My (34M) husband, and I, (28F) have been married for about 2 years.
I do most of the cooking because I work from home and enjoy itm. Normally it’s not a big deal, but last night really got to me.
I made homemade chicken curry – nothing crazy, just something warm and flavourful with basmati rice and naan. It took about an hour, and I was pretty proud of how it came out.
When I called my husband to eat, he looked at the plate and said “Eh…I’m not really in the mood for this. Could you make something else? maybe a sandwich or just pasta of something?”
I was kind of shocked, and I said no. I told him this isn’t a restaurant, and if he didn’t want curry, he could make something else himself. He rolled his eyes and said, “Wow, okay. You don’t have to be so dramatic.” He ended up not eating anything and later said I was being “passive aggressive” and “hostile “
I told him it hurts my feelings that he just rejected the meal like that after I spent time cooking. He said I was overreacting and that everyone’s allowed to not me in the mood for something sometimes. I’m still kind of upset about it and feel like he was being ungrateful, but he thinks I’m the one being petty for refusing to make something else. So…
Any advice or anything that could give me perspective (because honestly, I’m starting to get fed up with his behaviour)for not making my husband another meal after he rejected the one I cooked?
Am I the bad guy here?
Comments
Technically, you’re not wrong for how you acted. That said, maybe asking what he’s in the mood to eat for dinner might avoid the situation next time. I’m not saying to always cook what he wants, but there might be meals that can split the difference, or you both can at least talk it out beforehand, to avoid the potential argument later.
Oh boy. I wouldn’t cook for him at all if he does that. You could of course sit down and talk to him about it. Be truthful in how it hurts your feelings and you aren’t a short order cook.
You guys could make menu options and go over likes and dislikes again. Or you could be petty and start cooking single servings. Regardless of what you do next that’s ridiculous of your husband to ask that of you.
You’re not the bad guy. You spent time and effort making a nice meal, and it’s normal to feel hurt when it’s rejected like that. It’s also okay to set boundaries and not want to cook a second meal every time. Your husband could have just eaten something else or made his own food instead of expecting you to fix it again. At the same time, it might help to talk calmly about how you both feel, so he understands why you’re upset and you hear his side too. But overall, you’re allowed to expect respect for the effort you put in, and it’s okay to say no when you don’t want to cook twice. Cooking takes a few hours, it can even take half your day so I totally understand how you feel. He should have been more appreciative instead of giving attitude. Go talk to him about it, express how you feel. Hopefully it will help him understand how you feel so he can access his actions. Hope this helps..
I hope this is rage bait because otherwise I am super worried that your perspective is so warped that you could possibly think you’re in the wrong here. Big questions about the rest of your relationship
he is spoiled, tell him he has to make his own meals
Time to get a divorce. He’ll be hitting you in no time.
he can make his own food like a big boy. stop enabling his bad behavior
The second a woman righteously and reasonably complains about her man’s behavior and gets hit with a “don’t be dramatic” I will go full Reddit: Reevaluate your relationship.
I’m glad you stood up for yourself. He’s absolutely right, he’s allowed to not be in the mood for what you made.
Him deciding it’s your job to make the second dinner for him is what makes him a selfish asshole. The absolute audacity to even ask, much less insist, and throw a fit, makes me think his brain stopped maturing in middle school.
he is an able-bodied adult. Setting expectations now will help when you have kids. you are not the bad guy. He sounds a bit manipulative though.
OP, I would confront him about how he disrespected you, and let him know that until he sincerely apologizes to you, he can cook his own meals.
It’s one thing to not be in the mood for something, and that’s OK. He doesn’t have to eat that meal, but knowing that you cooked food for him, then ask you to make him something else? Absolutely not. It gives him taking advantage of you. I wonder if there’s other ways in which this dynamic is reflected in your relationship.
Sure he may not be in the mood for what you prepared but he’s an adult and can either choose to eat it or politely say he wants something else and go make it himself. His behavior sounds like a teenager. Ridiculous! Is this the only time/place where he acts this way? He’s treating you like a servant, not a partner.
The fact that you are asking if you are wrong while you are clearly not is wild to me. I LOVE cooking and I would tell my fiance I am very dissapointed and make him a shitty sandwich if he really wants to, but that is just me. It would take me 2 mins to do so, enjoy ya dinner lol.
