Had a best friend. Literally the bestest of best—we were inseparable when we first met each other in college. This was 2 years ago.
But we’ve drifted apart. I stopped replying to her texts, she stops supporting me in public and soon enough we never even acknowledge each other in class anymore.
Thing is—she was my only friend. The reason why we drifted apart is because she suddenly associates herself with a lot of cool people, and I’m just—not. So it felt hard to keep up and I just drifted away because I felt like I was humiliating myself trying to fit in when I so obviously don’t, and we’ve never spoken since.
Because what happened was—I sorta did a big fuck up—basically, I ditched her and her Cool New Friend Group when they needed me because I just couldn’t stand being with them anymore, and yeah—I fucked up. I did them wrong. I have apologized but. I still wish our drifitng off was a cleaner break.
This was a year ago. And we’re going to be graduating in a few months. So—I don’t know. I feel like texting her to clear the air. Or something. I don’t know. But at the same time, I kind of doubt she would want to patch things up with me. Like, I doubt she needs me in her life.
I’m a loser ever since we parted ways. I literally have no friends and I doubt anyone in class likes me—not after doing that big fuck up. Because words spread and yeah—I basically spent the latter half of my college years as a social pariah.
But anyways a part of me still feels—wrong? about how we left things off? I kind of want to see if we can be friends…ish again. But another part of me thinks she probably doesn’t want to associate w a loser like me anymore.
But—okay. and maybe this sounds like wishful thinking—she hasn’t unfollowed me on her personal, private social media accounts that she only allows the people she’s the most closest to, to follow. Hell, she unfollowed THE cool girl who was sorta kinda the catalyst to us drifting apart. (This sounds pathetic as I am typing it out—but it’s got to count as something right?)
We’re graduating in a couple of months. And I don’t know, should I talk to her? Is it weird if I do? Would she even reply? It’s been a year since we last talked. I don’t even know—I just miss her, honestly. She was such a good friend. God I’m pathetic. I don’t even know if she still likes me.
(TLDR; Had a best friend. She got too cool for me. A loser at heart, I fucked things up with her—though things were already headed that way. Last time we talked was a year ago, and we’re graduating in a couple of months. Should I try reconnecting with her?)
Thanks. 🙏