So, I’ve been working on this issue for about a year now but it recently got worse and woke up more anxiety in me.
I’ve grown up seeing my parents who are each other’s firsts and have been married for decades and watching all the romance movies I didn’t even realise that I got this perfectionistic ideal of love burnt into my noggin. This had led me to have some sort of RJ where if my love interest has more knowledge or experience than me it makes me panic and immediately think “then well it won’t be as special for them anymore compared to me” and this damn mindset is killing me.
Another part of me is panicking because I don’t wanna hurry nothing and I’m a slow paced person but I’m scared of missing out all the young and fun love (I’m in my early 20s).
We can put my low self esteem and being a people pleaser on top of that too (currently seeing therapy for that :>). When I overthink I always end up making me a villain in my head which makes me not enjoy affection and other stuff and it often makes me close myself into a box. Yet I crave validation and affection because I never got that growing up so now I’m in a “I crave love, but I’m running away in fear from it” sorta situation.
I refuse to date or approach people that I like just because they don’t “fit the ideal” and that makes me scared. I don’t want to seek perfection anymore and just wanna have some fun in life but the overthinking takes over any excitement I ever feel when trying to be affectionate or flirty.
TL;DR The “perfect ideal relationship” is making me think I’m missing out in love and it’s making me sad. Yet the overthinking is stopping me from facing my issue and enjoying myself. How do I change this mindset that’s been burnt in for so long?
P.S. I’m also doing some “exposure therapy” myself as to say. Which means I stopped watching romance stuff that would fit the ideal and now look and focus on something that wouldn’t match that and would challenge that mindset. As well as writing down my feelings and thoughts and stuff.
Comments
You need to put your age and gender in the title or this will get removed. I’ll just say that your parents continuing to stay together after being each other’s firsts is extremely rare. Most people don’t end up with their first partner, because people grow and age and evolve and change- I’m 36 and I was almost married at 20 and THANK GOD I didn’t because I am absolutely not the same person and don’t want the same things as I did back then. I’m married to a man (who was divorced before meeting me) I met after many, many years of dating and relationships and we are rock solid because both of us have so much experience. We know what we like, what we won’t tolerate, and what’s normal and healthy in a relationship. Honestly, believing that a first love is the best love is incredibly naïve.
Just bang sloots and ghost them bro, who fucking cares