Location: New Hampshire, USA
I just turned 18 about a month ago and at one of our family friend’s barbecues my mom struck up conversation with the host’s brother’s wife about my coming of age. She told my mom about something she did when her daughter came of age, where they got these “Mama Bear Legal” papers notarized and it gave her the ability to make decisions if her daughter was medically incapacitated. This didn’t sound too bad at first, and I wasn’t against it since I don’t have a bad relationship with my mom and I trust her to make medical decisions in an emergency. However, my mom gave me a folder and told me to get it notarized today without even expecting me to read it, but before I went to go sign it, I flipped through it, and it looks like it gives her the rights to WAY more things. I called her and asked what it was, and she swears it only has to do with medical decisions if I’m incapacitated, yet I’m seeing sections about my educational records, finances, etc. My mom is now upset with me for not wanting to sign it right away. Does anyone know anything about this company and what the papers do? I’m admittedly a little clueless when it comes to things like this (to be fair, I just turned 18) but I just don’t want to sign my right to my own finances and information away. There is also a possibility that I might be left all of my grandfather’s money and assets in the near future (my mom and him don’t have a good relationship) so this is especially concerning. If anyone has any information please let me know!
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NAL but I’ve seen posts about this type of thing before. Short of it is you’re right to be concerned and it does give her more control over you than just medical decisions
Don’t do it. Tell her that these are legal documents and you want to review them with a legal advisor before signing anything. Then? Call your county bar association and ask for a referral to an attorney who specializes in adult guardianship/conservatorship matters who will give you a free 30-minute consultation.
The harder she presses for you to sign without doing this? The more resistant you should be to signing. These are YOUR legal rights. Don’t give them away without legal counsel.
Your mom wants what she wants. What do you want? This is your affairs we’re talking about, so you are the final authority on what you do with them, and it’s your goals that matter.
> I just don’t want to sign my right to my own finances and information away.
Then don’t. “This doesn’t work for me” is a pretty complete sentence. So is putting her off, if you’d prefer not to directly refuse – “I haven’t gotten around to it” and similar excuses may hold her off.
> Does anyone know anything about this company and what the papers do?
We’d have to read them, and reading documents and advising you of their legal implications is the kind of advice you need a local attorney for, not Reddit. If your mom’s serious about asking you to sign this, ask her to pay for the lawyer to review them. If she’s not interested in doing that, well, the default is that you don’t sign things you don’t understand or don’t agree with.
NAL
If you want your mother to be able to make medical decisions in the case of an emergency you want a medical power of attorney, not whatever this thing is.
Mama Bear looks like one of those services that provide forms with no guidance, and I tend to not trust those places.
Also – keep in mind that she’s likely already your next of kin if you don’t have any children or a spouse yourself. If you were medically incapacitated, that would matter.
Before signing legal documents, it would be wise to get a professional consultation. Paying 100 bucks or so to have a lawyer give you legal advice would be money well spent.
As your next of kin your mother can already make medical decisions if you were to become incapacitated and this would not change unless you were to marry or designate another person legally. There’s no medical reason to sign any document giving away powers to a parent. Now that your 18 your parents are no longer legally required to support you and if they make support dependent on your signing of the papers you would have another decision to make.
NAL but I am a mom and nope nope nope I’d never sign those papers or ask my children to sign them. You are signing away a lot on those if they are anything like the templates other young adults have shared.
Don’t sign them, you don’t need her to control your life once you’re an adult.
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Don’t sign them. I have a son in college and a lot of parents on an info Facebook page I am for his school were saying how it was a great idea but I don’t think it is at all. My son has me as his emergency contact plus I am his next of kin, so I don’t see any benefit of having him sign away all of his rights to me. He’s an adult, I have to trust him. It seems the parents with this much authority don’t let their kids make any decisions on their own. If he has an issue at school, it’s up to him to resolve. I think it’s an overreach and those parents need some therapy so they can adjust to having an adult child.
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Designating someone as a healthcare proxy that you trust through a durable power of attorney for healthcare can be great thing so that you know who is making medical decisions for you if you are ever incapacitated. If you are interested in that, you should have your own attorney look over the documents.