But, I can totally understand not wanting to do it and that is so fucking valid!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You don’t have to if you dont feel like it, especially if you already made such a good meal
He can cook his own fucking food like a goddamn adult
not the bad guy. if he wants traditional roles at home then traditionally the woman didnt ask her husband for a dinner order before she cooked it. if he wants to have a say in what you cook then that’s fine just needs to happen before you cook. in all the years my grandparents were married my grandfather would often critique what grandma cooked (mostly playfully) but never had the audacity to ask her to cook something else bc he didnt want that. NEVER. they were married 50 years. He is allowed to want something else sure, but he has legs and arms, and if he wants something else you are perfectly in the right to tell him that he can very capably prepare whatever he wants instead. my mom and dad used to have a menu for the week so everyone knew what dinner was in advance. if youre organized you can take this approach to avoid future issues potentially. my parents did not allow changes to the menu after sunday though, because groceries were purchased and that was it. to each his own.
You know who else acts like your husband? Children. Sounds like his parents never taught him to eat what they make and be grateful!
I would have put the first meal between 2 slices of bread and walked off triumphantly.
Dude if my husband pulled some sht like this I would stop cooking lol wtf ur absolutely correct it’s not a restaurant. Ur hungry u better eat what I cooked. Ur not dramatic or overreacting 🤦🏻♀️
NOR-I don’t think he knows what passive aggressive means. You were firm and direct. You spent a lot of time making food and his response was to decline and ask for something else!
You were completely right to tell him he could make himself a sandwich if he didn’t want the meal you already made. He is ungrateful and spoiled for sure.
Your response was correct: he can make his own food.
In my house we have a rule that you can cook whatever food you want but no one else has to eat it. (I’d have to write up a whole trauma dump to explain why we even have this rule, but it works for us 😊)
Is he over six years old? Does he know where the kitchen is? Then NTA.
Once thing to not want the dinner. Another to ask you to cook AGAIN! Hes a baby in a mans body.
Yes, everyone is allowed to not be in the mood for a specific meal. And everyone is allowed to not make more than one meal at a time! He’s also allowed to make his own dang meal if he doesn’t want to eat what you spent time cooking. Perhaps you should (big eye-rolling suggestion coming) trade off making meals. In our house the rule is “complain today and do it yourself tomorrow”.
He can cook his own food if he does not like what you cook. If he dislikes that food always, then work around it. You were out of line to say that “his rejection hurt”. Its food. You cooked it. He didn’t want it. Move on. ESH
Whenever I receive what I feel is an unreasonable request, I do the following:
Provide the benefit of the doubt.
Assume the request is reasonable.
Make the request back to the requester.
If they deem the request to be unreasonable, agree with them.
In this case, in response to “I’m not really in the mood for this. Could you make something else? maybe a sandwich or just pasta or something?” I would respond “I’m not really in the mood for that. Could you make something else that you’re in the mood for? Maybe a sandwich or just pasta or something?”
Then you let them decide if they want to do their own work or admit that they are asking you to do the work for them.
Separately, I don’t think it makes sense to have your feelings hurt that someone is not in the mood for your food. It’s not really ungrateful, it’s just saying no. At the same time, your husband also had a problem with you saying no (or the way you said no – “this isn’t a restaurant,” which is actually legitimately somewhat passive aggressive vs. just saying no) – your husband shouldn’t have his feelings hurt if you don’t go out of your way to cook him a second meal just because he doesn’t feel like the first meal (being picky).
Overall you’re not the bad guy at all and neither is your husband probably, sounds like he was hungry and you were disappointed about not getting to share something you worked hard on. This can be easily solved with eliminating codependent traits, respecting boundaries, and better communication (possibly talk about what’s for dinner ahead of time if it matters to you to share the same food). Your husband IMO should take the initiative to say “Your food looks awesome, I don’t feel like that right now, I’m going to make pasta instead!” and then you both have a nice night together, but that’s just what I would want from a partner. I think it doesn’t make sense to get upset at each other for preferences not aligning and I think it makes perfect sense to ensure the workload of your lifestyles is distributed evenly – both contributing to cooking if double cooking is necessary.
