TL:DR Showed up at my boyfriend’s unannounced after work. After 40 minutes of knocking, he opened the door and his female coworker was awake on his bedroom floor. He says she has nowhere to go. Now he wants to let her stay at his place while he moves into mine, saying not helping her would offend God. I feel completely disrespected This happened recently and it has been bothering me deeply.
I (20,F) decided to stop by my boyfriend’s {33M (who I’ve been with for 3years} place after work since I had the day off. I did not tell him I was coming. I just wanted to surprise him and spend time together.
When I got there, I knocked for 40 minutes. No answer. I could hear movement inside but he was not responding to my texts or calls. He does sleep like a dead person sometimes, but this did not feel like that.
Right as I was about to leave, I banged loudly on the door out of frustration. That is when he finally opened it.
Inside his bedroom, his female coworker was sitting awake on the floor.
I immediately turned around and walked out. He followed me, trying to explain that she had been kicked out and had nowhere else to go, so he let her stay the night. He said she could not sleep on the couch because it was too cold. His AC is always set to 60, but he easily could have turned it up or given her a blanket instead of having her in his room.
This is someone he has repeatedly said he is not attracted to. He has even made fun of her appearance, her outfits, and her choice in men. He has also told me that she has always supported our relationship and encouraged him to do nice things for me.
He is known by everyone to be a good person and is always willing to help people. I know he has a good heart, and this would be typical of him, but this situation crossed a line.
He never told me she was staying there. He let me stand outside for 40 minutes, knocking, texting, and calling. He only opened the door when I banged on it out of frustration, and she was clearly awake the whole time.
This might have been innocent on the surface, but it felt like a betrayal. I felt completely disrespected and disregarded. Whether something happened or not, I was left outside, in the dark, while another woman was sitting comfortably in his private space.
This did not feel like love. It felt like I was the outsider.
I am typing this right after getting off the phone with him. He called to say he wants to let her continue staying at his place and he will move into mine until she figures things out. His reasoning is that he has been in her shoes before and believes not helping her would bring punishment from God. He also told me how she’s been there for him including being his biggest supporter when I tried taking a break from our relationship. I am in utter shock guys. What do you think?
Comments
Yeah he is definitely cheating. If he was only helping out, he would’ve told you in advance to avoid any misunderstanding. Good for you to walk out, stay strong.
It displeases God to let a man play in your face. Go date someone your own age so you aren’t so easily duped next time.
Girl he is cheating on you. That 40 mins sounds not innocent at all. Leave him
3 years. So you were 17 and he 30? Yeah… not good. Regardless of that, he is cheating. I suggest you leave him and tell him to move back to his old apartment.
I stopped reading at the 13 year gap. I need say no more
NAH girl he’s fucking her and the fact that he talked about her at ALL almost confirms it. That’s a thing people do they’ll talk shit about the person they’re cheating with, makes you think they could neeeever in a million years with them! Don’t let him fool you, you’re smarter than believing the lies he’s feeding you about this woman
So you were 17 and he was 30 when you got together? Says it all.
Oh hellllll no, they are fucking. 40 minutes? No, no, no, no. They were both awake. They knew you were there for 40 minutes. If nothing was happening he would have answered you in 1, and he uses god as an excuse to get away with things. She was his biggest supporter when you guys were thinking of breaking up? He makes fun of her appearance (overcompensating so you don’t think he’s attracted to her)? Fuck him and his braindead excuses, you deserve better.
Edit: just saw the 13 year age gap. He thinks you’re stupid as well. Don’t under any circumstances let him “move in with you while she figures things out”
Dude is cheating.
Side note: You got together when you were 17 and he was 30? Big red flag.
Nahhh this is ragebait. No way shes been dating this guy when he was 30 and she was 18. Thats crazy
Let’s start with the fact that a 30 year old started dating a minor three years ago…
This was a fully grown ass 30 year old dating a 17 year old child. Major red flag without even taking the current problem into account.
If it’s not obvious, he’s cheating on you…
So you too started dating when you were 18 and he was 30. Dump him he’s disrespectful and gross.
You got together when he was 30 and you were 17? Wtf lol, this dude is obviously a creep
Sister that age gap is going to get him punished by god if anything.
No woman would be dumb enough to fall for this shit.
That’s why a 17 yo girl sorry 20 is posting on Reddit
A 13 year age gap in a relationship that started when you were 17 and he was 30.
What the FUCK.
Bro wrangled a teen in his 30’s and still pulls this stuff. It’s only going to get worse
He cheated on you. That’s why there were that 40 minutes.
At first, they likely tried to stay quiet thinking you’ll go away and when you’re not and you kept on knocking, they decided to clean up real quick and make it seem that they’re not doing anything when he finally opened the door.
They totally had sex. Sorry to burst your bubble thinking how a good person your bf is, if he were such a good bf, he’d have opened the door immediately. But they didn’t for awhile, for a very good reason, got to clean up evidence, mate.
The only reason you’re buying his BS is because, you’re young and unfortunately are more hopeful/idealistic. There’s a reason why he, a 30 yrs old POS who went after a 17 yrs old.
>I (20,F) decided to stop by my boyfriend’s {33M (who I’ve been with for 3years}
Oh god and you expected a healthy relationship.
He’s cheating. And your age gap is a bit concerning, but it’s ultimately up to you.