Should i open up to her ?

Hi Reddit,

I (29M) recently met someone online (25F), and while it feels like something really special, I’m struggling with whether I should open up about a few deeply personal things—especially considering we may not want the same future.

Let me explain.

🧠 A bit of background

The past few years have been rough. I struggled a lot with mental (and some physical) health challenges, and I fell deep into an online world—forums, gaming, escapism. It was like a tunnel I couldn’t get out of. I withdrew socially, lost a lot of offline connection, and created this sort of confident “online version” of myself that helped me cope.

Thankfully, with outside support, I pulled myself out of the worst part of it. A month ago, I unplugged from the 24/7 online life and started focusing on new goals—maybe going back to University or finding more direction.

❤️ And then I met her

About six weeks ago—right in the middle of disconnecting—I met her in an online community. We clicked immediately. Since then, we’ve been texting, chatting, and video calling regularly. She’s smart, funny, flirty, and honestly disarming in the best way. We share the same sense of humor, and both have ADHD (or as I like to call it, “the little goblin in my head”).

From the start, I couldn’t keep up the online mask with her. She makes me feel seen and surprisingly safe. I’ve never had that.

⚠️ Here’s where it gets complicated

There are a few things she doesn’t know yet:

I’m demisexual — I only feel sexual attraction after a strong emotional connection.

I’m still a virgin at 29, with very little relationship experience.

I’m looking for a long-term relationship, hopefully with marriage and kids someday.

The last part might be the biggest problem.
She’s very focused on her career and has made it clear that she doesn’t want children—and may even pursue sterilization. I respect her choices completely. But I’m scared to open up and get closer if we’re headed in fundamentally different directions.

Today, I talked to a friend about this. He suggested I could just “enjoy the experience” and treat her like a “practice girlfriend.” But that thought disgusts me. She’s not a stepping stone, and I’m not wired like that.

❓My question:

Should I open up to her about all this?
Is it better to be honest early, even if it risks ruining something good?
Or should I keep enjoying the connection while it lasts, even if we might not align long-term?

TL;DR:

Met someone amazing online while recovering from years of mental health struggles and social withdrawal. We connect deeply, but I haven’t told her I’m demisexual, a virgin at 29, and that I want a long-term relationship with kids—while she doesn’t. Not sure if I should open up or keep going with uncertainty. Would love your input.