My (29F) former bandmates (30F & 33F) left the band and now they’re telling people I stole our Instagram account.

Hi everyone. I’d really appreciate some outside perspective on a situation I’m still struggling to process.

I (29F) was in a punk band with my partner Ben (33M, drummer), and another couple we were close friends with: Brenda (30F, vocalist) and Charlotte (33F, guitarist). I played lead guitar.

We started the band on a whim one night, drinking together, and it seemed like a really incredible idea. Ben and I had musical experience, and our friends were just starting out but were super talented, so we were all excited. We gained traction quickly in our (small) national scene and shared the goal of eventually going full-time. We agreed to split responsibilities equally, had regular check-ins, and worked hard.

I was in charge of our Instagram and handled it daily for over three years. It became our biggest platform, and I poured a lot into it – time, energy, and even some of my own money on promo.

Eventually, Brenda began struggling with addiction and severe mental health issues. Some of this behaviour turned hostile and on one occasion, violent toward us. She was going through a tough time in her life so we tried to support her. But she ultimately chose to leave the band and it was heartbreaking. We’d agreed from the beginning that if someone left, they wouldn’t be involved in decision-making anymore, though they’d still receive credit and royalties for what they contributed. Even then, I felt protective of her.

After Brenda stepped away, Ben and Charlotte asked me to become the vocalist. I was nervous but agreed and came to love it. The band started gaining momentum again. But over time, Charlotte began pulling back too, missing deadlines and ghosting us on the group chat. Ben and I tried to give her time and support (for over a year), but eventually we sat her down to say we were overwhelmed. She chose to leave too.

After that, it was just Ben and me. The band dynamic had changed so much that we decided to rename the project. Shortly after, we got password change notifications from our shared accounts. I initially thought it was a hack, but it turned out Brenda and Charlotte had tried to log in without speaking to us. That really hurt. Because I thought they would speak to us instead of doing something like that.

Still, I didn’t want to end things with bitterness. So we reached out to try and split everything. We told them they could keep the band name, the Spotify with our old music and monthly listeners, and all other platforms. They said they appreciated the offer and might make music under the old name someday, but weren’t interested in continuing with our new direction.

The only thing we kept was the Instagram – because I had built it, managed it alone, and it felt tied to my identity and work. And we had already rebranded it with the new band name. The transition felt pretty natural, and many fans stayed and were excited about our new music.

But since then, Brenda and Charlotte have told others we “stole” the account. They haven’t called me out directly, but they’ve implied a lot. And their friends have started sending me rude messages.

I’ve never tried to publicly bash them, and I’m still really hurt. I tried to be kind and fair through all of this. I didn’t want to take anything from them. I just didn’t want to lose everything I’d put years of work into either.

Has anyone else been in a situation like this with creative or business partners? How do you make peace with people rewriting the story?

TL;DR:
I was in a band with my partner and two close friends. Over time, both friends left the band due to personal struggles, and my partner and I decided to continue under a new name. We fairly split the band assets, and I kept the Instagram account that I had built and managed for years. Now the former members are telling people we “stole” it, and I’m getting hate from their friends. I’m hurt and confused because I tried to handle everything fairly. Just looking for advice or similar experiences from others.