Trying to explain anything to ‘normal’ people is EXHAUSTING

Every time someone asks me about a personal failing of mine, aka not knowing much of my native language or about my culture, why I can’t cook that well, why I seem to have not many useful skills; I either need to lie and pretend I’m lazy or any other excuse and have them judge me based on that, or I tell the truth and then risk them distancing themselves or telling me it’s not a big deal or that maybe my parents see things differently.

I know if they leave me based on just them figuring out a slight amount of my trauma and life then they’re not the right person for me to pursue as a friend, but it’s so demoralising when it happens over and over again. Especially in UK culture, where everyone already seems hostile and shallow (living in a majority conservative city and I’m openly LGBT) interacting with others and there’s a big ‘don’t ask, don’t tell, mind your own business’ attitude. You’re only allowed an ounce of opening up to someone if you’re both drunk.

I have a therapist now so I can talk to them about my issues, but the fact that I can’t even answer the question ‘what’s going on with you lately?’ Without lying, cos I’m stuck in a cycle of depression and anxiety due to my ndad… I can’t even have a surface level convo anymore. I don’t want to have to keep lying. It’s like I’m not allowed to exist authentically and it kills me. I’m not talking about trauma dumping either, just a vague ‘my dad’s a narcissist and his behaviour and consequences get me down, plus his neglect has affected my abilities and knowledge so that’s why I can’t do that thing that’s easy to you. Unless you want to know more, don’t ask me more about that stuff and don’t continue egging me on when I don’t want to answer.’ Even that makes people react weirdly. Is no one, ever, allowed to struggle in that moment for an indefinite amount of time and just exist without people prying further to get the real answer that they don’t even fucking want to hear if it’s hinted at being slightly bad?

Also I’m probably autistic so it doesn’t help. Inauthenticity kills me, conversations that I thought are normal are too much for some, I act weird and I look weird when I’m just trying to be myself. Keep going back on forth as to whether I’m the problem or just the general attitude of how people are treated when they’re honest is the problem. Idfk. I can’t find a way to converse properly or make friends when I’m in this situation. I can barely get a job, but once I do I’m gtfo.