I know people have very different experiences of pregnancy and birth, especially with regards to how some doctors or other providers/staff treat women in medical situations.
For those women who have gone through birth in general or C-section in particular, is there anything you wish your partner had done differently or better or known about prior to that experience?
And what about in the days afterward or during recovery over the following weeks?
What would you make standard-issue if you were to design a “How To Be A Good Partner” guide, and what would you add as bonus tips or above-and-beyond ideas?
Did you (if you’ve given birth) or your partner (or if you yourself are the partner) have to do anything specific during birth/C-section in terms of advocating or pushing back against medical staff? Were the doctors receptive? How did it work out?
Comments
I think my partner did a good job, but two things I’d have liked were a) just ensuring I always had food and water without me having to ask, I’m very independent and hated being so helpless so I just wouldn’t ask and then suffer and b) I had a breech baby so we knew it was going to be a c-section ahead of time and I got a lot of “reassurance” that felt very dismissive. Like “hey if they don’t flip and you have to have a c-section, that’s ok too”. Umm sure, very easy for you to say, you’re not being cut in half while wide awake.
That being said, as scared as I was I recovered very well and have no lingering issues to speak of. I highly recommend postpartum physiotherapy as soon as possible after six weeks with a provider who explicitly offers c-section rehab and scar massage.
My husband hates hospitals. The nurses, the vibes, everything. So he found any excuse to not be there. My in laws kept wheeling through night and day asking where he was. I just wish he was there to entertain them and just be more present overall.
I’ve had three c-sections, and while I learned a TON of little tricks each time to help myself, none of them fall into the category of things I wish my partner had done differently. It was all things I did on my own.
I wish my partner would humor me and get up at night to feed the baby even when he thought the baby wasn’t hungry.
I was given strong allergy meds during 1 of my 3 c sections, so I wasn’t allowed to breastfeed for the first 24 hours. These meds made me so out of it, I couldn’t stay awake for 5 minutes the first 12-24 hours. Midwives/pelvic floor therapist came to talk to me and I had to ask my SO to take over the conversation and take notes of the info they were giving, because I was literally unable to stay awake for 1 conversation due to the allergy meds.
So because of that the baby was formula fed the first 24 hours. Baby was crying in the first night and I tried to get my SO to feed the baby, but my SO judged and decided that he already fed him not long ago, so he didn’t wanna get out of his bed to feed the baby. He didn’t tell me any of this, he judged and decided all this silently, so I thought he’s just refusing to get out of bed for no reason. I was unable to get out of bed myself, feeling out of it due to the meds, birth hormones raging, so him refusing to get out of bed made me cry hysterically, I called the nurses so they would feed the baby. That night is a giant black mark on my history with my SO.
I wish my SO wasn’t so goddamn difficult to wake up. He literally does not wake up from noise. I screamed at the top of my lungs in the night at him to wake him up and he just kept snoring. Because his bed is so far away from mine in the hospital room, I always had to toss pillows, blankets, towels, tissue boxes, whatever else I had handy, at him when I needed his assistance at night.
At my first c section they fumbled the epidural 3 times, and for the 4th time called the professor to finally do it (teaching hospital). So at my second c section I didn’t have the balls to ask for an experienced doctor for my epidural. But at my third c section I finally gathered the courage and right outside the operating room verbally asked for an experienced doctor for the epidural. They just went like “ofc ofc”, and didn’t call anyone special, so it was a young-looking guy again who was already present in the OR. Gave me a lot of anxiety, but he did fine from the 1st try.
I would say giving me frequent breaks to nap. You need to be available 24/7 if you’re nursing so scheduled sleep isn’t really a thing. The hormones meant I could fall asleep anywhere pretty much immediately. If someone can watch baby so you can sleep, that’s so important.
Also, making sure you have nutritious, high protein food and tons of water available within arms reach (I also recommend a snack caddy to keep at your bedside.
Bonus: hormones make you insanely hot all the time in the first few weeks. An around-the-neck fan was a game changer!
My husband was pretty perfect. He handled every single thing around the house so I only had to handle the baby. He made sure I had anything and everything I wanted or needed. He took the baby when he could so I could sleep.