My advice would be to ignore him and think about all the other aspects in the relationship in which he has been inconsiderate and demeaning. Then seek an individual therapist to talk about your marriage woes and your low self esteem bc why do you feel bad for doing nothing wrong ? You did not overreact, he is in fact ungrateful
I don’t think your husband knows what passive-aggressive means. You were very straight forward in your response to him so no, that’s not PA. He’s a grown ass man and if he doesn’t want to eat what you cooked, he can make his own food. Is he always like this or he was just being a petulant child that day?
Stop cooking for him.
Make him a sandwich? What the fuck? Make your own goddamn sandwich. It’s fine to not be in the mood for what you made that night. But get out of here with making him something else.
How does he treat other women in his life? Do they feel safe around him?
Doesn’t seem like he respects you or your efforts to make tasty food and put love into it.
Advice is to stop cooking for him. Cook for yourself only. Let him know you’re being taken for granted & being called dramatic about it is unacceptable. Determine what kind of apology & penance would make you cook for him again and let him know.
NTB. You ain’t his mother. He sounds capable of fixing something for himself.
Watch me stop cooking dinner. Welp, didn’t know what you’d be in the mood for, so I didn’t cook anything. Feed yourself. He’s a grown man, he can cook for himself.
Stop cooking food for him as you never know what he’s in the mood for….
If he doesn’t want to eat what you made, he can make his own food
You’re not a bad person. If he is in the mood for something particular for dinner he can cook for you next time.
My husband does this from time to time and I tell him fine, make what you want then. I don’t say it in a snarky way or to be mean. I also don’t take his finicky palate to be a criticism of my cooking. Why is it turning into a thing?
I understand that curry (yuck) was not something he was in the mood to eat. In our home, I cook, but occasionally, my wife won’t be in the mood for what I have prepared. I don’t insist she eat what I prepared. That’s why I have a supply of leftover containers. I eat what I want and put the rest in a container. Meanwhile, SHE prepares herself an alternative meal. Everyone’s happy. No argument needed.
Is he doing this in retaliation for something you weren’t in the mood for?
His word choice made me wonder if that was the case?
Tell yes people can not be in the mood for something but they can make their own food if they don’t want it
“There’s cereal in the cupboard.”
I am confused about something. You were cooking for an hour and your husband was in the house for at least part of that time if you simply had to call him into the kitchen.
How did you make your curry odorless?
I’m a husband, and yours is a massive asshole. When someone takes the time to cook you a meal, you say thank you so much and give it a go. If you don’t wind up liking it you handle it with tact (Curry isn’t my favorite, but I wanted to try yours as if anything could make me like it, it would be your cooking, but I guess Curry and I just aren’t meant to be). I literally just pulled that out of my ass.
What a douchebag.
He can make something himself.
I’ve been married over 30 years and there hasn’t been a single meal that my wife has made that haven’t been thankful for.
He called YOU “passive aggressive” and “hostile”?? What an asshole.
You are absolutely right – you aren’t running a restaurant. You spend an hour cooking a nice meal for you to share with your husband. If he had strong feelings about what he wanted/didn’t want, he should have told you long before you started making the meal.
“Everyone’s allowed to not be in the mood for something sometimes” – Sure, you can not be in the mood for something – but when your partner already MADE it for you, you shut up and eat it anyway and thank her for the lovely meal. Because you’re a goddamn adult.
Your husband’s a dick. Tell him I said so.
It’s fine to not like something, maybe even that one day. For those times, we usually have leftovers in the fridge or the person just makes a sandwich for themselves.
He’s a spoiled brat for expecting a second meal be cooked for him. Shut that shit down right now, OP.
Make it yourself or go hungry
I always tell my husband what I’m making and ask how that sounds. On a handful of occasions he’s rejected the proposed dinner– usually because he had a huge lunch that day. I’ll offer to make something lighter.
My mothers second husband was like this, but to the extreme. She made a standing rib roast. He came and said, that’s great honey, but could you just fry me up a couple eggs and bacon? I would have murdered him.
No.
Alexa play Manchild my Sabrina Carpenter
Most guys grow out of such food fussiness as boys. Don’t indulge him.
