My (43m) wife (40f) has been having trouble sleeping, and often gets up out of our bed in the middle of the night to read and sleep on the couch with the tv on in the background.
On Sunday night around 2am I went to get some water in the kitchen, and she was on the couch. She didn’t hear me coming and I could see that she was “taking care” of herself (one hand in her tank top and one hand in her shorts). She was facing away from me so she didn’t see me coming. I let her be.
I mentioned in the morning that I was sorry I almost interrupted her and that I hope she knows that if she needs “help” I am always there. She said it was not a big deal, of course she knows I’m there for her but she just needed a quick one to be able to fall asleep.
I playfully asked what was on her phone (I could see she was watching something but couldn’t see what). She laughed it off and said “you don’t want to know.”
The thing is, I do want to know! I want to follow up but I don’t want to be nosy.
Should I drop it?
Comments
Yes, you should drop it.
Dude, let her have her private time. BTW it’s good she’s comfy doin’ her thang around you, that’s like major trust vibes right there. Pushin’ for more might just make her feel awkward or under pressure. If she wants you in on it, she’ll tell ya. Live n’ let live bro, let sleeping dogs lie n’ all that jazz. This ain’t about curiosity, it’s about respect. Chill out, move along, and keep being the supportive husband you seem to be.
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I’d suggest leaving it be, there is a very good chance she may not feel comfortable discussing her “solo-time” inspo with anyone as it can be a rather private matter to some people. It may cause her to feel embarrassed or ashamed if she is one of these types of people and ultimately achieve little more other than satisfying your curiosity.
Not to say it’s a bad thing to be curious, I’m nosy af so I get that. I think it just likely isn’t worth pushing the matter further at this point.
I disagree with the “none of your business” crowd, IF you are prepared to know what it is no matter ehat it might be and can open to it. Getting my wife to open up about what gets her off and being open to me was a hugely positive seachange in our relationship.
If it’s generic porn, no big. If it’s someone from work…..
This could a chance for your wife to be vulnerable with you and for you to be cool and supportive. It’s an opportunity to be closer.
I have an incredible amount of emotional damage and my immediate thought was that she was sexting with somebody. However, I watch NSFW stuff on reddit or read romance novels with great sex scenes as my material. If you don’t ask her, you might question her and resentment can grow. I’d ask her for your own peace of mind.
If you’re satisfied with what the two of you do together, I would leave it be. She gets to have her own sometimes and so do you. Also, just because a given fantasy helps, doesn’t mean a person wants it for real. Some fantasies are best left in Fantasyland.
That said. If there’s any dissatisfaction with what you do together, like, if this is happening to the exclusion of doing things together, a conversation may be in order.
Drop it. When she’s ready she’ll tell you
Definitely do not ask for more info. She gave you the answer she gave you. If she wanted to give you more, she would have. We all get to have boundaries around our sexuality, even with our partners. We women don’t always want or need another person to get our sexual needs met.
You may really not want to know what if the only thing she watches is something that you would really dislike even thinking about? Or has nothing to do with men would it mess with your self esteem?(it wouldn’t everyone but it could really mess with some peoples heads) If she says you don’t want to know it means one of two things your wife who knows you really well knows you actually don’t want to know, or she’s not comfortable sharing it with you for whatever reason. Ether way I wouldn’t push the subject you may find out something you actually didn’t want to know or you may just mess with her mental health by pressing the issue when she’s not comfortable. You could just casually drop that your interested & if she feels comfortable sharing you’d like to know(although I recommend just not bringing it up again) if she says no or any variation of no again I’d drop it for good before it could possibly cause any kind of problem in your marriage.
I wake up and leave bed too. I’m a little older but… Just saying. I’ve never touched myself but I’ve done the reading and tv in the background or play games on my phone.
Drop it. People are allowed to have alone time.
Personally, coming from a female perspective. I would want my person to tell me they want to know so they can continue to please me and open that line of communication. Maybe reassure her that you aren’t mad she is watching it but it would open a great conversation to what she needs! I vote go for it! If your intentions is pure and you want to know, then why not!
I once got in my husbands car, and his phone was still hooked up to Bluetooth and it popped up in the “media” a pornhub video. I casually made a joke about it later and completely dropped it. Because who cares if he’s watching porn to help himself sometimes? That’s just my opinion. Sometimes I’m glad he doesn’t always wake me up in the middle of the night. He has every right to handle his business and we can be intimate another time.
My husband and I are very big on individuality. Yes we are married, have a kid, and live our lives together. But we are two individual people choosing to intertwine our lives. Not two individuals who decided to become one.