Obviously, this is setting up more than a healthcare proxy, but it may not actually be nefarious or giving your mother power over your finances and educational records if you are not incapacitated. Many times, in addition to designating a healthcare proxy, you also give that person power over your finances in the case you are incapacitated so they can do things like pay your bills and set up a leave of absence from your college for medical reasons.
However, this could also be giving your mother full power of attorney while you are not incapacitated, which is a completely different thing. You definitely need to understand what your mother is requesting and what it means – a quick consult with a trusts and estates attorney will answer that for you.
>My mom is now upset with me for not wanting to sign it right away. Does anyone know anything about this company and what the papers do?
This really depends on the laws of your state and whether those papers comply with them. The internet has been great about the law for some things, like easily searching case law, statutes, and regulations so that you no longer have to keep volumes of books but horrible with others like people assuming you can sign this cookie cutter document that covers everything and your state enforce it. For example, if there was a single document giving the agent medical decisions, financial decisions, access to medical information, and other information, it likely wouldn’t satisfy the statutory requirements of both a Durable POA and and Medical POA in my state. Your state may be similar.
If it was something she bought off the internet, I would be seriously dubious as to whether it (1) does what she thinks it does and (2) can do what she thinks it does. If you’re willing to entertain this, you should tell your mom that you would like to go to a local attorney to get this done. Simple medical POA’s can be quickly drawn up by a lawyer and they’re only going to charge a few hundred dollars. But it also comes with the attorney making sure you know what you’re signing because that’s his or her ethical duty.
The next closest kin to you would be your mom and dad. They would already have the ability to make medical decisions on your behalf if you were incapicitated. A medical poa helps streamline that process, but it’s already something they can do.
No is a complete sentence.
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Quick Google on the documents tells me you should NOT sign these. The recommendation to go over them with legal council is a good one. But from a cursory glance by a non-lawyer, it seems the documents included medical power of attorney, financial power of attorney, HIPAA release, and FERPA release. At 18, she does not need access to that information just because “something might happen to you.”
Highlight from their website:
“However, once a child turns 18, parents no longer have the authority to make medical or financial decisions for their children.” Like, yeah, no shit.
This would given her access beyond you being incapacitated.
Do not sign those documents. If you want your mother to have say over medical care, in case you are unable to decide yourself. Have a lawyer set up that. Set up your finances and will separately. You will likely want to change medical care decisions to a spouse in the future. There is no reason to give up any of your rights.
If you’re unmarried and have no children, your parents are very likely your legal next of kin anyway. Do not sign over any rights unless you’re 100% confident you know exactly what you’re signing.
People with good intentions do not get mad when the other party wants to comprehend the paperwork to its full extent.
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If one of the forms is an authorization to allow a medical provider to talk with her if you are not able to communicate, you could decide to sign that one and give it to her. That’s the only one she asked for and you agreed to.
Ask her to give you money to pay for a lawyer to review them.
Maybe your mother is planning ahead to extract the funds you may get from your grandfather.
Any legal documents your mother has drafted for you are likely only going to restrict your liberties. High-pressure signing deadlines leverage perceived authority and existing power dynamics to get you to give up freedoms with little protection. Don’t sign until you read. Maybe even post the documents for review.
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Your parents still will have legal rights if you’re incapacitated, unless you’re married. So DO NOT SIGN THE PAPERS.
NAL, buy yhy don’t you send the docs to your grandfather and see what he thinks?
If it’s all above board, I’m sure he’d have no problem with it.
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Do not sign all of those, and I say this as a parent of a 19-year-old. The only one you should sign would be to give medical power of attorney to a parent in the event you are unable to make your own medical decisions. Parents do not need unfettered access to bank accounts, college records, or medical care of capable adult children.
You can literally get a medical power only. Sounds like she’s trying for guardianship.
Other posters have asked about these “Mama Bear” documents here before, OP. They are used by parents to continue having authority and control over their children’s lives after they have turned 18. It would be a very bad idea to sign them. In general, it’s always a bad idea to sign anything that a person is pressuring you to sign without reading or understanding what it is.
I’ve never had the chance to see any of the Mama Bear documents firsthand, but based on my knowledge from other posts, they don’t stop at a Medical Power of Attorney. Instead, they often comprise a full suite of documents, including a generalized Power of Attorney that would give your mother the right to basically be you, on paper. She could access your bank accounts, academic records, and health records. She could open credit or take out loans. And while a POA is typically revocable, it can take a lot of time and effort to “undo” any access that may have been previously granted– and financial and credit damage can’t ever be undone, just recovered from.