Is he 5? He can either make his own second meal or go hungry.
Wtaf.
Don’t enable him.
Ask him how he’d feel if he finished painting a room and then you came in and asked him to do it again in another color
If he doesn’t want what you make, he can make his own sandwich or pasta. His arms and legs work, right?
You are not dramatic or passive aggressive. And if you were hostile, I say fair.
Make yourself a second husband because I sure as shit wouldn’t be in the mood for this one anymore.
If I ever said this I would think that would be the last meal I would ever get made for me for the rest of the relationship.
Look its fine for him to not want that but to expect you to make him something else is a bit ridiculous. I make stuff separate for my wife and kids sometimes or just prepare it differently if its something they dont like (mostly our teen 🙄) but its discussed before hand. If my wife cooked dinner and it was something I didnt want I would just make something for myself. Now, if you knowingly made something he doesnt like and didnt make, or offer to make, him something different then I can see where he’d be annoyed about it. But it sounds like this is something he usually likes but just wasnt in the mood for. At that point its on him to make something else. I guess theres not really anything wrong with him asking if you would mind making him something else, but to react that way when you say no is childish. I didnt read a lot of comments on here but its reddit so I assume there were a lot of comments telling you to stop making food for him or probably some even saying to divorce him. Reddit tends to go straight to “get a divorce” rather than “talk about it and work through your shit”. I dont think just telling him to make his own food from now on would be the best way to go about it since it also sounds like this is the first time this has happened. Maybe try talking about what you guys want for dinner before hand so you can avoid this ever even being an issue. But bottom line, no you arent overreacting. Yes, he acted childish and a bit selfish/ungrateful.
My husband and I both cook. Do we always feel like eating what the other made? Nope but we go ahead make ourselves something we are in the mood for. We would never expect the person already cooking to make more.
Your husband sucks. Sorry but that’s not acceptable. Let him cook for a bit until he apologizes. It doesn’t matter how he feels. He should use his empathy to understand he hurt your feelings and he should apologize and want to improve.
Nope. He can starve. I can’t imagine my amazing husband of 35 years ever telling me that. I cook and he cleans and does laundry. We are a team with immense respect for one another. I’d be kicking him to the curb with that attitude and gaslighting.
He went to bed hungry rather than make himself a sandwich but you’re being dramatic. Yikes.
Advice? “This is what I made. If you don’t want to eat it, don’t. But you are a grown man and I am not your mother, so you can make something more to your liking yourself. Cooking is a life skill, not a gender role.”
My husband complained about my cooking after only a couple of months of marriage. So I stopped. About 10 years later, he said “do you remember when I said your cooking wasn’t great? I think I made a tactical error.” (We were both in the Army so tactical errors have a special meaning). I laughed and asked him if he wanted to complain about the laundry. He never complained about anything else unless he wanted to do it himself. So no, NTA.
It’s fine if he’s not in the mood to eat it. I can see how that would still be hurtful after the time you put into it, but one of the (only?) blessings of adulthood is we don’t have to eat things we don’t want.
What is NOT fine is the fact that he expected YOU to solve HIS problem and make another meal. It makes it sound like it’s your job to cook, that you work for him, etc. And it’s not limited to this instance–it reveals an ingratitude for the cooking you do every day!
Some people don’t like curry. After your effort he could have at least tried it. That sometimes works with little kids.
Give him grace, but he can do better. That is unkind.
That would probably be the last dinner I made for a very long time. He is being *extremely* entitled and then defensive when confronted with how unreasonable he is being.
You were also not being passive-aggressive – I doubt he understands the term. Nor were you hostile. You were offended, rightly so, by his behavior.
As a man who knows and enjoys how to cook and knows the labor of love that’s put into it, make him cook his own shit.
Maybe he should’ve communicated that before the meal was ready like an adult
Sounds like he doesn’t like curry he let know in a polite way will make for a good laugh down the road.
you are married to a man who cannot make a sandwich? This is a serious problem
Is your husband 5 years old? I think 6 is the age when this behavior stops being socially acceptable.
Not the bad guy. I’m not always in the mood to eat what my husband makes for dinner. Guess what I do? Make something else. All by myself.
I have NEVER asked him to make a second dinner for me.
You husband is super entitled!
