I25 have been with my husband28 for 5 years. We’ve been married for 3. We have one child together(5 month old)
Basically my husband has had this bestfriend, who I knew of because I have sisters their age. We grew up in the same town, I’ve known of them all my whole life. His bestfriend is female, she has only dated woman. Except she isn’t “masculine” I apologize if I’m not using like the right terms but yea. She is very feminine, very pretty. Apparently she’s only ever had one boyfriend and that was in the 9th grade and it was very brief. She’s dated many woman, even was engaged once. I’ve met a few of them. She’s currently single. I’ve never necessarily worried about her, or been a concern bc my husband loves me deeply and I can tell. He’s great.
A few nights ago was my husband birthday. His bestfriend now lives about two hours away, so she drove out here to spend the night with us. They were all drinking heavily, she started getting kind of sloppy. We had another friend over who was vomiting in our other bathroom so I told her why don’t you shower in our bathroom in our bedroom. I was the only sober one along with other friends gf.
Anyways, my husband in our room and I hear them talking and I walk in there, and she’s getting COMPLETELY undressed right in front of him. And he’s not even stopping her. I’m like uh what?! Go in the bathroom. She tells me “it’s fine, you don’t have to be insecure.” So I literally just tell her get out, n other friends gf backed me up n was like yea this is strange. She brought her back to their place. Anyways, husband and I get into huge fight. He says I’m overreacting, that she’s a lesbian. I’m like it’s not about that? It’s about respect. He defended that with saying she was super drunk.
Last night I get a long paragraph from her saying they’ve been friends since they were 10 years old and I’m new here, that I’m being jealous and overbearing and how she rarely gets to see HER bestfriend since she lives so far away and he has the baby now. Husband is upset she insulted me, but agreed that I was in the wrong. AITA
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I25 have been with my husband28 for 5 years. We’ve been married for 3. We have one child together(5 month old)
Basically my husband has had this bestfriend, who I knew of because I have sisters their age. We grew up in the same town, I’ve known of them all my whole life. His bestfriend is female, she has only dated woman. Except she isn’t “masculine” I apologize if I’m not using like the right terms but yea. She is very feminine, very pretty. Apparently she’s only ever had one boyfriend and that was in the 9th grade and it was very brief. She’s dated many woman, even was engaged once. I’ve met a few of them. She’s currently single. I’ve never necessarily worried about her, or been a concern bc my husband loves me deeply and I can tell. He’s great.
A few nights ago was my husband birthday. His bestfriend now lives about two hours away, so she drove out here to spend the night with us. We were all drinking heavily, she started getting kind of sloppy. We had another friend over who was vomiting in our other bathroom so I told her why don’t you shower in our bathroom in our bedroom. I was the only sober one along with other friends gf.
Anyways, my husband in our room and I hear them talking and I walk in there, and she’s getting COMPLETELY undressed right in front of him. And he’s not even stopping her. I’m like uh what?! Go in the bathroom. She tells me “it’s fine, you don’t have to be insecure.” So I literally just tell her get out, n other friends gf backed me up n was like yea this is strange. She brought her back to their place. Anyways, husband and I get into huge fight. He says I’m overreacting, that she’s a lesbian. I’m like it’s not about that? It’s about respect.
Last night I get a long paragraph from her saying they’ve been friends since they were 10 years old and I’m new here, that I’m being jealous and overbearing and how she rarely gets to see HER bestfriend since she lives so far away and he has the baby now. Husband is upset she insulted me, but agreed that I was in the wrong. AITA
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I kicked my husband bestfriend out for changing infront of him. She sent me a huge rude paragraph calling me insecure and jealous. My husband and I got into a huge argument. I might be the ah for making her leave
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA, what? As a husband, yeah this is NOT ok. I hope your husband gets all the down votes and he sees what a mistake he has made. You have a best friend problem AMD a husband problem, whether she is lesbian or not.
NTA You definitely have a husband problem. He’s choosing their friendship over your feelings, and you should always be the priority. They’re both TA.
One major ingredient for a happy healthy relationship is making the effort to make sure that your partner feels secure and safe in their relationship. Your husband is not doing that if you’re not comfortable with him having a fully naked woman doesn’t matter what her orientation is right in front of him in a bedroom that’s not you Then that is the law in that house. You are not being unreasonable. That is shady and weird. I’ve heard other stories where women that pretend to be lesbians have been secretly hooking up with their ““ best friends for years. So no, I don’t think you’re wrong at all. I’m not saying he’s cheating, but I am saying that somebody crossed the line and it’s probably her and he was probably being polite and trying to act like he would never do anything which he might not ever do anything but if you’re not comfortable with that, you have every right to tell her to get out when she was disrespectful to your wishes in your own home
NTA
It isn’t about her being a lesbian or them being friends for over half their lives – it’s the fact that you were immediately uncomfortable with her being naked in your home and in front of your partner. You gave her the opportunity to get dressed and she pushed back. I’d have done the same thing regardless of gender or sexuality simply because that’s a boundary (but also my husband would tell them to get dressed before I’d even walked into the room, so).
