I (18F) live with my family, who have had a bit of a tough relationship over the years, things have seemed better as of late. key word.. SEEMED. Backstory: A few years ago, my sister (19 at the time) stayed behind when my parents and I went on a trip. She was working and we left money, so there was no need for any more money. When we got home, my mom discovered that $15,000 she was saving was stolen My mom was saving this money for my sister and I to have money when we graduated our higher educations, emergency funds, and for her to finally go back to her home country for a bit. She confronted my sister, who ADMITTED she spent it on lavish shopping trips, food, and a $2,000 gaming laptop. My sister CLAIMED she bought it herself, but it was now obvious that was not the case whatsoever. They, unfortunately, made agreement for my sister to pay back the money, but my sister “lost” her job. I later found out she had actually just quit to evade paying my mom. She eventually did find another job, but didn’t ever pay my mom a dime.I started working as soon as I could, and my sister went to cosmetology school (which my parents paid for), but she fell back into old habits. She, somehow, had $3,000 in credit card debt, and my parents paid it off. She paid $0 of it. Now, she has again gone into debt (about $300), lies about how much she spends, and doesn’t contribute anything to our home. No cleaning, no cooking, nothing. She doesn’t make enough to support the lifestyle she’s living. She goes out every weekend, spends money on expensive dates, and has a very fun time. It is quite obvious she has mental health issues, but it’s really no excuse. She’s in therapy, but that’s absolutely no excuse for her bad behavior. Two days ago, our AC unit broke down and we cannot afford it. My parents also noticed my sister’s story isn’t lining up. She’s out wit her girlfriend in the city. Spending money. We haven’t had AC this whole weekend and it’s miserable. I can’t have anyone over. Summer is almost over and it is just making me so upset. My parents suggested that they charge my sister rent, but I went off saying that the promise will never be kept. I told them that she needs to go. It’s no fair to them OR me. She’s so irresponsible. I love her and she’s a very good sibling, but it’s getting fucking unbearable. They immediately rejected this idea and said it was completely ruthless of me today say that and acted like I was crazy for even suggesting that. She won’t understand until she fails. I finally said what I’d always wanted. I am gonna move out. I will have the money by October, when I begin school in the city. Mentally, I can’t do this any longer. What made me think was that I received little to no resistance. They agreed that was a good idea. No pushback at all. It makes no sense. I feel like they are rewarding someone who doesn’t deserve it but maybe I’m wrong. AITAH?
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I (18F) live with my family, who have had a bit of a tough relationship over the years, things have seemed better as of late. key word.. SEEMED. Backstory: A few years ago, my sister (19 at the time) stayed behind when my parents and I went on a trip. She was working and we left money, so there was no need for any more money. When we got home, my mom discovered that $15,000 she was saving was stolen My mom was saving this money for my sister and I to have money when we graduated our higher educations, emergency funds, and for her to finally go back to her home country for a bit. She confronted my sister, who ADMITTED she spent it on lavish shopping trips, food, and a $2,000 gaming laptop. My sister CLAIMED she bought it herself, but it was now obvious that was not the case whatsoever. They, unfortunately, made agreement for my sister to pay back the money, but my sister “lost” her job. I later found out she had actually just quit to evade paying my mom. She eventually did find another job, but didn’t ever pay my mom a dime.I started working as soon as I could, and my sister went to cosmetology school (which my parents paid for), but she fell back into old habits. She, somehow, had $3,000 in credit card debt, and my parents paid it off. She paid $0 of it. Now, she has again gone into debt (about $300), lies about how much she spends, and doesn’t contribute anything to our home. No cleaning, no cooking, nothing. She doesn’t make enough to support the lifestyle she’s living. She goes out every weekend, spends money on expensive dates, and has a very fun time. It is quite obvious she has mental health issues, but it’s really no excuse. She’s in therapy, but that’s absolutely no excuse for her bad behavior. Two days ago, our AC unit broke down and we cannot afford it. My parents also noticed my sister’s story isn’t lining up. She’s out wit her girlfriend in the city. Spending money. We haven’t had AC this whole weekend and it’s miserable. I can’t have anyone over. Summer is almost over and it is just making me so upset. My parents suggested that they charge my sister rent, but I went off saying that the promise will never be kept. I told them that she needs to go. It’s no fair to them OR me. She’s so irresponsible. I love her and she’s a very good sibling, but it’s getting fucking unbearable. They immediately rejected this idea and said it was completely ruthless of me today say that and acted like I was crazy for even suggesting that. She won’t understand until she fails. I finally said what I’d always wanted. I am gonna move out. I will have the money by October, when I begin school in the city. Mentally, I can’t do this any longer. What made me think was that I received little to no resistance. They agreed that was a good idea. No pushback at all. It makes no sense. I feel like they are rewarding someone who doesn’t deserve it but maybe I’m wrong. AITAH?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I feel I might be the asshole because of the reaction I received from my family. They acted like I was cruel for suggesting the idea that my sister move out, but not myself. It is really weighing on me, but I need some outside opinions.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
Nta unfortunately your parents are enabling her behavior. Your sister has realized that mom and dad will bail her out when she gets into trouble and it’s unlikely she’s going to get her shit together unless they stop.
It doesn’t seem like she’s had to face any actual consequences for her actions.
If you can’t trust her she had to go
NTA, but they aren’t going to do what you want.
yeah it absolutely feels like she won’t grow up. it’s really sad to watch and i’m growing frustrated by the day.
NTA
no matter how good of a sister she is to you she’s also selfish and clearly puts her wants over everyone else’s needs. Your parents seem generous but don’t forget they are GROWN ADULTS if they do not know where to draw boundaries it’s not your job to do it for them. Honestly i suggest you go no contact with your sister and low contact with your parents. 1 of 2 things will happen: Your parents will eventually build resentment against your sister and will let it go all at once and will be done with your sister and because she cannot fend for herself she will probably fall into more debt or number 2 where your sister will drain your parents emotionally and financially leaving them with debt of their own and they will likely rely on you. Oh and this will definitely take a toll on their marriage i’m assuming one of your parents will get sick of supporting your sister and the other may not agree causing fights. My point is situation is a burning ship and you better swim away before you get caught in the fire.
NTA. It’s unfortunate, but your parents will almost certainly continue to enable your sister. They know you can handle yourself and probably have some guilt knowing your sister has “issues.” Whether that guilt is valid or not is irrelevant. I understand you feel rejected (or somewhat upset) about having no resistance to your leaving, but you should not. It’s your parents who have an issue and it is NOT your problem or responsibility. Your responsibility is to yourself at this point. Do what is best for you!!!!