“No, but you can.” Smile and walk away.
Are his hands broken or what?
Bro asked you to cook something else?? My 4 year old does this…. That should give you all the information you need
I do 100% of the cooking. I’m a really good cook too. I told my husband that if he doesn’t want what I make it’s fine and I won’t get upset. He can get takeout or make a peanut butter sandwich. But I will not be making him an alternative meal. No way.
My mother told me a long time ago you eat what’s on your plate or make yourself a sandwich. Period.
He didn’t eat what you cooked and went on a hunger strike because you wouldn’t cook him something else, but YOU’RE passive-aggressive?
LOL
What a fucking baby lol
He can cook his damn self! I would not cater to his BS
He is spoiled and it is good you stood your ground. He should be happy that he got a home cooked meal. I have been married for 30 years and I eat whatever my wife cooks and am very grateful. She will ask me a lot of times what I want but will eat whatever she cooks. I would never tell my wife that I was not in the mood to eat something she prepared. Even if I didn’t like it, I would still eat it. I manage all house hold finances, savings and investments and my wife manages the house. We live off a single income but always support each other.
Over 30 years married and that has never happened to me. And it’s not because I am some amazing cook. It’s that my husband was raised right and no man would do that. A princess pulls that crap. I don’t want it…. Make me something else. What is he??? 4? Good god. Tell him to F the F off. Edit to say, his move was not about the meal. It was a power move to put you in your place. Be prepared to be shoved next until he works up the courage to hit you.
Sounds like an asshole. He can make his own fucking dinner if he doesn’t want curry.
He has decided your act of kindness is now his entitlement. He’s decided you are now responsible for feeding him whatever he prefers. You are now his mommy. Ew. Stop cooking until he learns it’s never been and never will be his right, he should always treat it like a favour and not something he’s owed.
He can make his own food if he doesn’t want what you made.
He’s wrong. Your perspective is perfectly accurate. He needs to wake up and apologize. Good for you not making “dinner 2”. Seriously, he needs to grow up.
Oh honey he’s the one being dramatic; saying he’s “not in the mood” for curry and then he literally rolled his eyes at you, he just explained to you his very own reaction. What an ungrateful response. I love curries, and I’d eat it in a heartbeat if someone made it for me. Especially from scratch.
But he’s not living with mommy and he’s a big boy now! He can make his own food if he l’s not in the mood for what you made. Even my 15 yo knows that if he doesn’t want what I made for dinner, he can decline and make himself something from the kitchen.
“Wow ok you don’t have to be so dramatic”
And you don’t have to be so ungrateful
Just because he “wasn’t in the mood for it” doesn’t give him an excuse to be rude or ungrateful.
There are so many times in my life where I was not in the mood to eat, what my mom cooked but I did it anyway. Cause that’s what you do when people cook for you. Have gratitude and shit the fuck up.
If aomeone is feeling truly unwell and their stomach can’t tolerate an overly flavorful meal in that moment I can understand politely opting out, but just randomly demanding you make him something additional because he’s not in the mood for your labor intensive dish is entitled and disrespectful.
You’re not the bad guy (gal) in this situation. I can see why it hurt your feelings as you are doing something nice and making a nice meal for him (which sounds delicious by the way). But as a guy I also understand what its like to “not be in the mood for a certain food” depending on how I am feeling in the moment. I think he could have handled it better or at least in a nicer way. In turn, his response could have garnered some passive-aggressive hostility from you even if you weren’t aware of it because hey let’s be real, he hurt your feelings so its natural to respond that way. Of course I wasn’t there and he could have been exaggerating as a response to the tension.
I’ve (M51) had this discussion with my wife (F43) many times before. She usually informs me that she wants to cook “X” for dinner and I will tell her if I am in the mood. If not maybe she will adjust and we’ll come to an agreement. Sometimes she will still cook it anyway if its what SHE is craving and I’m okay with that. Most of the time I come around and decide I want it too but at least I know what was coming and if I don’t want to eat that, its on me not her.
That’s not passive agressive at all. That’s direct. He is being a big baby about this.
NTA. I’m Asian and my husband is caucasian, there are dishes I make that he doesn’t like. He apologizes when he doesn’t like. Sometimes he would ask if there is something else if none, he would order and even ask if I want something else.
