My wife (30F) cheated on me. And I (26F) took her back. Then filed for divorced her few months later.

My wife (30F) cheated on me. And I (26F) took her back. Then divorced her few months later.

I’m not proud of it. But I loved her I still love her, in a way that makes me feel stupid. I tried saving the 5 years we had.

When I found out, it wasn’t some emotional affair or a drunken mistake. She moved out. She stayed with the other woman for over a month, like our whole marriage was just something she could walk away from. No goodbye. No conversation. Just gone.

Later on she will claim that I was too young and
inexperienced. She needed someone she can relate to more. I went through hell during those six weeks. I was grieving a marriage that hadn’t even officially ended. I barely ate. I cried constantly. I spiraled.

And then one day… she came back. Out of nowhere.

Showed up at our apartment like nothing happened. Saying she made a mistake. That the grass wasn’t greener. That she missed me. That she still loved me. Saying she had seen my post on IG and the attention I was getting. She refused to let someone reap the benefits of me being a good wife. Eww very toxic but I thought I was in love

I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t trust her. But I wanted my wife back. I wanted us back. So I said okay.

She moved back in. We tried to patch things up. We tried going therapy, communication, routines, boundaries the whole nine yards. I gave her everything. Full transparency. Grace. Forgiveness.

Something in me never healed. Even the way she kissed me didn’t seem right. I felt like she being possessive and controlling. Like I was her prize.

Every time she touches her phone a little too long. Every time she’s late coming home. Every time I hear a name I don’t recognize. There’s this weight in my chest. And no matter how hard I try.

I don’t trust her emotionally with my heart.

And worse? I don’t even like her the same way anymore. The person who left me like that who came back only when it didn’t work out with the other woman that’s not the person I want to build a future with.

When I try to talk about separation or divorce, she breaks down. She begs me not to give up. She reminds me that I took her back. That I said we could try again. That she’s changed. Even through the tears I left the divorce papers and my lawyers card and never looked back.

She’s been committed present and loving.

But I’m just… done. Something inside me broke, and I don’t know if it’ll ever come back. I don’t want revenge. I don’t want to fight. I just want peace. And space. And to feel like myself again.

But she says I’m heartless. That I’m gave up after she did all the work to make things. I would be lying I want her she was my first. How do I make it work should I make it work.

TL;DR: My wife cheated and left me to live with another woman for 6 weeks. When she came back saying she made a mistake, I took her back and tried to make it work. But I realize I don’t trust her and don’t want to be with her anymore but she says I’m heartless for giving up after she “changed.” I proceeded with the divorce.