OP, as an 18-year-old, you are under absolutely no obligation to sign anything, and anything you do sign will be binding. Be prepared for her to try to control you if you refuse– she may even kick you out of the house. But that’s still better than giving someone else full access and control over every aspect of your life.
Can you upload the papers? Healthcare Power of Attorney is one thing, but this sounds like more than that. Does anything say Durable Power of Attorney? (You do NOT want to give anyone Durable Power of Attorney).
Mom here. Don’t do it. There is absolutely no reason a parent needs these documents for a non disabled adult child. Hopefully this is just her way of handling her anxiety about you growing up (it is a hard thing to watch your kid move on!) But that’s her problem not yours.
Don’t do this!! These are a form of power of attorney papers give him her complete control over you do not do it
NAL – but I will share a story with you. Sister in law became medically incapacitated at 55. No husband, no children and no parents. Decisions about her care went to her eldest family member. He made all the decisions. Of course he consulted with her other siblings.
There was no need for medical paperwork. Hope this helps.
It was in South Carolina if that matters.
Don’t sign. I have a son that is a year older than you. I would never ask for this much control nor would I want it
Do
Not sign!!!!
It’s stripping you of your rights.
Burn those. In front of her if possible.
Nope, nope nope nope nope nope nope nope. Unless your married your parents ( next of kin) can still make medical decisions for you. What these papers will do is to give your mom complete control over you for the rest of your life. Physically and financially.
Unless you forgot to mention that you’re married, your mom is your next of Ken. What do you need paperwork for if all she wants to do is be able to make medical decisions on your behalf?
How nice of your mother to teach you such a valuable life lesson so early on.
Never sign something that you 1) Don’t fully understand and 2) that you don’t get equal value back for what you’re giving up.
And as a bonus lesson, anyone that’s rushing you to sign something fast, without reading, let alone understanding it – is ALWAYS for their benefit, not yours.
Don’t sign anything.
So im pretty sure (NAL but in Healthcare for years) that as next of kin your parents automatically have the ability to make medical decisions for you in an emergency or when you can’t state your wishes. This does have limits but there’s no need to have a signed document. If you are moving away, you can have them listed as emergency contacts and keep their info in your wallet. That said, Mom is being shady. Get legal advice. Get something in place for that inheritance. I have a trust for my daughter and no one can touch it without going to probate court first.
Nooe nope nope.
DO NOT SIGN IT WITHOUT TALKING TO A LAWYER
Anyone pressuring you to sign a legal document is a HUGE red flag, regardless of how you know them.
Never a bad age (as an adult) to document End of Life wishes and establish Power of Attorney documents, especially to be able to define YOUR wishes (i.e.; life support or no? Extraordinary measures or no? Etc.) but these are rather standard form documents in the US and the way this “mama bear” topic is presented, it seems they may go beyond… I’m not familiar with what is in that packet, and yeah, few 18 YOs are thinking about these things, but probably should. Just my thoughts.
Do not sign.
Even if you trust your mom completely and utterly then I still wouldn’t sign these. It’s basically a conservatorship hiding under a medical POA document.
This is your mom trying to nab your grandfather’s inheritance, dude.
Mom (58) here and NAL, but do not sign these. Especially if you may get money soon. I’ve heard of these and they are for overbearing, pushy parents. Your mom can make medical decisions already if you’re incapacitated. With theses, she gets too much power over your regular life.
I’m not a lawyer, but do NOT sign that document. You will be giving up your rights to her. I will also recommend that you get all of your documents, birth certificate, social security card, etc, and find a safe place for keeping them. If your mother is on any of your bank accounts, get new accounts without her. Finally, freeze your credit. No one can use your credit. If and when you want to get a credit card or car loan, all you have to do is contact the credit bureau and lift the freeze temporarily. I do not trust your mother not to take advantage of you.
These papers aren’t necessary for medical decisions as she is already next of kin.
Don’t sign this. You will be giving away control of your life for no reason. You have the ability to ask your mother for advice without giving her control.
