my boyfriend 20M and I 20F have been together for a year. He gets very energetic sometimes and likes to play fight. The thing that is making me really uncomfortable is how he will try to make me flinch or pretend to throw something at me to make me flinch. An example is yesterday i bought him a bunch of gifts because he told me he was feeling really burnt out and stressed and i wanted to help him feel better. 10 minutes later he was showing me his new golf balls and then pretended to chuck one at my face and it made me flinch really hard. i felt so sad after. I’ve told him so many times to stop making me flinch because it’s stressful and anxiety inducing. he’s gotten better but then sometimes he will just randomly do it. maybe he is just joking and doesn’t mean harm but idk. Do you think I should try to fix this or break up with him?
TL;DR; he was showing me his new golf balls and then pretended to chuck one at my face and it made me flinch really hard. i felt so sad after. I’ve told him so many times to stop making me flinch because it’s stressful and anxiety inducing. he’s gotten better but then sometimes he will just randomly do it.
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He’s not play-fighting.
He’s testing boundaries.
Play is only play if everyone involved is enjoying it.
You’ve told him that you don’t like it, and he continues doing it anyway. Which means that how you feel about it doesn’t matter enough to him for him to choose to stop.
Why would you want to be with someone who wants to see you flinch away from him in fear?
What is it about a guy who wants to see you cower from him, wants the power of seeing you cower, that makes you think to yourself “Boy, this one is a keeper“?
You cannot fix a person’s nature.
Ask yourself whether a person who wants to see you cower in fear is a person you want to be with.
That’s your answer.
If you’ve talked about it a bunch of times and he’s still doing it, that means that he values his ability to make you flinch (which is not especially amusing or enriching) over your desire to feel safe in your home and your relationship. That’s a bad sign, and indicates that he does not have an adequate amount of respect to be a good partner to you.
He obviously doesn’t care about your feelings or what you want. You’ve been very clear that being put in fear of bodily harm is unpleasant to you (no fucking shit, no one likes that) and he doesn’t care; getting to see you in fear matters more to him than your feelings. He’s probably not going to change; if he was going to, he’d have done it one of the first few times you told him that you don’t like it. Deal with it or leave. (Please choose to leave.)
Nah girl he’s physically abusive. One day he won’t just make you flinch, he is going to beat you up or kill you. Don’t underestimate this.
To be honest this is the kind of dumb stuff guys do with each other, he might not have realized how scary it is for you. Be clear how much it affects you and that if he keeps going you will leave.
Sounds like he’s sizing you up
The point of this story- is not what he’s doing, it’s why. You have told him you don’t like something and he continues to do it. Maybe you need to be harsher on standing your ground and let him know how much it affects/bothers you. My ex used to do this type of stupid stuff all the time even after I told him I didn’t like it. My boyfriend today would never continue to do something if i explained i didn’t like it. And that means the world to me. It’s all about respect and boundaries. Ask yourself if you feel respected by him and if the answer is not really, you need to let him know to give him a chance to work on it further or eventually you will end up leaving him.