My older boyfriend (41M and 31F) seems to always have a better way for me to do something. If I’m driving he points out a different parking spot than the one I was going to, suggests a different route to drive when going somewhere… He tells me what to do when it’s not necessary like he doesn’t allow me a chance to complete my action before he chimes in. He gave me two options of grocery stores and I made a choice to go to one grocery store over the other and now there’s a reason I should’ve chosen the other one. He gave me two choices of chairs to sit at the beach and there was a reason I should’ve chosen the other one by time our beach day was over.
He tells me how much he loves my independence but deep down I don’t believe him. I feel like I’m on the job training, not building a partnership. He admits to testing me and “teaching me”. I once told him a way he could help me know how he wants to treats me and he said “you can’t tell me how to teach… when you went to college did you tell your teachers how to teach?” He said he’s exposing my “defaults” which are my more independent habits. I told him I feel anxious around him at times because I feel unsure of myself when doing things around him and he said he thinks it’s good I have anxiety because that means I care about pleasing him.
I’m at my wits end, been dating for 4 months. Of course he frames all of this as just trying to help. I’m starting to just give in to what he wants to avoid the uncomfortable feeling of doing things in front of him or I’ll just tell him to do it…. I’ve never felt like this in a relationship before….. he says he is this way because he’s used to dating women who don’t want to think for themselves….
Mind you, I have a masters degree and work two jobs. I can handle myself just fine.
TL;DR – is my boyfriend just trying to control me?
Comments
As they say, “wisdom is chasing you but you are too fast for it”
Your inner voice, your “gut instinct” is screaming at you this guy is bad news and controlling. Listen to it. Leave him now.
That sounds pretty insufferable. I would tell him exactly what you said here. Tell him you like him and want things to work, but he’s going to have to chill a bit if it’s going to.
>I’m at my wits end, been dating for 4 months.
It’s only been 4 months – the best it’s ever going to be – and he’s driving you crazy. This is who he is, his default state of being. Get out while the getting is good.