I think your mom is using this paper as a bit of a con. She’s trying to make it look like its strictly for making medical decisions while her ultimate goal is your grandfather’s money. I would recommend NOT signing it and maybe even seek legal advice from a lawyer.
NAL but dont fucking sign this bro. I dont care wht she says to you do not do it.
Your parents would be able to help you if you were medically incapacitated without any signed documents.
If you are nervous about that then you get medical power of attorney paperwork and you give it to your mom once you have signed it.
I wouldn’t sign them. All these do is speed up a process for granting your mother authority to make decisions, but all of these are obtainable through the guardianship process.
In talking to her about the subject, just say that you looked into it and talked to an attorney and learned that some companies push things that are not legally necessary in order to sell, but because you do not have substantial assets, not religious prohibitions that prevent certain medical procedures you can rely upon the following points:
Some parents have their children sign these when they are paying tuition. I know that if I am paying $100k a year for college, I will require access to records because I am not paying for failing to attend class and going on academic probation. I am not legally entitled to the information but also not legally obligated to pay for college. If I have paid a non refundable $50k from my pocket, I do indeed want advanced knowledge that my kid has failed out of school and is not welcome back. I have friends who encountered this, it is a valid concern.
You should approach this subject lightly as you may be dependent on your parents’ support for multiple years as an adult. Gaining instant independence, for instance by joining the military, may not be part of your goals.
Another uncommon legal form is an emancipation statement that allows you to sign your own permission slips and absence slips with your high school. These are also required to establish state residency in some states for in state tuition.
You can also pull up a living will and power of attorney form off the internet to grant your mom more limited powers under a more limited circumstance, such as being in a vegetative state. She may have difficulty explaining why she wants you to sign the other forms after you get those.
If you take the initiative to do that, she loses the leverage of saying you aren’t doing anything and it forces her to argue about legal matters she might not fully understand. People generally have a hard time arguing for things they don’t understand quite as well.
Use your skills of negotiation and charm because the value of having a parent that will support you as an adult is incredible and may outweigh some independence. Rent is very high and you can easily pay off $120k in debt in just a few years, be one of the few Gen Z homeowners. It’s hard to think of this now, but $36k in rent plus a lot of extra expenses like food, internet, electricity, and avoiding the psycho roommate who eats your food and leaves messes can be golden. There are quite a few contracts I would sign for an extra $40k a year.
They are simple power of attorney documents. Many adults have them as part of their wills. With Mama Bear, each portion is a separate document. You can sign one or all of them if you choose. The financial power of attorney seems to cause the most concern for people so skip that one if it makes you feel better. The medical power of attorney is recommended for all adults.
Expecting you to just sign without understanding is a Big Red Flag. As others have suggested get a lawyer to check and tell you what you are signing away.
DO NOT SIGN under any circumstances!!!
DO NOT SIGN
If you are unmarried, your parents would have the right to determine medical decisions if you are unable to anyway.
This is a ploy to take away peoples self determination and it’s sickening. Parents are meant to raise their children to make decisions for themselves, care for themselves and live their own lives. The enmeshment of some parents is out of control.
Don’t sign them. Tell her you’re not signing them, and be prepared for her to get really nasty.
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Do not sign them. Since you aren’t married, if you are in an accident, your mom would be able to make medical decisions for you. Or you could draft a limited power of attorney to draft medical papers stating that for you. Use your own attorney
Your mom is trying to pull a Britney Spears lite on you. Those are helicopter parent continuing control papers. You can get a medical power of attorney with the conditions that she only has that power if you are incapacitated and can’t make those decisions on your own, but she’s trying to get access to your life in a way that she is no longer legally entitled to with the paperwork she handed you.
Do not sign this thing. This is a highly unusual think that nobody needs to do.
Don’t sign shit.
This has come up in the past. Basically, most of this is unnecessary as your parents could already consult with doctors in your care if you were incapacitated without these docs. It also gives your parents access to your medical and school records, which is unnecessary. There’s also power of attorney but that’s probably not too relevant, and very uncommon for a young adult to have. Here’s the previous discussion: https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/16nxw5g/just_turned_18_parents_had_me_sign_mama_bear
Sign nothing.
All she needs to be is your emergency contact.
She’s trying to trick you into giving her guardianship/conservator rights.
It is infinitely easier to sign that paper than it is to convince the court that you’re of sound and able mind and would like to nullify it.
