And before you say “that’s just depression speaking” or something like that, I’m very much aware of it—and I’d go as far as to say it’s what confirms the idea for me.
Some context: I’m 25 and shes 23. We dated for 3 years, but we’ve known each other since we were teens. We’ve both been the two depressed, self-destructive idiots trying to get better. She did. I didn’t. I’m still swallowing pills, failing to get anywhere with therapy despite changing therapists numerous times and trying out several medications, and just wallowing in the fact that this is just how things are supposed to be for me and accepting it whole.
I love her very much, and she loves me too. She often tells her friends how I’m better than anyone she’s dated before and is proud of that. Things are generally going well. We talk often, we vibe no matter what topic we end up on, and we share a lot of games and music, so even on slow days, we always have something to do.
So the question naturally comes up:
“Why would you want to push away someone who absolutely loves you, who’s a genuinely good and beautiful person, and who you’re on good terms with and get along with?”
And the answer is: I just feel like she’s outgrown me, and that I’m holding her back.
I’ve slowly lost almost all my friendships, my education is becoming more and more of a mess, and I’m just on more meds. She, on the other hand, got her dream job, made new friends who’ve stuck around and seem to adore her, and things are going great for her.
We do communicate quite a bit, and she’s insisted she’ll be there to support me and that she wants to do it, but… what if that’s what makes it worse for her in the long run, you know? I’d rather be someone she remembers fondly than someone she grew to hate out of how draining I may end up being.
This post is half rant, half question, I suppose. I apologize for the mess, and thank you in advance if you’ve read this wall of text and decided to respond.
Rules say a TLDR at the bottom is necessary so here is one: I’m trying to distance myself from a beloved person out of love even if it’s not perceived that way
Comments
It’s quite arrogant to make decisions like this for other people as if they do not know what they want.
If you feel like such a loser, then it’s time to just actually put in the work to get on her level. If it’s been years with no progress,that indicates you’re not truly looking to recover.
Dont wallow like a child. Do it. One step at a time. Pick one small thing you want to change, and give yourself a timeframe and steps to get there. Then go onto the next until there’s nothing left you think needs changing. Obviously, job hunting is hard, and you can’t always get the “dream job,” but you can stop pitying yourself.
>So the question naturally comes up: “Why would you want to push away someone who absolutely loves you, who’s a genuinely good and beautiful person, and who you’re on good terms with and get along with?”
>And the answer is: I just feel like she’s outgrown me, and that I’m holding her back.
That’s a whole lot of arrogance thinking you’re the main character in her story. Isn’t she entitled to make up her own mind on that? Isn’t she responsible for her own success or lack there of? She’s to “blame” for her triumphs and failures, right? You don’t get to say you are the cause for her failures, that’s not how personal responsibility works.
Plenty of people have intentionally sabotaged relationships for a variety of stupid reasons. You are clearly trying to join that idiot group. If you want to end the relationship go ahead, you’re entitled to be friends or not be friends with whoever you want for any reason you want, just don’t try to spin it as some noble bullshit you are doing to help the other person because that is just dishonest.