Tl;dr:
I am convinced this girl slept with another guy. What should i do?
I [19M] have been talking to a girl [18F] for about six months now. We’re not officially together, but we’re very close — we talk every day, she usually responds pretty quickly, checks in with me, and overall we’ve built something that feels meaningful.
Yesterday, she worked until 3 PM, and I had a shift from 4 PM to 11 PM. A couple of hours after she got off work, she sent me a snap where she was dressed up — more than usual, definitely not in chill-at-home clothes. I responded, but after that… nothing.
She didn’t reply for the rest of the day. I could see that she was active on Snapchat — all the way until around 3 AM. But not a single message back to me. That really threw me off because:
1:She always replies pretty fast — even during busy days.
2: If she was with friends, she’d usually mention it.
3: She was home alone (her parents are away). 4: Why would she dress up just to stay home and go to bed early?
This morning, I finally got a reply. She said: “Yes, sorry I didn’t reply. I was really tired after work and drifting in and out of sleep while my friend Sofia kept calling me.”
It just doesn’t sit right with me. I’m not trying to jump to conclusions, but I can’t shake the feeling that she had a guy over. Her behavior last night was completely out of character, and she’s never ghosted me like that — especially not when she’s home alone and active online.
I’m not here to accuse her or call her names — I just feel blindsided and honestly a bit betrayed. Am I overthinking this? Or does it sound like something is being hidden? What should i say to her?
Comments
Unless you’ve had the conversation that you are mutually exclusive, you aren’t together and she can do whatever and whoever she wants. Either quit beating around the bush and tell her you want to be together, or be ready to keep breaking your own heart when she sees other people.
You write cheated, but judging by your first paragraph it doesn’t seem like you guys have even discussed exclusivity. Care to explain?
Ok, 2 things.
First, keep control over your emotions. Don’t overhink, don’t make assumptions. Maybe there was someone, maybe not. Maybe she slept with him, maybe not. Anyways, whatever happened already happened, you have no control over it. But you have 100% about how you feel, and what you can do.
Second : you’ll have to talk to her. Not calling her names, not blaming her, not forcing her to talk about it. But you have to make yourself clear : what you want in your life, what you don’t want.
As you said, you’re not together. Was there any agreement that she would be exclusive?
My advice : meet her, and give her a clear message. I like the following structure :
I assume it should be something like :
If she’s not aligned with your goals and boundaries, just tell her that’s fine, and you wish her to be happy.
Prob with some ex for sure
“I [19M] have been talking to a girl [18F] for about six months now. We’re not officially together…”
This is where your problem is. You aren’t dating, at all, and yet somehow think what she does when you’re not at work together is your business. It is not. Stop being a fucking creep, and ask her out, or move on.
Are you two even dating? You sound likes friends.
Don’t say anything. She’s not your girlfriend and you have no right to police who she sees, or how long it takes her to reply to messages. Frankly, if you are not officially together then she can sleep with whoever she wants. If you don’t like it, then stop dating her or ask her to be official. But you can’t “play it chill” and then expect her to give you her undivided attention.