Recently, I found out my (21M) boyfriend secretly recorded me 22F showering and touching myself. For context, me and boyfriend started video calling due to being long distance. We had a strict rule that we would not screenshot or save any nude videos of each other. This was to help make each feel more comfortable. I was very hesitant to do anything on call but thought that it would be okay. When visiting, I went on his phone to leave silly photos while he was sleeping. When looking at his camera roll I found the videos. I confronted him and he said he was sorry and told me that he didn’t mean it. Now I can’t get my self to do anything intimate with him outside of cuddling. I don’t feel as safe anymore. I love him, but I’m also scared. He said he did it because of an urge and admitted that he wouldn’t have told me if I didn’t find it. He is the first healthy relationship I’ve ever had and now I don’t know anymore. Any advice? Am I over thinking things?
TL;DR: bf recorded me without my permission.
Comments
This is not a healthy relationship. That is assault.
“He didn’t mean it”??? Girl what? He absolutely and obviously DID mean to record you, not ever tell you, and was betting on you never finding out. He was very comfortable lying to you about this and breaking your trust, and he absolutely did mean to do that because he thought he could get away with it.
You don’t feel safe with him because he isn’t a safe person and you should never trust him again
I hope you deleted the videos when you could, and yes, you should break up with him.
Make him delete everything in front of you and then dump his lying ass.
This is incredible illegal. So just justifying that your reaction is 1000% justified and probably even under reacting. He isn’t who you thought he was. He doesn’t care about consent or like normal human decency. Honestly I don’t see how such a violation of trust and your body autonomy could be something a relationship can survive. Yes he’s young and stupid but also this is just such a fucked up thing to do. Couples counseling may be something that will help but honesty id just get individual counseling to help you deal with the intense violation and help build up your self esteem to know you deserve better and that this is indeed not a healthy dynamic at all.
This is not your first healthy relationship, because this is NOT healthy. It is a complete and utter violation of your trust and privacy, and it is very prev coded. This is a red flag that you should NOT ignore, it will be your biggest regret later if you ignore this.
My boyfriend and I were long distance for years he would never do something so gross. You are so young please leave him.
op please tell me you deleted the video. it is absolutely not okay to film someone without their consent and you’re right to not feel safe of comfortable. i would instantly break up with someone if they did that to me
He needed to jerk off on his own terms of assume. Go easy on em. Could be worse. He could be a cheating POS