I, 35F met him 52M’ at a conference in May 2025 so its been two months. He has two kids. I typically go for guys who are at most 3 years older than I am, with no kids because I don’t need baby mama drama. He was stepping into a role I was stepping down from and had stopped me for advice. He also ran a workshop at the conference which I happened to attend. He called me a few weeks after the conference to thank me for the advice which then led to small talk (work, hobbies, relationships etc). We also texted back and forth for a few hours about a week after just talking about life and our experiences as a whole. Two weeks ago, our organization held a picnic which we attended. He always found a way to touch me, from the group pictures to gently guiding me off the road during group conversations (even if I wasn’t anywhere close to the car). He walked me to my car after the event and gave me multiple hugs lol. Texted me later to compliment the dress I wore (he didn’t think it was appropriate to say anything at the event even though we were in group conversations where I got complimented by other mutual friends- I thought that was interesting). I figured he was a little older, looked at his FB and did some quick math to figure out his age. I’ve been keeping a bit of a distance once I realized he was significantly older than me. At the picnic though, we had planned to meet up with some mutual friends last week, but due to a sudden health issue I couldn’t make it and informed both him and the mutual friends. It seems the more I try to stay away, the more his name pops up everywhere. I had to drop out of two responsibilities with different groups and when i asked who would be replacing me, turns out he is my replacement for one, and he suggested my replacement for the other. He didn’t give a reason but I have a feeling it was because I wasn’t going to be there. He very sweetly called to check on my health today and I asked how his meeting with our friends went. He ended up not meeting up with our friends either. Didn’t say why but I think it’s because I wasn’t going. He’s a very old fashioned soul, very mature, and funny. I like him a lot but the age gap and the fact that he has two grown-ish kids weirds me out a lot. Is it worth pursuing anything with him or Just stay colleagues/friends? If just friends, how do we move past this “crush” we have on each other? This is new territory for me.
TL;DR – 35F meets 52M at a conference in May 2025 who also has two grown-ish kids. 35F has never been with significantly older guy or a guy with kids. 35F and 52M seem to like each other though. Should she pursue something there or just stay friends? How does she navigate the age gap and kids situation? She’s having a hard time wrapping her head around/accepting it.
Edit: We don’t work together. Its not our regular 9 to 5. We volunteer at the same organization. I stepped down from a (volunteer) leadership position in one location and he stepped into it a similar position at a different location. We only see each other when the organization is hosting an event for the entire district.
Comments
Ehhhhhhhh normally with your ages I would just say “go for it, you’re both fully adult-ass-adults, and the kids should be adults themselves yes?” but messing with coworkers (or even in the same field) can get messy if things don’t work out.
I’m 36 and I personally wouldn’t date anyone that old- my mother is his age. 40 would be really pushing it for me honestly, but I typically prefer younger men
If you can’t accept it, then you shouldn’t date him.
Don’t do it. It’s drama not worth your time. And do you want kids n marriage??? He may not because he’s been there done that.
If you like him, you like him. Age doesn’t matter. Kids do matter, but honestly, by 35, “no kids” as a dealbreaker restricts one’s dating pool considerably, so this is a good opportunity to reconsider whether that’s a hard line for you.
I’d be more concerned about how any relationship might negatively impact either/both of you at work.
17 years is a kind of big gap, especially if you might want kids of your own and he’d be a lot older trying to chase around a toddler (if it got to that). The work situation complicates things, I’d say it’s best to avoid getting involved to begin with.