I didn’t need any advocating because my c section was planned and went perfectly and I had researched it well and knew what to expect. A couple of times they took our baby to the warmer and he went with the baby
The only thing I can think of is that I didn’t realize the drugs from the c section would make me soooo hot and no one told me that it was me that was hot and not the room so I turned the thermostat to like 56 degrees and no one said a word to me about it being ice cold even when they took the baby to the warmer and wrapped him in hundreds of blankets so if we were to do it again I’d want him to tell me that it was just me and get me a fan to help me cool down rather than turning the room into an ice chest
My husband can’t screw with his sleep schedule. It will trigger his bipolar, and while he’s pretty decently managed on his meds, it’s still a risk and could go sideways. So that meant I was solo between 9pm and 7am. Oh and he was working, no paternity leave. He worked 8-5, so I was solo then too. I wish either/both of us had known about night nurses. Even just a night or two a week would have been super helpful when combined with the weekends where he’d take the kids as soon as he was awake.
To prepare, my husband and I took a private birth class (our province offers a free one, but we were doing a home birth and this one was a lot more about being a good patient) and it really helped us establish our foundation.
Second, our really close friend, who is a doula, was there throughout everything. She helped him help me. And he was a rock. There’s so many pictures of him just holding me through contractions and providing counter pressure on my hips. I’m hard labour and pushing, he was giving me water and electrolytes between contractions.
Finally, after baby, he was an absolute rockstar. I CANNOT stay awake when I’m tired. Like, physically incapable. I get nauseous, and I just crash. He was ALWAYS the first to wake up when baby stirred, and then would wake me if she needed to be fed, and then he’d change her, swaddle her and rock her back to sleep while I passed the hell out.
Literally set the bar.
This is kind of a depressing first take, rather than “ways your partner did support you“ mine drove like a bomber pilot, because turning corners and stuff in the car, jostled my stomach.
Mind figured out how to put a chair beside the bed that it’s back to me so I could use it to blow myself up with my arms, since my stomach muscles wouldn’t let me sit up by myself.
My apologize for making me laugh because when I laughed, hurt my in
Mine took care of food and errands.
Mine brought me the baby to nurse, so I didn’t have to hold onto both my stomach and the baby as I was hobbling over to the nursing chair.
Mine was adaptable and listened to me say what kind of logistical help would be useful, because I was discovering what I needed as I went along.
And mine went to the other room and let me have my hysterical outburst myself right about day four on both deliveries because that is when my hormones just turned me into a mess. And he said “I love you. You’ll be fine in a day, I’m going to go in the other room, so you can’t yell at me“
I had a c-section and I feel like my husband was pretty great. I slept in my recliner for a week after I got home from the hospital. My husband would sleep on my side of the bed next to the bassinet. When the baby woke up he would change her and bring her to me so I could feed her. We also supplemented with formula and he fed her any bottles we gave her. He changed all of the diapers in the hospital and majority when we got home until I was feeling better about moving around. He would make food and bring it to me and always kept my water full. When I felt overwhelmed or emotional in general regarding our situation he was really supportive.
He stayed on me about taking my pain meds and rested. I hate meds and I hate rested. I came home about five days before our daughter was released from the nicu and I was trying to do so much because she was early and we weren’t ready. (I had built in two weeks of preparation because she was suppose to be a scheduled c-section). He literally forced me to stick to my meds schedule and to relax. He also made sure I ate so I could pump milk too
I have a lot of health anxiety and I wish my partner would have asked if I wanted to talk about what I went through after an urgent c-section. I wish he would have told me how brave and amazing I was after. I wish he would have filled my water cup and cuddled me while I rested. I wish he would have layed in bed with me and discussed my favorite podcasts. I wish he would have cooked more for me. I wish he had given me more credit for the sacrifice I went through.
I didn’t have a c section, but I would gladly let my partner be an example
Next to that, he took 4 months paternity leave and he’ll also work less than me once I start working again, but that’s only viable for the non-Americans I suppose.
But yeah. He did literally everything right.