Do. Not. Sign. Anything. Run it through a lawyer, and then tell your mom. When she does the expected “you aren’t a lawyer you don’t know what it is”…few things: 1) if I don’t know what it is, I am 5000% not signing it. 2) what I told you is directly from a lawyer.
Sign. Nothing.
Here is a story of a 27 year old still under that POA. Would it be signed under duress if the parent is still providing for their adult child (housing, higher education, etc.) and they were pressured into it. How is it revoked?
https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/s/vNBTO8G1Rn
Don’t sign any of these.
Just tell your mother that you will sign a durable medical power of attorney, but not all the other stuff.
She’s literally trying to control you and your finances still. She must think you’re an idiot. DO NOT SIGN!!!
My bat crap mother tried to get me to do this when I was married and had my first kid. Literally said it would be better if she was in charge of my son and wanted me to sign him over.
NAL but do not sign anything you don’t understand and without having it reviewed by an attorney. Until you get married, your parents will be your next of kin for medical decisions anyway.
Do not sign this….”sorry mom, I’m 18. There’s a reason that’s considered legally an adult.”
OP, she’s lying to you. As your next of kin, she already has that responsibility. It sounds like she wants to remain in control of your financial, educational, and medical decisions. Do not sign that paperwork unless you want to give up your rights to her. I’m sorry she’s pressuring you, this is a mom failure on her part. Tell her you learned in school to not sign something unless you understand it. And she’s not being truthful about the paperwork, so you don’t want to. Just tell her no. But be prepared to move out just incase.
Before you sign anything talk to a lawyer to have them explain the documents to you in layman’s terms. Never sign legal documents without a lawyer.
You can file a an Advanced Directive or Medical Power of Attorney to cover these medical issues for you. These Mama Bear contracts are invasive and strip away your rights and autonomy. Ask her if she is willing to sign similar forms as MB so you can protect her in her advanced age. She how quickly it’s not needed for her.
If she really cared about you she would want you to understand legal documents you are considering signing.
Get a lawyer to check it out first. I wouldn’t sign it.
As an attorney, I refuse to draft those, period. I will not be handing my children one of those packets to sign.
My kids know Im an attorney. They also understand how conflicts work. And they, well at least the eldest one, understand I can’t competently give them advice to my benefit against their best interests, you know, like a fiduciary’s prohibitions against self dealing.
This sounds precisely like self dealing, but you should definitely seek outside counsel to affirm that, if that’s the case.
Read about tjis this some time ago. There were valid reasons for doing so, but I dont remember the context or content.
PLEASE do research, and if u can, speak with an attorney.
You could strike out parts of the agreement (possibly).
If you want to give your mother power to make decisions for you in the event you become incapacitated, then just pay the few hundred it will take to get a lawyer to set up what you actually want. These one size fits all internet solutions are bunk… and may not even be legal in your jurisdiction. Don’t use them.
There are health care proxy forms that can be a good thing.
Many states have a standard form you can download and execute. You can revoke it at any time.
This is just for healthcare, not finances, grades, etc.
These are especially recommended if you want someone OTHER than your mom to make decisions for you something bad happens (car accident, anvil dropped on your head, etc)
Also recommended if you want one parent, but not the other to be your proxy.
It seems these “mama bear” forms want way more control which is generally unnecessary unless the child has issues like addiction, mental illness,etc.
Absolutely do not sign these papers. If you are in a situation that has left you medically unavailable. There methods of granting someone medical PoA without this nonsense
She’s trying to get your grandfather’s inheritance.
Don’t sign anything, she already has those rights until you get married or make an advanced directive.
NAL but I can tell you that you can name her as your EC anywhere you want and as next if kin she will be the decision maker without the paperwork…..do with that information what you will.
I myself have two adult children, I do not have anything like this because it’s wholly unnecessary for able minded adults. I am still their E.C. when needed either way.
NAL, but you should reach out to a law office and tell them what you said here. They can help better and at the least point you in the right direction and maybe even answer a question or two.
You are correct in questioning this though, it looks like she is having you sign away your legal rights possibly.
It sounds like she wants to be able to be in control of your life. It’s inappropriate, but misplaced love. Don’t sign anything. If you are incapacitated and unmarried, decision-making automatically falls to your parents.