Ahahahah, I am a man and I will not make something else for my family.
I am the one who cooks all the time too.
Dont enable this behavior. Even a little child doesn’t het this option. So why would he?
He’s an adult, he can make his own pasta.
WTAF. We never did this even with our kids – they either ate what they were given or they got their own thing. If the other half cooks then I eat it, and vice versa. We do have a discussion about what gets cooked most days, but sometimes neither of us cares so it’s just whatever it is.
I cannot imagine having the audacity to say something like this to her after she’s cooked a meal. If I didn’t want that then I’d either just suck it up and eat it anyway, or deal with it myself. Not on someone else to cater to my every whim.
You could have easily made him a sandwich though.
‘Here, chicken curry sandwich in a naan’.
He just wanted some crispy nuggies and a choccy milk!!
YTA.
He’s gonna need a nap now and 5 hours of iPad to cool down before you can apologize for making him angry with you
>!/s lmao. Hell nah.!<
I’m a 70 year old single male (carpenter) and I think he is taking the piss. I have had to make all my meals all my life and to make such a demand is contemptuous. Tell him if he wants to make such demands perhaps he should hire a house keeper then he may make all the demands he likes. You are not a slave but a partner.
I’m never in the mood for curry. Those near and dear to me know this. Your husband should have made his own sandwich though.
What a fucking prick. I help my wife cook. Sometime one or the other just takes it on but then the rule is the cook doesn’t clean. It’s supposed to be a partnership. You’re not his chef or his maid or his mother. I would stop cooking for him at all, let the big man take care of his big self. Then to gaslight you about you being the problem? Fuck this absolute man child. I would bet money he also doesn’t clean, or do laundry etc. time to grow up kiddo.
Husband with 35 years of experience here
When my wife makes me dinner, I am grateful for what she made me, and that’s my dinner
When I make my wife dinner, she is grateful for what I made her, and that’s her dinner
If I’m not in the mood for what she made,, I apply rule #1
If she’s not in the mood for what I made, she applies rule #2
Just say “I made this for you. I find it hurtful that you are nlt grateful for what I cooked for you”.
Making him something else, or yelling him to make it himself allows him to think it’s ok nlt to be grateful. It’s not.
What a child he is. An actual adult would either enjoy the food, or nicely let you know they can’t eat curry, apologize for being picky, and make their own sandwich. They would also cook dinner then next night to be sure you felt appreciated for all your hard work.
Maybe you’re not in the mood to cook for a while?
Stock up on easy meals you like. Make a single serving. Like a quesadilla or a can of soup. He can learn some respect in the meantime
You’re obviously in the right here. If he didn’t want curry, he could have asked beforehand what you were making and suggested an alternative or cooked it himself
When you’re not in the mood for sex how does he react?
Hurt feelings or not, he’s an adult. If he can’t say thank you for a meal you made for him, he can make his own.
Classic weaponized incompetence. The man can make his own damned food. He has zero excuse.
But also: you need to stick up for yourself. This level of immaturity from him is not ok. My 8 year old can make himself a sandwich. Your husband is infantile. This kind of dynamic is not healthy. If it were me? I’d tell him you’re not cooking for him until he learns to cook for you. Until that point, it’s off the table.
So yeh he’s an actual child for this bs BUT how tf are a married couple not discussing dinner ? Especially when he’s in the house ? Honestly if you guys can’t communicate over something as trivial as dinner your gonna have much bigger problems
Kraft singles, a loaf of bread, and a bag of chips. Here Fucker…
I live with my boyfriend of 2 years and he cooks most dinners for the both of us because he works from home, we talk about dinners for the week and if he wants to make a dinner i don’t particularly like i will make myself something i do like. i’m 24 btw. and i don’t make my boyfriend feel bad for making something i’m not in the mood for because that’s not his problem, he needs to eat too. a sandwich and pasta are the easiest things to make and he could have done it himself. what a sad excuse.
This isn’t about the dinner. It’s about remembering to be empathetic, careful considerate choices of words, and knowing when to let things fly by. You made your point. He’ll internalize it and be better next time.
