My gf and i have been together for 11 months now and we live about a 100km away which causes us to mainly see eachother every weekend and sometimes in the week. My family are going on a vacation for a week to meet family in another country and I VERY LAST MINUTE got the chance to come with. However we leave on saturday and my gf had originally planned our weekend from friday to monday. Now this really cut our weekend short and i have discussed it with her before hand. She tells me she wants me to go because i really want to but she also does not want me to since she wont be able to see me as much and the weekend is shorter. I feel terrible about this, i feel so guilty and i dont know why. I came over to her from thursday to saturday morning so that we could still see eachother but its making it really hard to leave. Im sad to leave her and i will miss her to death and she will do the same, she tells me to “have fun” while she is at home and sad and i cant stand it. I debated not going but i would regret it horribly so i have to. I will miss her everyday and i dont want it to ruin my holiday or either of us to be sad but i know she Will. Am i an asshole?
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My gf and i have been together for 11 months now and we live about a 100km away which causes us to mainly see eachother every weekend and sometimes in the week. My family are going on a vacation for a week to meet family in another country and I VERY LAST MINUTE got the chance to come with. However we leave on saturday and my gf had originally planned our weekend from friday to monday. Now this really cut our weekend short and i have discussed it with her before hand. She tells me she wants me to go because i really want to but she also does not want me to since she wont be able to see me as much and the weekend is shorter. I feel terrible about this, i feel so guilty and i dont know why. I came over to her from thursday to saturday morning so that we could still see eachother but its making it really hard to leave. Im sad to leave her and i will miss her to death and she will do the same, she tells me to “have fun” while she is at home and sad and i cant stand it. I debated not going but i would regret it horribly so i have to. I will miss her everyday and i dont want it to ruin my holiday or either of us to be sad but i know she Will. Am i an asshole?
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She cant come with btw cuz of work and its very last minute
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I believe this because I feel guilty abt leaving. Its making her sad while im away “having fun” i just need some opinions. It wont change much but idk. Please let me post this
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NAH. She lives 100 km away and you see each other every weekend? That is pretty good going, and really your relationship should be able to survive a two week gap.
I don’t understand where the conflict is here
How old are you? Your relationship can’t last a week without seeing each other? If not there’s some other issues going on. I suspect you’re young and this is maybe your first long term relationship? You’re not an AH if you go, but you’d be an AH to yourself if you don’t.
NTA. Of course you’ll miss each other but you’ll have plenty of weekends. Enjoy the family trip. If she’s the one – she’ll understand. I did 1300 miles of long distance & we’ve been married now 22 yrs. A weekend is nothing in the long run.
Before we start: 62 miles (60 to 90 minutes) to translate for those of you with American educations.
NAH. You can miss one weekend with your gf. Lets not be dramatic. Your relationships with people aside from your partner also need attention. Go see your family, enjoy, leave your phone in your pocket. Tell her all about it the weekend you’re back.
NTA.
It is healthy to have a relationship with your family and friends, and to spend time with them without your significant other. If she can’t handle a weekend apart without sitting around depressed, then I would take this as a massive red flag.
NTA. Me and my current husband lived 7,900 miles (12,500km) from each other for many years before we were in the same space. It’s okay for her to want you to go and visit family while also feeling sad to not get to see you. If she’s not pressuring you to NOT go, you’re okay. She’s being open about how she feels without trying to make you feel bad.
Go on the trip, enjoy your time, send her lots of pictures and reminders that you miss her.
Sounds like you found your person.
Congratulations. 🍻
How often do you see the family abroad? If longer than 10 years, go on the vacation.
NTA. You shouldn’t sacrifice seeing your family and extended family because your GF feels bad about it.
It’s low-key red flag controlling/gaslighting on your gf side. You should be wary of such behaviour, it really sounds like emotional blackmail.
Info : has your gf met your family? Have you officially introduced her to them as your gf ? If yes, is she getting along with them and at ease (and vice-versa)? Was there a possibility to add your gf to the trip or is it more a family only vacation?
NTA, it’s okay to do things apart. Start planning for the next vacation with the two of you instead of stressing over her not having a good time.
NAH you’re still going to see her that weekend, just not as long as you normally do. It’s fine! Take this opportunity and go see your family.
You’ll be fine. Go see your family.
Just go my god.
you might find it helpful to do some research about codependent relationships
Of course you’re NTA.
Even your gf told you to go and have fun. You CAN miss your gf and still have a good time. Learn to sit with these emotions. How old are you?
It’s not the end of the world. Go there and bring stuffs to her !!!
NAH, but you’re being a baby. Your girlfriend is allowed to feel two ways about this: happy you’re going, sad that her weekend plans with you changed. That is temporary and she’s an adult. This idea that you have that you need to feel guilty any time she’s sad and do everything you can to change it is not healthy or kind, it’s a weird kind of controlling behavior because you’re not allowing her to manage her own feelings. The only time you need to feel guilty is when you do something to hurt her, and spending time with your family is not that.
Nta Im not sure why your feeling so guilty.
Seems a bit strange your gf is finding not being with you for a week that difficult.
I think youd find it really helpful to do some research on codependent relationships
You sound like kids not adults
Each of you needs to have a life separate from the relationship. Go enjoy your family time. She can go hang out with family or friends of her own.
NAH