It seems like this has nothing to do with having power to make medical decisions for you since she can already do that without having to sign anything. It looks like it has almost everything to do with your mom wanting to get that money from your grandfather when he passes since they don’t have a good relationship.
I wouldn’t sign anything at all without having a lawyer look it over.
don’t do this. nothing good will come of it.
Don’t sign it. Your parents will already be the ones making those decisions if you were medically incapacitated.
Don’t sign anything lmao
IAAL – those are very potent and sensitive powers. You already know from your own review that they include things you don’t want.
I sometimes prepare “First Estate Plans” for my clients‘ young adult children (the parents always pay for them). I meet with the child privately to determine what THEY want to happen in the event of their incapacity or death. If the parents are disappointed, they don’t show it. Usually they are proud of their adult children‘s wise decision-making.
This Mama Bear thing sounds like something you know you don’t want. Don’t sign it. Those powers are real, and your mom could mess with your life.
AS A NOTARY!
Do not sign those papers. She does not need the rights to you and anything you’re uncomfortable signing should be red flagged by your notary and be refused to sign.
Absolutely not. Don’t be stupid, you’re 18 now. You’re finally free to make your own decisions and you’re giving away those rights.
IAAL, but I’m not your lawyer and I’m not licensed to practice in your state. I do however work on child welfare cases and the way your mother approached this and responded to your questions is concerning.
Legal agreements like this may have legitimate purposes (which is a bit dubious – usually next-of-kin have a say in medical treatment – but I don’t know the details of your situation, nor what what any agreement actually says), but if they do, they should be fully explained to you, especially since you are now 18. You’re absolutely right to press her for her own understanding of what this agreement does and why.
I looked into “mama bear legal” forms and they appear to be a vendor of legal paperwork similar to legalzoom but specifically for things like wills and power of attorney (I see they have a “young adult power of attorney package” and I wonder if this is what your mother’s given to you).
I think a very reasonably thing to do, would be to look for an actual attorney (there might be a legal aid clinic that could help, you’d want someone who knows about family/probate law) in your area to review these forms with you and explain them. Better still, have mom pay for this since this is all her idea (though be clear with the attorney that you are the client, not mom).
I’d point out that it’s possible your mother doesn’t fully understand what “young adult power of attorney” means herself. If she balks at paying for an attorney’s time, you can remind her it’s foolish to sign legal papers without fully understanding them, and if it’s not worth that expense, they’re not worth signing.
New Hampshire, like most states, has a website where you can obtain the forms necessary to create an Advanced Directive and assign a Medical Power of Attorney. At your age you probably don’t need a living will, so those two documents alone should be all you need to consider.
Google ” advanced directive New Hampshire ” and see what pops up.
That way you have complete control over creating the documents and determining to what extent your mother (or perhaps someone else) can have control and under what circumstances.
You are an autonomous adult, you can do this on your own. Advice is available if you need it.
If your mom is not happy about this, just let her know that this is a part of you becoming an adult. You can handle your own business.
If you do not have relevant legal advice to give to OP, do not post here. You will be banned. We aren’t going to be speculating on the motives of someone we’ve never met and potentially drive a wedge between a mother and child based upon internet strangers opinions spooking an 18 year old that knows nothing about the law. OP’s mother can either be wholly ignorant of the law and truly believes this is necessary, does have some ill intent, or somewhere between the two. We do not know. This is going to be a complicated relationship issue with two people that will be connected to each other on some level for the rest of their lives. We need to be giving information to OP so that they can make their own decision and not telling them what to do based upon our percieved run down of a situation we know very little about.
If you want her to have the ability to make medical decisions for you in case you are incapacitated, you can do that through your healthcare provider. She may be in the position to do so anyway since she’s your next of kin. I wouldn’t touch whatever your mom gave you with a ten foot pole if I were you.
If your mom wants you to sign it so bad, tell her you won’t do it unless she pays for you to have a consultation with a lawyer about it.
Ask your mom to be her Mama Bear and see how she acts.
IANAL, but your “big red flag” detector is functioning correctly.
Obviously we don’t know what exactly is in those documents, but quite often parents use them to gain control over a lot more than just emergency medical decisions. And the fact that you’re being pressured to sign them without due diligence is always a bad sign.
