TL;DR : I’ve been with my boyfriend for two and a half years, and he’s been amazing, but I’ve developed a really strong crush on a coworker recently, which is rare for me. My boyfriend gave me an ultimatum to quit my job, and now I’m completely torn, especially since I’ve regretted leaving a long-term partner for a crush before. I just don’t know if I should stay or risk everything for this new feeling.
I’ve been dating said bf for like 2 1/2 years. I know im about to get so much hate, but the way it messes with my brain actually drives me insane. I’ve had a crush on this guy for 3 months (since I started that job) and I don’t find many guys hot so when I saw this extremely attractive guy I felt like I REALLY wanted him. For the past three months, I’ve managed to ignore it and I avoid looking at him even, but over the past few weeks I have not been able to avoid it anymore. I told my bf last night about this whole thing and he told me I have to quit my job if I want us to work. At first I said I couldn’t do it, then I said I could, and now I’m just going back and forth like I cannot decide anything at all ever. I love this man so much like he’s been there for me thru everything and we’ve gotten thru so much but I don’t know if maybe he would just be better off without me (he also agreed with me about changing my mind and not having kids, which he originally really wanted so I feel like he’s conforming to what I want and I want him to be happy and get what he wants, not make it just about me.
It breaks my heart to think of leaving him but at the same time if I can’t even leave a temporary non career job for him, how is that love? I just need some other opinions. I’ve also broken up with my last long term bf because I had a crush on someone. I ended up regretting it and I nearly died because of it. I’m so scared to regret my decision mainly.
Comments
Crushes are normal. Your level of obsession is not. a crush is a lack of information, a fantasy about all the things that maybe could be. They rarely last once confronted with the reality of the person and the situation.
The grass grows greenest where you water it.
All of us (with the possible exception of the truly asexual) get attracted to people who are not our partners, from time to time. It’s what we do about that, which defines us.
You found a co-worker attractive, and instead of acknowledging that as a biological reality, and then intellectually deciding “but I’m with my boyfriend, so I shouldn’t focus on that”, what you actually did is…you watered the grass where the other guy is standing: you chose to focus your energy on How Much You Wanted Him, instead of on all of the things that you have built with your current relationship.
All of that is a choice. You chose to focus your energy on Hot Guy At Work instead of on Guy I’ve Been With For Years.
Choose differently.
It’s that simple.
Break up with him so he can be with someone who deserves him. Stop ruining his life. If this story is even real.
without thinking about what your bf wants, ask what do you want, and what do you value about your crush, physical attractiveness aside. it could be a trait you have imagined your crush has, but even that might tell you what’s missing from your current relationship. changing jobs is a big step to take, and definitely not the only way of resolving this in a respectful way.