I’ve (18F) been dating my boyfriend (20M) for around a year, but I am questioning whether I need to end the relationship as I have NO physical attraction to him.
He’s my first boyfriend so I wasn’t sure how I was supposed to feel, but I’m quickly realising that the complete absence of any desire towards him may be a real issue. I avoid sex like the plague and even kissing him feels like a chore. He’s by no means ugly, but I think he’s just very far from what my type actually is.
But the problem is, I love him deeply as a person. He’s really quite perfect for me and I thought we would be together forever, and I know he feels the same for me. I don’t want to sacrifice a really good thing and I don’t know if I could possibly love another man the way I do him. But I know he’s frustrated by the lack of sexual contact and it’s causing issues for us.
What should I do? I thought he was the love of my life, but this is really messing with my head.
TLDR; I love my boyfriend dearly, but feel no attraction for him.
Comments
You should move on. It may feel hard, but it’s the right thing to do for him. He deserves to be with someone who loves all of him and wants to have a full relationship with hugs, kisses, sex, etc.
And you deserve that too. You don’t have a full relationship here. You don’t know if could love someone like him because you’re 18 years old. You have to get out there and see what the world has to offer. Don’t settle for what is a meh relationship.
End it. If it hasn’t happened in 2 years and when you love him, it’s not gonna happen. You guys are young. You and him will both find love again or maybe life will lead you back together under different circumstances and you’ll find your attraction has changed, no one can say. You are not a bad person (even though Reddit will probably say you are), but right now you’re torturing yourself and him trying to force something that isn’t there. I am speaking from experience.
You’re 18. Break up. There will be other people.
Also: I’m pretty certain he doesn’t want to be in a sexless relationship with someone who isn’t attracted to him. You can’t be a good partner to him if this is the case, girl.
Let each other go gracefully.
Hi. As someone who is not that much older, I would suggest that both of ya’ll deserve someone who is suitable for him and you. You deserve to feel those feelings with someone and he deserves someone who will feel those feelings towards him.
My only caveat would be if your relationship was extremely new. I know for some people that physical attraction comes later after they’ve established an emotional connection. However, take this lightly since ya’ll have already been together for a year.
Keep in mind there is absolutely nothing wrong with doing what is right for ya’ll and you can do hard things 🙂
It’s OK to realise that the feelings you have for someone are actually not the ones you should have. It’s part of the journey.
You’re still young and it takes time to understand what we’re looking for in someone.
Let’s start ny fixing something important : what you feel is not love. It might be admiration, affection..
But without attraction, it’s not love. Love requires all 3 A.
I guess he already knows that you’re not attracted to him physically, or at least he feels like there is something wrong at this level.
Whenever you will tell him that you can’t keep going, he will not be that surprised. It’s going to be hard for both of you, but this is the way. We grow through experiences, pain and learnings.
The first guy you date is rarely your last and at 18 if you aren’t attracted to him you’re just wasting both of your time that coins be spent in a relationship with a future
If there isn’t any physical attraction between you and your bf, end the relationship asap, as it will get worse from here. Just tell him the truth and he’ll get over it.