NTA – your husband is INCREDIBLY dismissive of your feelings and comfortability levels. Don’t even get me started on the gaslighting.
You are his wife, and she is his friend. Regardless if it is objectively wrong or inappropriate, he should prioritize your feelings about it. You set your boundary, and he should respect that.
Also it’s silly for him to cite her being gay for the situation not being weird… he’s not gay. I would feel uncomfortable about it too.
NTA
NTA
Nope,
Your husband’s best friend completely crossed a boundary. Whether she’s gay, straight, bi, or anything else doesn’t excuse the fact that she got undressed in front of your husband… in your bedroom… That is wildly inappropriate.
The fact that your husband didn’t immediately stop her or leave the room is also a red flag. It’s not about insecurity; it’s about respect for your relationship and your shared space.
You made a reasonable call by asking her to leave after that behavior. Her later message accusing you of being jealous and overbearing only reinforces that she doesn’t respect you or your boundaries.
Long friendship or not, being close for years doesn’t give someone a free pass to act inappropriately in someone else’s marriage or home. You set a boundary, and that’s healthy and needed.
Your reaction was measured and justified. Your husband agreeing (even if he’s upset) shows that deep down, he knows you were right too.
So yeah , 100% NTA
nta. from her reply it sounds like she wanted to do it to start something, that something could have been sexy time, a 3 some with you and hubs, or just wanting to start a fight with you.
she doesn’t sound remorseful. not sooo horribly drunk that her hangover has her hugging the toilet the next morning either huh.
Im zooming in and ONLY focusing on your husband’s reaction.
One thing i can never stand is the belittling of one’s valid feelings,because trust and believe if YOU were found in a room with a drunk naked male friend HE would have something else to say that wouldnt match what he’s telling You now.
It IS a big deal and i dont know girl….. you have a man problem. Focus on THAT!
NTA – The message stating you shouldn’t be jealous is the cherry on top. Not saying you should, but I would look at my husband differently as well. Not okay at all!
NTA, New here? B#tch, what? You’ve been with him for 5 years. You are his wife. You are allowed to expect boundaries between your husband and his friend. Keeping your clothes on seems like a really basic one to maintain.
This girl needs to grow up.
‘I’m uncomfortable with you seeing your female friends naked’ is a perfectly reasonable boundary, and your husband pushing back on it is ridiculous. Any other women strips in front of him and he should say he’s uncomfortable and excuse himself. She may be gay, but he’s not.
And frankly, if he tries to use the ‘she’s like a sister to me’ excuse he is full of bullshit – ain’t nobody want to see their opposite sex sibling naked! I would bleech my eyes if I saw my brother naked.
I actually still have many friends I had when I was ten years old – and I wouldn’t want to see ANY of them naked. NTA.
If they’ve been friends since they were little, don’t you think it’s possible they’ve already seen each other naked throughout that time? Not everyone has a puritanical relationship with nudity. Not all nudity is inherently sexual. Have you never gone skinny dipping? Hot tub naked with friends?
Your feelings in the moment were valid, but kicking her out drunk was a bit much. She and your husband sound very dismissive instead of hearing you out. I would talk to husband when you’re both sober to talk about how you felt about it, and also give him the chance to explain if maybe she was just tipsy and uninhibited or if that’s just something they are comfortable with.
You can ask him to never be around naked women in the future but sometimes that’s just unavoidable.
You should also work on why it bothers you. From the title of the post you make it sound like she did a strip tease, she was just undressing to shower; a normal non-sexual activity.
I was on the fence until she sent you that paragraph. Yeah, she was and continues to actively disrespect you. And your husband is being a giant AH too.
You’re not “new here” when you’re married. Friends get moved to the back seat when lifetime commitments come into play. And that’s not even including this wildly inappropriate situation. Our friend group has had some drunken nights where there is nudity in the pool. This is different.
NTA
you sound homophonic. being naked isn’t seduction. no differnt than being a nudist resort.
NTA and your husband’s friend 100% crossed a line. Idc if they’ve know each other for 50 years and she’s masculine presenting, it’s still weird and disrespectful af
NTA not hanging out with naked people is a legit boundary
NTA because your spouse should be more concerned about making sure you’re comfortable with his friends presence in your life.
My question for you is, why does her being naked in front of him make you uncomfortable? He’s seen naked women before. If you don’t get any vibes between them that are beyond friendship, why does it matter? I guess I don’t think bodies are that unique or special if you don’t have romantic feelings for the person.
NTA, Imagine if the roles were reversed? Would he actually get undressed in front of her? 💯 They both knew it was weird 🥴