I 20M am in a LDR with my gf (19F) for about 1.5yrs, she was in college and we had alot of issues because i felt insecure that she was going to alot of parties and missed some of our phone dates to talk to her guy friends, she has girl friends as well but the ratio of M to F is equal for them. Anyways, shes finished with school and its summer break, they have a groupchat together with her and 2 guys (both 19M), they decided to hangout for some time in summer, but they all live far from eachother, so her one guy friends is hosting it, she is taking a 3 hour train to his house and the other guy will as well, they will be there from friday night until monday, but one guy is leaving sunday so she will be spending the night with just her and the one guy friend for a night. this makes me uncomfortable and i told her, but she doesnt see what i feel and just thinks we have different mindsets, she didnt tell me way ahead of time or ask me if i was comfortable, she tells me literally the day before it happens. The reason it makes me insecure is because of our history. I went to visit her for a few weeks last november and she was texting another guy everyday all day, even when we were laying together she would text him, this man was not part of her friend group he was a grade above her so i confronted her about it and made a big deal that hes just a friend, but this was the same guy that she paused one of our facetime dates with so he could come over to her apartment at night and help her with math homework about a month before i visited her, she stopped texting him after he stopped texting her, because she still did it the whole trip knowing i was feeling insecure of him. That raised the first red flag. After i got back home she ended up getting a gym membership at the same place that another guy goes to and this guy is the one hosting their sleepover, she doesnt have a car on campus so although theres a school gym, she got a ride with him everyday to the gym and they would workout together, and even get lunch after sometimes, i expressed my feelings about this too but she said its normal to have guyfriends and that she would let me do the same with girls, which i know in the beginning of our relationship i wouldnt do because she had been cheated on before and id never do something to make her doubt me, so now i feel like shes using it as an excuse because i dont have any super close lady friends so obviously i couldnt just sleepover at a girls house neither would i want to. She has made me overthink so much, and everytime she says she will do things to not make me overthink, she pushes the boundaries even further, ive almost broken up with her 2 times because of house bad it makes me feel and she still hasnt taken my feelings into account, my problem now is thay in 2 weeks she is flying to see me and will be here for 3 weeks, i cant just leave her because she wont have a place to stay and the tickets were expensive, but i just feel like breaking up after tbh. Im not controlling and ive never told her she couldnt wear this or she couldnt go out and do that, i just tell her what makes me feel bad and she doesnt listen, i dont know what to do, and im wondering if anyone has had similar situations
TL;DR My gf has consistently makes me overthink and says she will take into account my feelings and boundaries, yet she suprises me by telling me shes taking a 3hr train to spend the weekend with a 2 guys in one of their houses, and it will just be her and the main guy for the last night there, shes only known them from college, and shes even told me before that the main guy has aways objectified women, and only talks about them in sexual manners, and his celebrity crush also looks like her which makes me feel worse.
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Hang it up chief. She’s gonna get a 🚂 ran on her. Choo choo
“The guy she tells you not worry about”
What is your gut telling you?
Clearly this crosses a boundary.
This girl is disrespectful as hell man, be the man she doesn’t expect you to be and break it off clean. Be sure to tell her why too – that she doesn’t respect you. She may think you’re being insecure but you’re really not. You’re simply expecting her to maintain a common sense boundary. She can’t or won’t do that so kick her to the curb.
If this isn’t a bait post and considering you guys are a LDR id cut this off now. The emotional drain and stress is not worth it. You guys are still young and there is plenty of time and opportunity ahead for each of you. It sucks and I would be more inclined to egg you on to try and work things out with yourself if I hadn’t dealt with a similar situation that ended poorly a long time ago. There is some self esteem work to be done on yourself but with these kinds of things you need to trust your gut sometimes.
That doesn’t sound like your gf, homie. That sounds like a girl you’re talking to who’s dating around.
Time to pack up your feelings and learn a life lesson. Women who are committed to their relationships don’t willingly put said relationship in jeopardy like this.
Dude just move on. Whatever you think is happening, is likely happening. This is so weird. She should know what this looks like
You should break up with her. You should date someone who has similar values as you and who makes an effort to make you feel seen and secure in the relationship.