was manipulative, compared me to his exes – that he would be walking on eggshells around me and not know what might set me off next, called me a child, and basically implied that I was too demanding, he said I was focusing on trivial things and not us spending time together, and that I punished him with silence. I was hurt. I tried to stay calm and de-escalate, told him I wasn’t trying to hurt or punish him, just trying to express a need. I asked him why my message — which was vulnerable and respectful — triggered such an angry reaction.
Eventually, I apologized for not expressing myself better. He said it was too late and that he was done. I told him I wouldn’t beg, but I was still sorry if my actions came off wrong — and if his way of handling conflict was to end things, I wished him the best.
The next morning at about 5 am, I sent a final voice note — calm, respectful, heartfelt. I apologized for not communicating better and took a day to come back to him, I told him I thought we had something worth salvaging, and that we shouldn’t throw it away over a misunderstanding. I let him know I really liked him, but I’d respect his decision if he didn’t want to continue.
He replied the next day saying “thank you and I’m sorry for my reaction” and that he needed some time to think.
It’s been four days now. He’s been watching my stories, but not a single word from him. At this point, it feels like he’s punishing me with silence — the very thing he accused me of. I don’t want to reach out again because I feel like doing so would only teach him that he can mistreat me and I’ll still come running. He said he wanted something serious, but his actions are showing the opposite.
I’ve cried so much over this — not because I was in love yet, but because I really tried to approach this the right way. I was intentional. I followed his lead. I didn’t rush anything. I was trying so hard not to come off as too needy or too much.
And the one time I calmly voiced a need — just asked that we resolve a disagreement instead of letting things fester — I was met with defensiveness and rejection. Instead of working through it, he shut down and walked away.
Now he has this trip coming up, and if he can leave without saying anything, then maybe that’s the clarity I’ve been avoiding.
I keep hoping he’ll reflect and realize he overreacted — that he’ll come back and take some responsibility — but maybe that’s just me clinging to potential instead of reality. I don’t want to chase someone who punishes me for being emotionally honest.
Do I wait a little longer? Should I reach out to him? Or do I finally accept that he may not have the emotional maturity this kind of connection requires?
Part of me knows I deserve better — love that isn’t so fragile or conditional, but another part still holds onto the hope that he meant the things he said in the beginning.
TL;DR:
Met a guy on Tinder who said he wanted something serious. Things started great, but he wasn’t emotionally engaging outside of dates. I expressed (gently) that I wanted more emotional connection—like occasional calls or photos. He exploded, called me manipulative and narcissistic, and said I reminded him of his ex. I apologized, he said he needed space, and now he’s ignoring me while still watching my stories. I want to know – should reach out to him? or leave him be until he comes around by himself ?