Whole story is in my other post, but long story short is she broke up with me because I didn’t validate her well enough and couldn’t talk about emotions. She said she thought I could learn eventually but she didn’t want to get hurt and give me another chance to show her. I validated her as much as I could, but she would always find a fault in it and tell me I didn’t do enough. It was especially hard when I was the one who upset her, because there’s nothing in the world I wanted more than to make her happy, and upsetting her sent a shockwave through my whole mind and body.
We talked briefly the other day and she essentially told me I was not worth the effort of being allowed to learn. I waited on her hand and foot during the relationship. Not because I thought I had to, but because I loved her and understood that she had trauma.
But the whole point of dating somebody new is learning and growing. She says she wants to be friends, but why would I want to be friends with somebody who doesn’t trust me, who wouldn’t give me feedback, and wouldn’t even dignify my attempts with acknowledgement. And now says my emotional intelligence is so poor as to require training wheels. I want to tell her how horribly she treated me at the end, and how shitty it feels. She doesn’t seem to care about my emotions at all or my experience now that we are over. She only cares about protecting her self
Tldr: relationship started amazing, she broke up with me because I didn’t validate her well enough when I upset her, despite my constant attempts. She wants to be friends but tells me I need emotional training wheels and I am not worth her time to learn
Comments
It’s not up to you to validate about human
Dude, she’s nearly a decade younger than you. This is a valid boundary. It may have been hurtful, but it’s valid.
The point of dating is not to train up a person who is eight years older as an adult on the planet. This is often put on women, and more and more women reject it. Any learning and growing you want to do, is on you. It’s not on her. If she says she doesn’t want to spend her years that way, hard as it may be to hear, it’s utterly valid. She clearly has plenty of her own work to do, and she’s entirely entitled to choose to do it, while not dating you.
It was just two months and she didn’t want to continue. That’s a pretty normal length of time to realize you might like someone, but not want to have a long-term relationship with them.
Frankly, the level of your emotional reaction seems a bit unhinged. She seems to have given you more feedback that most people get after just a few weeks of dating, and you don’t like it. That’s fine. You don’t have to take it. You can have your own perspective, no one is requiring you to agree with hers. If you found her unkind, don’t be her friend, but it is entirely appropriate for her to end a connection at a mere two months in, if she doesn’t think will be happy and healthy for her to continue. It’s actually very mature and respectful to not drag this out with the hope you’ll change in the ways she wants or needs.
EDIT: And all seriousness, reflect on your past posts. These last two months weren’t “amazing”. There were a lots of moments of misunderstanding and harsh judgment, and a lot of withdrawing and anxiety. It really shouldn’t be that bad, that early. You’re both supposed to be on your best behavoir, and giving eachother the most benefit of the doubt, at that stage. This doesn’t sound like it was actually secure and healthy for you either…
She sounds exhausting. It was only two months. Let her go, move on. You can do better.