I (24F) have a good friend (24F) I care about, but lately I’m feeling drained in the friendship. She’s very insecure and slowly started copying more and more of me over the past year and it’s becoming too much.
It started with her getting the same haircut 2 years ago, which I didn’t mind at all. But this year she started asking what shampoo I use, what skincare, what makeup… That’s fine, friends do that. But it slowly turned into her buying the same products. I mentioned how much I love bronzer, and she suddenly switched from only using blush to using bronzer. Then came darker eye makeup that looked more like mine. Not an exact copy, but clearly inspired.
I’ve also been into fitness for years. I used to train six days a week and built noticeable muscle (still feminine, but strong). It’s a big part of who I am. She told me she didn’t even enjoy working out, but that she wanted to have hobbies and “seem more interesting.” Then she bought the exact same gym outfit I always wear and styled her hair exactly like I do, including specific strands I leave out under the cap. One day, someone at the gym mistook her for me from a quick glance and that really stuck with me. Now she says she wants to be really into the gym too. And that’s when I started feeling like she’s not building herself, but trying to adopt whatever works for me.
What makes it even more uncomfortable is that she’s 24 and has never had a relationship, and lately it feels like almost everything in her life revolves around trying to find one. She’s said she’s scared of ending up alone, and I think that fear drives a lot of her choices from how she dresses to the interests she picks up.I’ve had long-term ones and tend to get approached now and then. I don’t go looking for it, it just happens sometimes. She sees that, and I think it touches a nerve.
She’s cried more than once when guys showed interest in me and not her. And in those moments, I feel like I have to downplay it by saying things like, “It was probably the leggings” or “I just happened to talk to them first”, just to spare her feelings and avoid another emotional spiral. Even though I’ve done nothing wrong, I’m the one trying to make her feel okay.
The more she mirrors me, the more it feels like she’s not just hoping to get the same attention bu that she’s hoping to come out better. Like she wants to recreate my life and finally be the one who “wins” for once. I wouldn’t even be surprised if she rubbed it in if someone ever chose her over me, not out of cruelty, but out of a deep need to prove herself. That’s what makes it feel like silent competition.
I’ve talked to her gently, told her I care about her and that she’s great on her own, that she doesn’t need to copy me to be loved, interesting, or seen. I encouraged her to find her own interest, the way I found mine, instead of imitating mine in hope that they’ll work for her too. But she took it as criticism. Nothing really changed.
I don’t even know what to do with this anymore. I don’t want to overreact, and part of me wonders if I’m just imagining things or being overly sensitive. But it’s really starting to get under my skin, and I don’t fully understand why it bothers me this much.
TL;DR: Friend keeps copying me in numerous ways and it’s starting to feel like quiet competition instead of friendship. I’ve talked to her, but nothing changes and I don’t know if I’m overreacting or how to progress.