Yikes. She already has that power as your mother. Unless you get married. Hard pass lol. Sounds like some weird Deep South ritual 😂
She’s next of kin I am assuming and this will be making those decisions anyways. The issue with the last couple of generations is that parents have refused to let their kids grow up! You are 18, you don’t have kids or a bank full of 💰. When you do you can get a will, decide who will care for your babies and your possessions, until then just tell her to let you grow up. She isn’t, or at least shouldn’t be your “mama bear” at 18! Sure, she might still allow you to live in home to get thru college or started in life but you should be living with greater freedom and less control.
Do not sign any of that, get a lawyer to examine it
Sounds like a lot more cons than Pros. Do not sign it. Your grandfathers inheritance is somewhat of a red flag. Money changes people. Things get ugly fast when it comes to these things.
NAL. Advanced directives and power of attorney is all she needs to make medical decisions if you are incapacitated. You don’t need a third party company for that. Even if you don’t sign those types of papers and become medically incapacitated, if she is next of kin, the hospital will refer to her anyways. So in all honesty you really don’t need to sign anything.
I would never sign anything if it refers to giving away my financial and educational rights. That’s super shady.
Don’t sign them but also don’t be too hard on your mom. I’ve got a kid going off to college and this company is playing hard on parental worry – they are in all my social media ads right now. I’m a lawyer and they even had me worried for a bit.
She is probably not trying to swindle you – she’s just been lied to and she’s worried. They bank on that.
If you want to call her bluff, search for medical power of attorney documents and fill them out. this will give your mom the ability to make medical decisions if you are incapacitated, but also spells out your wishes. It does not give any other powers. you can also revoke it or change it if needed. Make sure it is a MEDICAL power of attorney, not just a Power of Attorney document. A regular Power of Attorney gives ability to make financial decisions
There are different forms in the Mama Bear legal. Only do the medical form if that is what you want.
I did these forms when my daughter left for college. I only did the medical form and maybe one other one. We have never used it in three years of college.
I think it is pay one fee and get all the forms, so maybe your mom went a little overboard and printed all of them. They are geared towards college students leaving home, but there is likely a lot of forms you don’t need.
Yeah, just say no. Parents freak out a little when their children become adults, and they lose all their authority at once. She’ll get used to it.
As an ICU doctor I can tell you that it sounds like she would already be your medical decision maker. It typically goes 1. Spouse 2. Kids 3. Parents 4. Others. But most of the time everyone who shows up and cares gets some sort of say.
If that’s all you were hoping to achieve, it’s already there.
Don’t do it.
If you are not married and have no adult children … your parents would be the next of kin and would have legal powers to act on your behalf if you are incapacitated.
Giving legal authority to anyone is a bad idea, even your parents.
My father stole my identity and ran up a bunch of credit cards in my name. He also gave my name to some po-dunk town when he was arrested for DUI. This caused me quite a bit of headache getting sorted out. Crazy shit can happen.
You are a legal adult now… start doing adult things, like protecting your own finances.
Sounds like a binder full of red flags!
Find a layer to review the paperwork. Tell your mother that’s what you are doing. If she gets upset about tell her you are an adult capable of making that decision and that anything to do with turning over any legal decisions should be looked at by a lawyer. If she is still upset tell her you know she would expect that if you were getting married and the partner asked to do the same thing.
If she’s still upset after giving reasons DO NOT SIGN! She is trying to pull something over on you and is violating your right to make your own decisions as a legal adult.
Good luck OP!
Also caveat I am not a lawyer.
Don’t sign. You can get a medical power of attorney form signed (which IS a good thing once you are 18, and important if you are partnered with somebody but not legally married).
Your state should have a a place to start.
Don’t sign it. You can get medical power of attorney type forms from your doctor if you want something like that in case you are incapacitated.
Don’t sign anything that gives her control over your bank account. Check and freeze your credit.
Never sign anything without reading it first. If it’s too complicated, have an attorney look it over first.
NAL but have worked with elderly and had many situations where these forms were signed and activated. I wouldn’t sign them at your age. If you really want to have someone on paper so they can make emergency medical decisions for you so you can please your mom, you can ask your doctor the next time you see them. The name of the document may change from each state but it’s generally a Health Care Proxy or medical power of attorney. You and your mom can have a copy and the doctor keeps one in their records. It’s a very common form that they can guide you through so you can be aware of what you’re signing- they’re normally signed before anyone has any intense procedure or go into surgery. But it’s normally like 1-2 pages so I am suspicious of anything that you need a whole folder for.
