I have friend who is honestly a challenge for me. And I enjoy that about her! I don’t want to live in an echo chamber and I do think a lot of the ”challenges“ are my own issues. She‘s a good friend to me.
Her life has changed recently to where she is more social because of it. Which makes a part of her personality that wasn’t brought up as much before more front and center. So I knew this about her previously but it came up seldom enough that I didn’t get too annoyed by it but now it’s on strong.
I know people need to know what it is so it’s that shes crazy boastful. “I am better than these people at X”, “This part of me is so intersting/fabulous that I have these assorted people interested“, “No one I know is as X as me.”
I struggle with this because a woman being confident… yay! But something still just grates on my last fucking nerve! And when something annoys you it just seems to take up so much space. I want to get passed it, but I really don’t know if this is a me problem and I also find myself needing to vent but I am wary of it end up just being “gossipy” with mutual friends.
TLDR I want to be a good friend and this person is challenging the adulting I’m trying to do so I need someone to explain friending like I’m five right now.
Comments
It’s okay to feel annoyed even with good friends. Confidence is great, but constant bragging can be tough. You’re not wrong for feeling that, just keep boundaries, vent safely, and give yourself grace. Adult friendship is messy sometimes
I had a friend like this who was incredibly narcissistic (that’s the far end of the self-confidence spectrum) and made comments like that all the time. I tried to confront her gently about it once and she responded that she was just being honest and embracing her confidence, she SHOULD boast about things if they were true etc. It was clear that that talking to her about it wasn’t going to change the behavior, and coupled with some other things I just gave us a wide birth and stopped reaching out/ took space from the friendship. She got the message and stopped reaching out to me as well and things cooled naturally.
Sometimes, there are annoying traits friends have, and that means i just need to not have them in my face so much.
So, not cut off, not ghost for 3 weeks – but dial the hangouts and chats back by a notch or 2.
having a candid conversation about finances, chores, and personal space before making the move. Establishing these ground rules early can help prevent misunderstandings down the line
I’m a fan of direct honesty in these situations. People that “loud” need a sharp response.
“Jen, I really love our friendship but something is bothering me. I know you are amazing, but the constant boasting gets to be a bit much.”
And then give examples. Specific examples. Have several.
Finish with a reminder that you really do like them, but they don’t need to boast for you to know they’re amazing. You already know that.