hello, my boyfriend and i have been together for almost a year and half and also have been living together for about 7 months now.
tl;dr: the issue that has been ongoing and that i don’t know how to bring up is that i feel like he makes his insecurities from past relationships my problem. and not in a way where he just needs more reassurance, but in a way where he gets upset with me and won’t talk to me for hours if something i did he perceives as a “hint” to me doing something to betray his trust.
recent example, last night i told him that our cat just bit me and swatted me in the face. i was expecting him to maybe laugh or even get jokingly mad at the cat, but instead he says “good, i told her to do that.” which did hurt my feelings even if it was some kind of joke. then he immediately refers to a comment a friend made on my instagram post that says, “you guys are the cutest couple, i’m your number one fan” mind you, me and my boyfriend are both good friends with this person, AND this person is in an MLM relationship. my bf says, “why did you comment that we’re also friends name number one biggest fan” and i simply said “because that’s how instagram comments work, when somebody compliments you you’re supposed to compliment them back.” he said nothing in response to this.
he didn’t talk to me for the rest of the night. he usually wakes me up in the morning to say goodbye to me before he goes to work and he didn’t do that, knowing that it means a lot to me.
this is not the first time this has happened. he takes seemingly the smallest things that i would not classify as a warning sign as a reason to validate his fears that i’m going to cheat on him. which he knows i would never do, and i am offended at the mere assumption that i could be so morally and emotionally inept.
i am admittedly angry when this happens, because we have a good relationship. but he is sabotaging it. every time this happens it makes me feel like there is nothing i can do to make him trust me, without trust in a relationship there is nothing. from what he has told me, i have done nothing to actually betray his trust. i know i would never betray his trust.
i am insecure, i have been betrayed by others in ways that are unforgivable, but i never make it his problem. i know how to regulate my own feelings when i can recognize that a past experience is making me feel bad. i feel this is unfair because it was not me who treated him badly, but i am getting the brunt of it.
if he wanted me to simply reassure him when he’s down i would be happy to. i know it can be hard to get over insecurities, and i would be happy to help him. but he is making it so hard for me to help him when he refuses to talk to me when he’s in these moods.
i want to know how to approach this situation without making it worse? any advice would be appreciated