Fill out POA papers for your mom and see how that goes over
I would suggest you get your own paperwork if this is something you want. Look up “medical power of attorney” and there is also a financial one too. I’m sure there are several routes to getting these and they will be the way you want them, not hers.
I’m a paralegal at an estate planning law firm in CA, so here’s my thought: If your mom is really all that concerned about the situation and wanting “proper paperwork in place,” I would talk to her about MAYBE doing a compromise: you both would go to an estate planning attorney’s office and get the documents (Power of Attorney for Finances, Advance Health Care Directive) properly drafted by a professional. If done by an attorney, there can be language placed in the documents where the documents don’t come into effect until there’s a reason for it (you become mentally incompetent, etc.). That way, you get the protection of having Agents in place (people to take over should something happen to you), but there are restrictions as to what powers are granted to the Agent and WHEN the powers can be used. If mom doesn’t want to do this… well, you’re legally an adult and can tell her “no.”
I want to chime in on not signing. There are two additional issues I haven’t seen mentioned:
There is simply no benefit to you, and there are plenty of cases where parents have used these documents to do things such as fraudulently open accounts.
You might want to go get your free annual credit report and make sure your mom hasn’t already done something behind your back.
Don’t sign anything.
DONT FCKIN SIGN!!! This is a way parents use to control you after your an adult. It gives them access to everything you have , and make decisions about it. And if it was just medical, until you’re married they have to say anyway.
Don’t sign it. They are supposed to be letting go when you become an adult, not hold on tighter. If you’re coming into money, definitely don’t sign any sort of Power of Attorney, whether general or durable that gives her access to your finances, bank accounts, or credit. There is such a document as a Medical Power of Attorney or Healthcare Agent in my state that can express a person’s desire to have a person or party maje medical decisions on their behalf. It can be revoked at anytime as long as you have the capacity to do so. Stay away from any “Irrevocable” POAs. You may be more interested in a Living Will which outlines your wishes such as a DNR or Do Not Resuscitate order. My primary care physician always asks if I have one at my annual check up. You could tell her that you have a Living Will already executed.
This is a link to the young aduly power of attorney package.
Mama Bear Legal Forms: Young Adult Power of Attorney https://share.google/030rLymgnEKZLV0wJ
Mama Bear is trying to make money off of things you can get for free off of the internet. Look for the medical power of attorney for your state and the state where you will attend college (some states are less accepting of other states POAs). Thoughtfully complete the form and name the person you would want making medical decisions for you. My state asked things about life-sustaining measures (machines, feeding tubes, etc.) and what you would want for your final disposition. These are good questions to consider and answer.
I am a parent and my children completed their forms and I keep a copy in my cloud storage. I do know parents who had to provide a POA for their sick/injured children.
You don’t need to give her control over your money or your accounts. I have financial POA over my elderly parents account, but there’s a substantial amount of money, complications, and a lot of accounts, which is unlikely with a college student.
Having a living will, medical proxy, and power of attorney is always a prudent move irrespective of age and a good stop gap up to other legal milestones such as marriage. There are relatively easy online services that provide documents, Trust and Will is one I am familiar with. You can complete these document on your terms and to your satisfaction and ask your mother (or other appointed person named in the docs) to sign and notarize. You can simply decline to countersign the document she came to you with if the terms are not agreeable to you. You have no obligation, legal or otherwise, to sign what she presented you with.
NAL. Don’t sign anything that says you are giving someone the authority to X unless you are okay with them actually doing so. While I am sure the terminology is different depending on where you live It sounds to me like the forms your mom gave you were to become your power of attorney. Now with power of attorney you can give someone a lot of power over your life, and I would not recommend signing one unless there are clauses that denote when/ how it is to become active such as becoming mentally or medically incapacitated. There are all sorts of stories on reddit about people’s lives being ruined because they signed over power of attorney to someone who didn’t have their best interests in heart/ weren’t trustworthy.
Go see a lawyer and take the papers
I don’t need to pile on with a “don’t sign it” reply, but keep in mind that anything you sign can also be revoked.