Mine and my boyfriend’s 2 year anniversary is this weekend. He was supposed to come over tonight to spend the weekend and celebrate but postponed until tomorrow bc of the weather. He’s been very excited about the gift he got me and I know he’s been buzzing to give it to me, all the while saying that I can’t get mad at him when he does. I figured it must be something expensive because he has a tendency to spend a lot on gifts for special occasions so this didn’t raise any red flags. But tonight I guess he couldn’t keep a secret any longer and he kept having me try to guess my gift, giving me more and more hints. I finally reluctantly guessed that he got me an iPad, and he was like “…..maybeeee”.
This is where the problem lies. I have told him quite a few times in the past that I do not want an iPad, that I have absolutely no use for one nor do I have the room for one. It’s come up because he’s mentioned me getting one multiple times. So now I fear I’m going to be given a very expensive, extravagant gift but I’m not going to know how to respond to receiving it. I feel like he got it for me because HE wants me to have it. It doesn’t feel like he actually put thought into what I would have actually liked. And I’m a very sentimental person and I would have been happier with a handmade photo album or something from the heart. Does anyone have any advice on how to handle this situation? I don’t want to seem ungrateful but I also don’t want to lie to him.
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If someone gives you a gift, you say thank you. You don’t have to use it.
An iPad will not require space – drop that argument.
If he got you a gift you expressly told him on multiple occasions that you didn’t want, I would be furious. Not because his gift isn’t what you wanted, but because he decided that what he wants is more important or that he knows better than you what you want. That’s rude and disrespectful.
Just say “thank you” and then sell it.
I would be a little irritated but just say thanks and put it away. If he gives you ish about not using it, just say you have no use for it. I mean an iPad is so useful not sure why you wouldn’t want it but then again maybe he wants to watch your every move with it.
OR sell it and buy yourself dinner!
If my bf bought me something I explicitly told him I did not want I’d say “ I don’t want this, please return it”. Why on earth would you keep it just because he gave it to you..?
Could it be that HE wants an iPad, so this is his way of getting one? Can you buy yourself what YOU want and give that to him?
Does he often ignore you in favour of his wants and opinions?
Like others have said an iPad won’t take up much space at all. But also ask him for the receipt so you can return it or simply refuse the gift so he returns it. Tell him you appreciate the thought but it’s not what you want. Have you expressly told him what you do want? Sometimes people expect their so’s to just know but most people aren’t wired that way. Be direct
Ok hear me out. I always said I didn’t want an iPad. Why would I need one when I have a phone and a laptop? I got a (hand me down) iPad recently and I LOVE it. So great for reading and travel.
I’m usually on the hate train for unthoughtful gifts, but maybe give this one a chance. You might not know what you are missing.
I wouldn’t tolerate this, and I would sit my partner down and have a talk about it if they did something like that. It’s a big expense, so why get something you explicitly have told him you don’t want? The mature and respectful thing for him to do would be to ask you about your reasoning or explain why he things you would enjoy it, not to overrule you and get it against your wishes.
Getting you something you have said you don’t want is also by definition a bad gift, why doesn’t he want to appreciate you with a good gift?
If I were you I wouldn’t accept it, I would put it aside and talk about it, and then ask him to return it. I think respect and consent are incredibly important principles in any relationship, and I also think it is important to demonstrate to a partner that they have been seen and heard through both words and actions. There’s an opportunity here to connect and understand each other better, and I really think you should make your voice heard and be honest about your thoughts rather than perform politeness and accept the gift no matter what.
YATA – my extremely considerate bf bought me a 10″ iPad and I have zero space for it after all the other expensive gifts hes gotten me.
I think HE wants the iPad, like when a little boy buys his mother a catcher’s mitt for Mother’s Day.
Does he ever give you gifts you actually want? Or are they mainly objects of status for his own value, and not expressions of how he views you as a person he adores and knows intimately? How well does he actually know you, and is he even paying attention?
I have two iPads sitting in a bookcase somewhere, so I feel your pain. Seriously useless if you have a phone and a laptop. I also had a boyfriend once gift me a glass rose I specifically said I thought was ugly. I don’t have any advice except that none of those relationships lasted. It’s normal to want to feel heard and seen by your partner.
Tell him to give you the receipt. Take it back and get something you want, or get the money. If you can’t take it back, sell it.
So tell him you like it and use it to face time him at night. Then let it collect dust the rest of the day.