Hi Reddit. I (18F) have had a really difficult relationship with my mom (46F) for most of my life, and things have been especially bad lately. I feel like I’m reaching a breaking point, and I’m wondering if leaving home, even just temporarily, would be unfair or selfish of me.
For context, I’m from Mexico. Ever since I was little, my mom and I have fought almost daily. Around 8 years old, I realized I probably inherited her temper, and things haven’t gotten better since. I have a younger sister (14F) with whom she never fights, she treats her like an angel. But with me, it feels like everything becomes a reason to argue.
My mom often picks fights with my dad too. When things get bad between them, she either leaves the house to stay with her parents and expects us to chase after her with messages and calls, or she kicks my dad out and becomes emotionally unstable, crying a lot, needing constant attention from me and my sister.
She recently kicked my dad out again and threatened to call the police if he didn’t leave. He packed up and hasn’t contacted her since. Since then, she’s been emotionally all over the place, and most of her anger seems aimed at me.
She often calls me names, tells me I’m useless and fat (I’m 160 cm and 62 kg), and finds reasons to criticize me constantly. She micromanages things like whether I’ve made my bed, and gets physically aggressive during arguments; throwing things, getting in my face, yelling. She used to hit me when I was younger, until I hit her back (once). That hasn’t happened in years, but the verbal and emotional attacks haven’t stopped.
What hurts most is how she ignores my boundaries. I’ve asked her not to touch me in certain ways (especially hugs from behind or touching my hair), but she doesn’t listen. I’ve told her not to bring up topics that trigger my anxiety, and she’ll do it anyway until I snap, then she accuses me of being dramatic or disrespectful. I’ve tried being calm, yelling, writing letters, ignoring her, apologizing… nothing has ever made a lasting difference.
The latest big argument was over a legal appointment (for my fellow Mexicans, my INE). She’d begged to come with me weeks before, and I agreed. But on the day of, she yelled at me for “begging her” to go, and acted like I was being manipulative and wasting her time by bringing her to this. At the appointment, she barged in after saying she wasn’t going inside with me, grabbed my arm like we were the best mother and daughter duo, and acted like nothing had happened.
Now she’s enforcing new “rules” around the house, including forcing me to exercise at her social club. I told her I prefer working out at home (we have a gym and pool), but she insists I have to go, even though I’ve explained how uncomfortable it makes me feel. We had a huge fight and I left the house to run errands, but when I returned home she picked another fight with me.
The truth is, I’m so anxious and depressed I’m physically falling apart. My skin is flaking from stress. My hair is falling out. I barely eat or sleep. I don’t know how much more I can take. She’s also starting to get a bit creepy, watching me eat, coming into my room at night while I sleep, it scares me and I’ve told her but she ignores it.
My escape plan was to go to university in Europe, but that got delayed due to paperwork. I don’t know how long I’ll be stuck here. My dad won’t tell us where he’s staying, and though I thought of calling him and asking if I could stay with him temporarily, I don’t think he can take me in right now.
Two friends offered to let me stay with them, but they’re leaving the country soon, and I just feel too embarrassed. My mom has kicked me out twice in the past two weeks, only to backtrack and say, “I didn’t mean it, this is your house too.” But we both know she does not mean that.
Her birthday is in two days, and I honestly can’t face it. I want to leave. But I also feel so guilty, like maybe I’m exaggerating or being ungrateful. Maybe I haven’t tried hard enough. Maybe I really am the problem. I also think I’m a very unreliable narrator, if you think that too please tell me, I have been trying to be better so long.
If you made it this far, thank you. My only escape from here would be to leave at the middle of the night. I guess what I’m asking is: would it be wrong to leave in the middle of the night? Even just for a few days? I don’t want to burn bridges, I just want to breathe. I’m tired of crying and feeling like I’m falling apart. I want to live in peace, ideally with her, but that feels impossible right now. I feel so lost and alone.
TL;DR: I’ve fought with my mom my whole life, and after years of emotional stress and extreme anxiety, I’m thinking about leaving home in the middle of the night for a few days to protect my mental health. I feel guilty and unsure if I’m overreacting.
Comments
Leave if you have somewhere to go. Get out and don’t look back. Take all your important documents with you.
I totally get why you want to leave. But where will you go? Do you have a job? Being without a home or job could be considerably worse. Get your plan and future income in order, then get out.