>He ended up not eating anything and later said I was being “passive aggressive” and “hostile “
LOL no, you were not being passive aggressive, he was by refusing to eat and then calling you “hostile.”
You’re not a short order cook. If he wants a sandwich he can make one.
I told my husband to sit and help write out a weeks menu , specially fave dishes.
You did everything right. If he doesn’t want to eat what you cook.him fine but it’s up to him to make his own food .
The only thing he should have said was “thank you sweetheart for making me dinner. I’ll clean up”. Then you both can have a conversation about likes and dislikes.
Since he’s a little boy I’m gonna tell you what I said to my kids when they pulled this kind of stuff on my wife. You will sit down at the table and try what is served. If you’d like something else, you can make yourself a sandwich afterward.
My 13 year old will make her own meal if she doesn’t want what we want. He can grow up and be an adult..
“everyone’s allowed to not me in the mood for something sometimes.”
This is true. But dealing with that feeling by saying “Cook me something else”, is inexcusable. That is what a spoiled rotten child says.
The correct ways to deal with the feeling is to say “Sorry, sweetie, it looks utterfly wonderful but my stomach won’t handle anything spicy right now, I’ll just get myself a sandwich so we can have a nice dinner.”.
NTA. He should have thanked you for cooking before he said he wasn’t in the mood for curry then he could go and make himself a sandwich.
There’s no way he didnt smell it cooking or know what was gonna be on the table.
If he wanted something specific he could have asked ahead and saod something like Hey honey i have a massive craving… can we have X tonight? and there wouldnt be an issue
lol your husband sounds like a BRAT.
How come he can be “not in the mood” to eat the dinner you made, but you are not allowed to “not be in the mood” to make a second dinner !!!??
You took the time and effort to make supper, you didn’t have to, but you did out of the kindness of your heart. He can eat it and be bloody grateful, whether or not he’s in the “mood” for it. I bet he grew up in a house where his mum was treated like a line cook and her sweet baby boy got whatever his spoiled heart desired. Do not feel bad, you did nothing wrong.
What if the tables were turned? My husband does almost all the cooking and I am SO grateful. If I don’t like somethingI eat what I can and figure it out. I always say thank you. Your husband needs to act like an adult and be more grateful.
Perhaps , another way to prevent this happening would be for both of you to discuss what each of you would like to eat. We all have good days and bad days – take it easy and think of it as team effort
I wouldn’t just not cook another meal that night, I wouldn’t even consider cooking for him again PERIOD until he apologised one hundred times and explained his ridiculous, ungrateful, childish behaviour.
Oh. My. God. I would tell him it’s a good thing that he understands so clearly that “that everyone’s allowed to not me in the mood for something sometimes” because it was going to be a loooooooooong time before I was in the mood for him. FFS
Your post has been removed as it was in Violation of Rule 8: No Reassurance, Validation, or Affirmation Seeking.
This action was performed by a HUMAN moderator. NOT a bot. Do not resubmit your post or message the moderators until you have read this entire message. Yes, the whole thing.
8. No reassurance, validation, or affirmation seeking
This subreddit is for advice. NOT moral judgement, validation, or to affirm your opinions/feelings or settle arguments.
Examples of what this means:
Who is right or wrong here?
Am I in the wrong?
Am I…
…the asshole? There is a whole subreddit just for that. This subreddit is not an overflow or a backup for r/AmITheAsshole. Do not crosspost from there, nor include any of the AITA abbreviations anywhere in your post.
…a bad person/friend/partner/etc?
…crazy / overreacting / being unreasonable
…overthinking / being paranoid?
…justified in feeling this way?
Do I have a right to be upset?
Are my feelings valid?
Was this ok / should I have done this?
Did I do the right thing?
Will I be OK?
Will I get in trouble for this?
Should I be worried?
And many more. This is not an all-inclusive list, and we will remove posts at our own discretion.
Tip: If you are asking about something that already happened, and it can be answered “yes” or “no”, you are seeking reassurance, not advice!
Effect anxiety has on guilt:
https://exploringyourmind.com/feelings-of-guilt-and-their-connection-to-anxiety
Please review the rules, and if you feel as though removal is excessive or in error, feel free to contact the moderators.
He can make his own dinner. Your husband knows how to make a woman dry. Good luck with everything.